Photos, Politics and Power of Words

We will start off with a little photo dump...its been a long time since I have done one of these...

Sunday...my very favorite day of the week.  Church.  I wish everyday were Sunday.  I completely <3 my church...like seriously, completely!  We usually hit up Mad Mex afterward, which I love to do.  (Inset inner struggle music) BUUUT...imagine if we put that $40 a week toward something much more valuable. [Mental note:  talk to Will about this]  So here is Will and Shiloh waiting for food.  See, she doesn't care about anything other than shoving her face full of chips and guacamole, and she definitely isn't going to look up for a photo.

Mr. Cool and his mom.

Do we see this face????  Clearly, Im ANNOYING! :)

My kids = OBSESSED with this new(ish) show called Bubble Guppies.  The theme song - awful!!!  But this is what it does to them...kinda hilarious.

We aren't huge fans of meat in our house.  Let me rephrase that...anything with tendons, bones, gristle, and blood...its SUPER hard for me to eat, ok, I just can't do it...makes me hurl.  Skeeves me right out.  But we love the Quorn brand of meat substitutes.  Same taste, no gristle/blood/tendons:)  Anyhow, I found Quorn meatless crumbles and made the most delicious meatless loaf ever!!!!  Topped with Morningstar meatless bacon...it was a meat haters meatless delight :)

This was an awesomely delish Indian dish.  Brown cilantro rice, Quorn chickenless breasts simmered in a spicy Bombay curry sauce and garlic naan bread.  Yum!

If you know Will, please let me point out, he is eating a donut.  Yeah...I said donut!

Look who went and potty trained herself.  Seriously, she put underwear on BY HERSELF almost 2 weeks ago and its been ALL HER since then.  Cute as a button huh?  All 22 lbs of her.  Um...she will be 2 in like 3 weeks...WHAT???????

Its Spring...and well, winter here in Pennsylvania SUCKS, so I am THRILLED.  I finally broke out the Rainbows yesterday...it was in the 70's yesterday AND my kids got sun burnt outside.  Awesomeness.  Bring on the heat baby!!!

Thats about it in the photo department.  Since I fed you all of these photos, may I rant a moment?  Facebook annoys me to no end these days and I'm seconds away from deleting my account (again).  My news feed is so full of President criticism over the budget crisis.  First and foremost, I would like to say, it is DISGUSTING to make our service men and woman go without a paycheck.  BUT, so many of those posts are saying things like "Hey Obama, stop going on vacation and pay the military."  Really?  Sounds pretty ridiculous.  Well...perhaps, if those same posts would have not been singing President Bush's praises not so long ago and would have, instead said "Stop wasting our money on a war you all lied about to get us into and get our military OUT OF THE ILLEGAL WARS you started!!!"  I would be less annoyed.  Instead it was "Oh he is such an amazing man of God and he is so awesome and yeah, bomb the middle east, blow it up for all I care."  Seriously????  We are in this budget crisis for a reason that had NOTHING to do with our current President.  Too bad there weren't more "Please pray for our President" posts right now, because, after all, he is just as flawed as the last President, and just as flawed as all of us....

I have a very special friend who I adore and admire in every possible way.  Her husband has been deployed WAY TOO MANY times and even missed the birth of one of his sons.  I am tearing up just thinking of how special this family is to me...and...how it is ridiculous that he had to fight in a war that should have never been started.  AND that he now may not be getting paid???  Its awful...

Wouldn't it be nice if Americans were not so divided?  One side worships EVERYTHING their "people" do, no matter how disgusting and then when their "opposing team" does similar things, those same actions are just HORRIFIC!!!  Why can't we just bind together, admit our horrible wrongs and mend this broken country...

Pardon the soap box...Ive stepped down :)

Oh my mouth, it is a weapon sometimes (hence the last few paragraphs.  Im so sorry!)  I try really hard to tame my tongue.  Words are so so powerful.  They destroy and hurt and separate.  In the same breath they can heal and uplift and love.  It's been interesting for me since moving to a new place, making all new friends.  It's hard.  The friends I have in Southern California I grew up with.  I knew everything about them.  There was no questioning "Does she like me? Is she talking about me to other people?  Does she like me??"  A lot of it can go on and it is so damaging.  It cuts into what could be real, strong friendships.  I really have had to just let go of it all.  If people want to listen, they can listen.  But it really is only damaging their own lives.  It is so easy to get sucked in...SO EASY.  I have been guilty of it many many times.  But I don't want it any more.  My prayer is to take every word and thought captive and throw out the garbage, leave it, and never participate in it.  It has the power to destroy lives.  It is not a loss to lose someone who is constantly feeding people with dividing, hurtful words.  In the end, its not a friendship that I would want to, or will hold onto.  Its hurtful to be talked about.  I do not want to hurt people.  I am so thankful for the strong wonderful amazing beautiful friends that light up my life, uplift me, and care for me in ways I could never repay...

James 3 says this about the tongue...and it cuts...deep.  
1-2 Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life. 3-5A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! 5-6 It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. 7-10 This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! 10-12 My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

At the end of my life, may it be said that I was trustworthy, giving, kind and a follower of Jesus...

Thinking, Love, Light and Gas

So Solomon found some of Wills old "just for looks" glasses...Solomon calls them his "cool glasses" and this face, his "thinking face." He does this really hilarious "hmmmmm" to go along with it...he is so darn handsome...

Here are Solomon and Jillian walking hand in hand to the park...they (meaning mostly Solomon) have their tiffs but they are such agood friends. I love watching our best friends child and our child play so nicely and love eachother so dearly... TOday we ran into Candice and Jillian at the mall and Jillian said "Hey Solomon...wacha doin'??" Its sooo sweet. Im so glad they are friends.

My light...basking in the sunshine.

So here in our state, we have these grocery stores that let you earn rewards when you spend money and swipe your rewards card...I earned myrewards and got an entirely free tank of gas...is that awesome or what?????

Its Time...

I really don't know where to start on here. I feels so foreign to blog. I miss it, so much, but I truely just cannot find the time. Why? Why is that?

It may be because um, we are STILL unpacking. Its taken so long for us to get the guts up to pile on the credit card debt to get enough furniture to actually unpack all of our things...but it is official now...we have all the furniture that we need to store our things OUTSIDE of the boxes. So now we need to finish off the last 8 or so boxes that we have. We also have random things to do like hanging pictures/wall hangings and reorganizing certian things in the kids room and stuff...but I better get a move on' cause Im stinking 8 months pregnant people...how oh how did this happen?

Also, I need a baby shower. its been really hard adjusting financially...and this is pretty person and I HATE when people play the poor card, but my goodness...Will needs patients...and SOON!!!! We sold all of the things we had for Solomon apart from his crib because of our limited space in California, so we have nothing. We have, for the most part, enough clothes (and I DO NOT want anyone to buy us clothes!!!!! Its a major pet peeve of mine) to get us through the first month or so...and we bought a baby bouncer and we have a play gym thing...but thats about it...so baby shower anyone??? ;) Its will all work out

Will is still working for his dad, on salary, that is not that great...it pretty much barely covers our bills...which in a way is good because it means Will has to get his butt out there and market like mad. He is doing a free spinal screening in two weeks so we are hoping that that gets at least a few patients for him. Next weekend he has a Chiropractic training seminar with his managment company in stinking Salt Lake City!!!! So Im alone with Solomon again...from Thursday to Sunday...how sad...Candice, I hope you're ready for some tag-along-ing ;)

Solomon is just a wild man!!! He has changed SO SO SO much. He is just this giant, chatty, brilliant, kid now. He is totally into "bad words." Ok seriously, every five seconds he says, "Mommy, can I say stupid? shut up? kill?" What the heck??? Where does he here this kind of stuff. It drives me insane. He is SOOO impressionable and his memory is impecable!!! He took a drum stick the other day. held it between his pointer finger and middle finger and started "smoking" with it...even tilting his head up as he "blew out"!!!!!! People...he is TWO!!!! I said, "Honey where did you see that." He said, "The man outside the grocery store." Wow...Also, tutoriffic is his favorite word...which in many ways is super cute. He says that whenever he farts..."Mommy, Im tutoriffic..." But the other day (and again I cringe yet kinda laugh cause its SO shocking) he said, "Mommy am I allowed to say 'holy crap'?" My eyes got huge and said, "Um no...that is not a nice word." He shruged and said, "Ok, I will just say 'holy tutoriffic crap'." I do not know where he gets this stuff. They certianly dont say it on Sesame Street, which is about all he watched (at our house at least!!!!). But I have a feeling taht certain teenage aunts and uncles with potty mouths play a big role in that!!!! Its kinda depressing as a mom, because I want to protect him for all the "yucky" things of the world...but I mean if I can't take him to the grocery store without him fully understanding smoking, then I can't really go anywhere...does any one elses kids talk like this???

In other Solomon news...he is so happy here. It is hard being away from loved ones but soooo much of me is so glad that we are here. He loves his room. He loves his house. He loves his yard. The air is soooo clean here...a child that used to have allergies just like me...now has NONE!!!! (neither do I by the way) He loves "the forest", which is pretty much anywhere with trees and sticks...which he is obsessed with collecting. We do actually get to take forest walks...which um is just awesome!!! He is thriving and I truely couldn not be happier for him!

We have a GPS now which I got for my bday...and um I LOVE IT!!!! I can find my way places now...which I am SUPER excited about.

Pregnancy is flying by. Lots and lots of things have been going on within me, emotionally. I am starting to feel kind of uncomfortable in thsi chair though so I will save it for another blog...but here is a picture for the records :)

Oh...did I mention April and Brian are here...yeah I cannot be happier and I DO NOT want to think about next Wednesday when they leave me...and then Will leaves on Thursday...bleck...happy thoughts happy thoughts...

Birth, Solomon's Sayings and Dun Dun Dun...The ER.

The Human Pacifier gave a heads up that 20/20 was going to be about Orgasmic Birth. At first, I was super excited but then realized that it was probably NOT going to be what I would hope for. They started off with some clips from Orgasmic Birth. They quoted the Bible verse about "having pain in childbirth" and then showed women enjoying birth, being empowered by birth, and offering their children the safest, most calm environment for bringing a child into the the world. the interviewers asked every question skeptically and I understand that, but it seems like they should have been a little more neutral. They moved on to other topics. One was breastfeeding. Personally, if Solomon still wanted to nurse (he self weaned at 13 months which totally shattered my heart...I was NOT ready!) I would still be nursing. I do not think he is too old and I would do it without a problem. There was a mother who was still nursing a Kindergartner. She said, "This is what I feel is best for my son and I would never ever push this onto someone else if they didn't want it for their child." She had nursed her other 2 children until they were 6 and those children talked fondly of it. She made an awesome point. "We use women's breasts to sell everything from beer to motorcycles...but when someone uses their breasts for what they are made for, everyone gets repulsed and offended..." Pretty profound I thought... the world average for weaning from beast feeding is age 4. If someone wants to nurse their child as long as they want, why should they have to closet that experience? Another segment was about home birthing/unassisted birthing. They seemed to make it look scary and dangerous and frightening...what happens if you actually look at the statistics??? Because home births, attended by midwives, are FAR safer than any hospital births!!! People don't educate themselves and they are fed garbage by the media and their OBGyn's so they end up with unnecessary drugs and C-sections, when that is NOT what they wanted. It is so disheartening!!! Here was the kicker for me. The interviewer read a statement from the good ol' AMA, which in my opinion needs to get a MAJOR boot in the ass, that read something like...there is another human being involved and they have a right to be in a safe environment [hospital] when they come into the world.... WHAT!?!?!?! First of all, the AMA is pretty much the biggest funder of abortions...and NOW they want to give the babies rights??? But a few hours BEFORE labor started, they were all for women's rights...but when it comes to giving birth, they are for the OBGyn/Hospital to erase the rights of women... I cannot stress the importance of this enough. Women need to know their rights. They need to know that they have the right to make choices for themselves and their child. Maybe they don't care? That's a different story...just as sad...but every woman has the right to have the birth her and her child deserve...

Whew...ok that is my soapbox moment.

Solomon has been cracking us up lately. He is TOO much!!! He seems to have an ear for the "bad words" that I don't really want my toddler saying. Those darn Pixar movies say too many "shut ups," "stupids," and the like. We have been working on talking kindly lately because when we tell him that those aren't the kindest of words, he, of course, wants to repeat them over and over ha. He doesn't mean them in the way they are intended to be used but it still doesn't sound nice. Anyway...aside from that....he has the funniest sense of humor!! Here are some funny sayings as of late.

*Will told Solomon that he needed to ask me something..."Hmmm, that would be necessary daddy."

*My mom said, "Solomon, what is in Mommy's tummy?" He said, "Um some babies."

*He was trying to get Will to listen to me and he said, "DADDY FOCUS!!!"

*This isn't that cute as much as a little stinkerish but its kinda funny. When he is frustrated he puts his hand up in my face and says "Don't talk to me like that Momma!"

*When I ask him to do something and he feels that he is doing something more important he puts up one finger and holds it up to me and says "Just a second Mommy, Im real real busy!"

There is another one...but there is a story...a sad story...that involves the ER and Solomon...and um my fault ha.

On Tuesday night, Solomon was in his jammies and was cuddling with me on the couch. He decided he was all done cuddling with me so he went to get down and I was holding his right hand and blanket with my left hand. He kinda rolled off of me and plopped to the floor...and started screaming bloody murder. I jumped up and was asking him what was wrong and where his "owie" was. He was saying his arm and was freaking out if I would even touch him. I screamed for Will and he came running. He started palpating his arm and Solomon was just beside himself in pain. Will said he was sure his elbow was dislocated. He tried to to get it back into place but because he was screaming so loud Will decided that we needed to get it X-rayed. We couldn't get a shirt on him, much less in his carseat, so Will held him (because of course he didn't want me [heartbreak]) and I drove. We got there and waited and Solomon didn't move. If Will tried to adjust his position at all he started freaking out. They finally took him back for X-rays and of course I couldn't go in with him so I sat outside in tears (did I mention I had been crying from the moment this happened???) while Solomon SCREAMED everytime he was touched by the tech. They were in there forever and finally Will and Solomon came out and Will said, "Its not dislocated anymore...the Xray positioning put it back in place!!!" And Solomon was moving his arm all around saying "Look I can move my arm now." I was SO relieved!!!! Finally my little buddy was back! He proceeding to tell everyone in the ER, "I just know everything!" haha. We had to wait for another hour for the Dr to discharge us and say that he was fine, which we already knew. It was a LONG night and a sad one, but it turned out fine. It was heartbreaking and I felt horrible but the ER Dr said that he sees TONS of kids a week for the same thing because the ligament doesn't calcify until about age 3. SO now Im scared to touch the little squirmer :)

Our friends, Paul and Jenna got married on Friday...which is another post. And the move is in 3 days!!! So it is really late and this is the only time I have to blog...cause we are SUPER busy finishing up all of our packing. I probably wont be writing again until we are PA residents...until then...

Just Call Me The Wife Of Dr William Cole...

Yesterday, my amazingly brilliant husband graduated...I haven't the slightest clue just how amazing it felt to him, but for me, the day was a wild array of incredible emotions.

First of all, I haven't mentioned this on here before, but Will's parents decided not to come. Will said he was OK with that, but I was crushed...for him. He has worked SO hard for the last 7 1/2 years and it made me sad that they couldn't be there. I kept tearing up all day thinking of the fact that they didn't come.  We really missed having them here.

We got all ready and headed off to Will's school. Solomon did EXCELLENT. I was truly amazed!!! We brought lots of snacks, MACK from Cars, paper and pen, Uncle Aaron's lego cars, and Aprils boyfriend Brian was there...so he was set with everything his little heart could have ever wanted.

The processional began and tears welled up instantly. Jen said to me right before the ceremony, "Remember when you found out you were pregnant with Solomon, you said 'I am going to have a TWO YEAR OLD when Will graduates!!!!' and now here you are...?" It was so surreal. I saw Will heading down the aisle in his gown and I felt the crying coming...not just a few sobs, but the UGLY cry!! I managed to suck most of it down, but I did let out one heinous gasp/sob. I just couldn't believe it. He was done. He is a doctor!!! Life is taking a whole new and exciting turn for us. I was beaming with pride. I couldn't have been more proud of him.

I was so nice for me to finally be able to see every one of his classmates. These are all people that I have heard about for the last, nearly 4 years, and I got to put a face to every name, meet Wills friends families, and spend time with some of our friends that this school has brought to us...it was a wonderful day.

A lot, in fact, most people that RSVP'd for Wills party didn't come. We had SOOO much left over food and it was a little sad because that was going to be the last day that we saw several people... But it was still really nice.

Jen took some awesome photos so I'll be excited to get them up on here...here are some photos from Aprils camera though.

My amazing, brilliant husband, I am SO SO proud of you...there aren't words to let you know just how proud I am of you and how excited I am to start this new journey with you...I love you honey!!!

This is Will getting hooded.

And here are some photos from the party.

The three trouble makers...Will dearest friends Will and Patrick.

Me, Will, Patrick, Will, KelliAnn (who is getting slapped by) Kaitlyn haha.

You Give Me Fever...

Yesterday I went to get my hair done...wow was I in need of some root dye-age. We usually do a reddish orange color that I love, with some blonde. For some reason, my stylist forgot to mix all the colors so its a dark red. Im not particularly thrilled. But oh well...what are you going to do huh?

As I was driving home, my dad called me up and said he and his girlfriend wanted to watch him so that Will and I could go out. Wow...he has done this a few times before, but he is the ONLY person who has ever offered that (Aside from Jen and Justin but I think I have mentioned that before). Will and I got to go out on a date!!! We went and had awesome veggie fajitas at El Cholo and then stopped at Borders to browse. What a blast. it's so nice to have time to enjoy eachother, which is something we have been doing VERY little of lately. He is such an awesome guy. I don't say that enough. He works so hard and loves Solomon and I so much! I am so thankful that he is the man I get to spend my life with.

We picked Solomon up and were headed home when my sister gave me a surprise call from the river where she went with the BF and his family. She was really upset about something that happened and (the girl who is pretty emotionless) she was weeping. I felt aweful. She was a 4 hour drive away. We talked about us coming to get her but she decided to to stick it out...and its a good thing...because...

At midnight, Solomon woke up with his famous 104 fever. I think this is his 5th or 6th one. He has no other symptom apart from serious teething (which has been the case with all the others) and I have finally convinced all those around me that he is just a rare case that gets a high fever with teeth. it goes away in about two days...every time. Most of the time he is just listless and quiet but I think because he is a little older, he was a mess. he was just crying and crying. I felt terrible! it's the first time since, oh I don't know, somwhere around infancy, that I haven't known what I could do for him. We did baths, showers, read to him, even resulted to a 6am movie...the latter seemed to help a bit. He just seems to be so miserable that he can't sleep. I finally broke down and gave him a fever reducer (cringes...I HATE it!!!! I ran out of my homeopathic fever reducer too!!! Why oh why didn't I pick some up this week when I was at Whole Foods?!?!?) And now he is napping. Sweet little bug...he still has his sense of humor. In between meltdowns he was wispering funny little jokes and tunes to me. I couldn't believe it...such a wonderful little boy that I adore with my whole heart!!

I am so blessed. God knew exactly what I needed...I am so thankful for my boys!

War War and More War

My dreaming last night was just awful. I need acupuncture!!! It really helps with nightmares!

I feel like the entire night was just dream after dream of me and some portion of my family being in the midst of war torn territory. It was horrible. Constant fear, constant hiding, constant running. I kept waking myself up and trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't have to continue the nightmare...but I just kept falling back into.

I woke up just feeling heavy. I have brought a child into the world amidst the wars that are going on and it has me passionate to do something about it. Collectively, as people, as a country, as a world, as a whole, we can bring about peace by just shifting our consciousness and being present. We can bring ourselves to now individually and in turn make world wide changes. I need this. Our world needs this on so many levels. I just don't know how to channel my passion and my mission into "convincing" others that peace is a necessity. All I can do is be present I suppose, set a standard and let my life shine. Lord help me...

Solomon woke up in a hissy this morning. I brought him home this cool "Mack" truck and motorcycle from Disneyland yesterday. He woke up crying, which isn't normal, but was yelling, through tears, "MACK!!!!! CYCLE!!!!!!!!!!!" So I went to get him up and he started thrashing and kicking saying, "NOOOO DADDY DO IT!!!!!" Ugh...good morning to you too sunshine! It's like he senses that Will has work/school and just doesn't want anything to do with me! He does all that he can to distract Will to keep him here. I feel sad for him because I know it is really hard to have such a good daddy who is gone so much. At the same time, I always feel like chopped liver, whatever that means. I spend my whole day with him giving him every ounce I can...and I get the daddy-do-it-card every single day!

Silence is now here, ah nap time. I must go indulge in the sickness that is watching the bachelorette...(cringes! yet is secretly excited)

'Bout Time

Where have I been???

May 10th- We did the AIDS WALK and what an awesome day it was. It was pretty hot. We got up early and headed down to Angel Stadium. It was a 3 mile walk. Solomon was in his stroller and it was such a blast. Allow me to digress for a moment. A man, oh a man, was perched across the street and the main cross walk that the over 100 people were walking past. He had a 15ft or so sign, black with white letters, "BELIEVE IN JESUS" it said. He was shouting on his bull horn, "SINNERS!!!!!!!!!" Wow...I can't even dignify this with words. But you can imagine what a slap in the face this was for the 400 people that were from our church, RockHarbor not me mention all the others that were there living with AIDS. Enough... it was a big sucess and incredibly rewarding to go out and do something like this as a family. We got home, had a nap and then KelliAnn and I got manicure/pedicures for her bday (that was like 2 months ago haha). I was a nice relaxing day.

Well there was Mothers Day. It want a great day. My own mom and I got into a massive screaming match. Those are always a joy. Will and I talked my sister into watching Solomon's monitor so that we could go over to Cheryl's and my dads to watch the Survivor finally. Amanda didn't win, so that was the final "cherry on top" to my lousy day.

May 14th, I watched Sara's girls. She had to go to court for the termination of their birth parents parental rights (which they ended up postponing for the SECOND TIME booo!!!) so I hung out with the kiddos. . Melody, 5, is a bit of a bohemian diva. She doesn't exactly grasp that Solomon and Kimberly, 18 months, are babies. Solomon was babbling to her and she gets this big girl look on her face, puts her hands on her hips, rolls her eyes, grits her teeth and say, "I have NO CLUE what the HECK you are saying!!!" haha...and of course the tattling was driving me bonkers. Between Solomon not listening to me, and Kimberly screaming/squealing/shrieking every time Solomon even came remotely close (cant blame her, he usually hurts her haha), I wasready for reinforcments when Sara got home. I am glad that I can help her like this. She watched Solomon a few days a week for about 2 months while I attempted to go back to work (and failed miserably at, because I missed Solomon FAR too much!).

May 15th, we went to a swim date with friends. I was SO proud of Solomon. He was the most incredibly sharer. He was saying, "Sollie's turn please (while signing please)" even though the boys were older than him and were grabbing everything off of him. He did bonk a little boy on the head once, but that was after being shoved by him haha. I was just so impressed at how he listened and obeyed and played nicely...I have been beaming ever since!!!

Saturday, I went for an "interview" for a few days of nannying a 2 y/o girl and a 3 mo/o boy. I met the most awesome family EVER! Amy is a momma who is passionate about natural childbirth and parenting. They are eco-conscious and a very gentle warm family. Amy and I hit it off. Her kids and husband seemed wonderful. They ended up inviting Will , Solomon and I over for swimming and barbecuing. It was really hard with Solomon, he was just all over the place and I was sweating just from chasing him!!! so I wont be taking the job...BUT Will and Amy's husband, Brett totally hit it off. Our kids got along. We have more in common than should be humanly possible. It was really fun and we cannot WAIT to do it again!! Thank you enannysource.com haha...

Today, Jen and I got to go to Disneyland...JUST US!!! (thank you Will!!!!) I was an adult for SEVEN whole hours. Can you imagine?? What a great feeling!!! Her and Justin also offered to watch Solomon for Will and my anniversary which is on the 28th. I am super excited. Now we just need to think of something to do. We don't usually get babysitters...so this will be SUCH a treat. Solomon's birthday is on the 28th of June, and my mom is going to throw him a party...yeah...an event to plan. I'm excited. She wants a "theme" and I am truly torn. Dumbo, Cars, and Nemo are all such a tie...how is a mother to decide???

I think I am pretty well caught up... OH yes, Dr Yamata, Wills Private Practice Rotation (PPR) supervising doctor, as kinda been offering him a job. Its not that he can really take it. I mean he offered a really good salary but if we went to PA and made the same, we would automatically still be "making more" in PA just because the cost of living is about 1/3 of what it is here...anyway, just thought I would throw that out there...

Must go watch Dancing With The Stars with Will now...even though I am royally disappointed with it!

Sentences and Potty Time!!!

Solomon is putting 3-4 words together!!! I LOVE it! He is just a big boy now! I can't believe it! He says things like, "No mommy do it" "Go to Grammas house" "Get up please" "Daddy sit down!" haha. It is a BLAST! It's just amazing that he is doing so much, so all-of-a-sudden!

Our next endeaver....dun dun dun...POTTY TRAINING! We are going to really start at it on Monday I think. He is TOTALLY ready and I have just been a bit lazy. But I am excited...hopefully it goes smoothly, it not, we will prolong it a bit...

Good luck to us!

A Little Low

So, I am in a place at the moment, well perhaps not at the exact moment, but lately, I have been in a low place. I'm trying hard, to be so many things for so many people, including myself, and I am failing at all of them. I am feeling reclusive, anxious, constant sadness... I want to be brave, power through it...but I just don't feel like I have the strength. A lot of the issues are stemming from my self esteem and self worth (or lack thereof) issues. Ironically enough, we just started a new series at church on Song of Solomon called SexLove&God (if you can listen to the study titled True Beauty, you MUST! it's life changing)...let's just say that I was heaving throughout the entire service with my mouth covered and my nose running down my face. (thanks to the man who brought me an entire roll of toilet paper).



I don't like failing at things, but I just feel like a total failure. I never thought I would be a good wife (Will knew this, but chose to carry on with marrying me) but I, at least, thought I would be a decent mom. But I just don't feel like I am. I always feel like I am several steps behind on what Solomon needs. It is terrible hard just blindly trying to be a child's mother. Wow...how did this happen? I mean, just when I think I have "figured him out," he has completely changed his whole self...ahhh...whats a mother to do? We have finally calmed down a bit but for 2 weeks there I just didn't have a CLUE what to do. I was feeling like he was totally asking for boundaries but I didn't know how to give them to him in a way that he could actually keep/obey them. We have started a "time out" that requires Solomon chest to chest with either Will or I, held tightly, the more he resists the closer we hold him. It really works well for us, I mean, wow...like Will and I actually feel incontrol. We never really felt "in charge" because he would just run away from us in regular time outs and crack up like it was a game. So yes, this has helped me feel like I am a little bit more in control of my life and feel a little more like a mother, instead of that babysitter who doesn't have a clue what she is doing. So that is definately a good thing.

Well...I am just trying to make a few decesions, work through lots of issues...I am just begging that God hold me close, because I need guidance and care from the Only One who completelyu understands the pains of my soul...

Joy...and Peace

I am indeed, feel better. A bit ago, I came across a blog that I really love. She is quite amazing, definately someone whose life I would like to learn from. She has this Pride vs. Brokenness enrty that really touched me. It made things a lot more simple. It just awoken the joy that is deep in my heart, the joy that my pessimistic self tries to supress. AND THEN, oh goodness, and THEN, I found The Temple and I know I didn't necessarily take away exactly what she was saying, but I did have this revelation of sorts. I don't need to do some strict regimented diet, and I don't really need to run for 2 hours at the gym, what I need to do is learn to care for my body as if it were borrowed from God. Wow...it's a powerful concept for me. For me it's usually all abou tthe number on the scale. Weighing 7-8 times a day, weighing in the middle of the night, it's serious. It is not about that...and while it's oh so easy to say, I need to keep my focus on just caring for God's temple. So that is my goal for today. I am taking it one day at a time and I am hoping that the joy's of my heart will be fully restored to the front line!

This weekend we got to go to Will and KelliAnn's house for dinner. I think it is the first time since Solomons birth, almost two years ago, that we have gone to comeone's house for dinner who also has a child, or at all really (dad's house not counting). (Maybe once or twice, but I can't think of any really). It was SOOOO nice! Solomon did whomp poor 9 month old Kaitlyn on the nogging twice but other than that it was quite nice. We had a yummy dinner and I made the best brownies on the planet with the best frosting EVER!! It was just an all around good time. We kind of felt like adults again :)

In the oven right now, is a coffe cake from Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious cookbook. It looks fantastic, and in 30 mins we will see how it tastes. It has buttternut squash in it. I hope it's good!

Solomon and I are going to the library today for a tiny bit. He always freaks out there whenever I take him because there are these fountains there, with tons of kiddo's playing in then, and it seems as though ten million years of playing in them would never be enough for him! He always get's so mad when we leave! Hopefully not today...

Peace, peace be in my heart. Peace overflow to others. Peace be in our world. Peace be among friends, peace create friends here and internationally. Peace, be here.

Funkdified!

Fink Funk Funk... That is me at the moment. I don't know how to shake it. I really want to get to a better place emotionally but I seem to get like this every few weeks or so. I just become suddenly launched into overload, emotionally, physically and any other possible way that I could get overloaded. Several things are taking place within me...

First is my lovely child who has been a but of a hellion lately. I try so hard to be patient with him, explain things to him, respect him as a person, and give and give and give my whole self to him. Well this week, it seems it's not enough. EVERYTHING is a knock down drag out fight. Everything is "NO" and fit after fit...screaming flailing tantrums. Example: "Solomon, come help momma pick up your toys please." "NO" I get up, go over, pick him up to standing, "We don't tell momma NO, we get up and come when momma tells you to." I walk him over to the toy area and he drops to the floor and kick and phoney bologna cries about. I tell him we don't act that way but he continues to refuse helping me put his stinking cars in their home so I break down into tears because I have just had it. I scoop up all of his toys and take them to a place that he can't get to and just say, "Since you wont help clean your toys up, you cannot play with them anymore today." I didn't handle it the best way. I didn't know what to do. The whole day had been chalked full of these situations and I just lost it emotionally. Will walked in the door at 9pm and I said, "Does anyone you know want a little boy????" jokingly of course (well sort of) But I have no help, no babysitters, no assistance, its just me and Solomon so I do get these choking moments...where I just need out...only for an hour or so but with Will's schedule it rarely happens.

Another issue is image. Yesterday was a particularly horrifying day. Everytime I walked my the mirror I just bawled my eyes out. I still cannot accept what my body has become since having Solomon. I have been working my butt off at the gym (well I took a week or so off but before that) doing 60-90 mins a day of intense cardio with what seems to be no results. I hate what I see. This saggy kangaroo pouch that is now my stomach has got to go! I just feel defeated, like a complete failure. Why can't I just complete this task? I need to lose 30 lbs. And note to self, avoid at all costs (although I can't think of much I could have done differently) gaining 60lbs during a next pregnancy!!!! AHHHHH...I'm a weepy mess. I hate weigth, I hate food, but msot of all, I hate feeling unlovable because of my appearance...this brings me to my next issue.

I am toiling with the issue of having a little girl. I don't know that I will have a girl but if I did, I seriously question my ability to mother a little girl. I have very unhealthy self-esteem and I never want another girl on this planet to feel this way...much less accidentally raise a child to feel the same why. I have just started reading "Captivating" so maybe that will have some insight for me.

I know in a week I will feel better. (My mom is home for the week...that always makes everything harder. Seeing as how we live in her guest house!!!) My mom and I have had a huge fight every day this week, so that is a blast. Nine months until we move...nine months until we move...I just keep repeating that. I miss Will. He is gone constantly...I curse that school!!!! Why do they steal him from me!!!?!?!?! Not fair. Again, nine more months! I will finish this season out...and begin a new chapter. I cannot wait.

I am trying to be strong. I just feel lonely and defeated. This too shall pass...of this I am sure.

Coffee and Momma's

I love coffee...mmmm...I got a $30 gift card for Starbucks for my bday...only $5.38 left...sadness. It's fantastic to get an iced coffe or iced Americano whenever I want.

Yesterday Solomon and I went to the park...TWICE. We went in the morning because I really wanted to make sure he was tired for a good long nap. It was a blast. He LOVES the slide...he calls it a "WEEEEEEEEE." The park we went to is quite large and had tons of grass for running. We took advantage of that. It was just wonderful.

We came home, took a wonderful bath and then headed to bed. He took the PERFECT nap. He woke up right at 1:15, ate lunch and were off to park #2. It was, um not even close to being a toddler friendly park. Gorgeous and wonderful, but a lake with thousands of duck, into which my son wanted to swim and ride ducks, not pleasant...haha...we still had a little fun...he ran like a mad man. The other momma's that we met there felt the same, um, madness. It was jsut really hard to keep track of a really roudy wild man. Hillary has two boys. Most of my friends have little angelic angles who do not make peeps...so it was nice to be with some "normal" boys haha. It was lovely being the only one running after her child screaming, please stop, don't jump, ahhhhhh." We went to the library after that. It was jsut a really nice time.

I am glad that we got the chance to hang out with momma's and that I am able to drink coffee.
Life is beyond good.

P.S. I found a good homemade wipes recipe
• 1/2 c Aloe Vera Juice (soother)
• 15 drops of Grapefruit Seed Extract (which kills bacteria)
• 5 drops of Grapefruit Essential Oil
• Boiled water

The Toofers

Well, today, for the first time, I had dental work done. I still have had no cavities but I had this slight hole/erosion that was sensitive so that had to "fill" it. Ever since having Solomon, I kis you not, I am terrofied of pain!!! I was sooo scared that my hands were shaking. I was frantically texting Will and my sister, April. I was so scared. Turns out, the shot didn't hurt that bad but can I say, this numb, fat lip, fat tongue feeling is just horrific!!!! haha...it is finally, 4 hours later, starting to wear off...I hope to never have to do anything like that again.

On much more exciting notes, Solomon had a Dr appt today. I like to call them weigh/ measure appts because that is all we have done. We don't vaccinate or do any of the other "typical" things but I just like to get his weight and length. Maybe someday I will get my own baby scale haha. He is in the 95 percentile in height and 75 for weight. I was worried about his weight a little bit just because he isn't the biggest eater but was relieved to see that even the med community thinks its normal. Whew! The Dr did say that he should be off his bottle by now :( I tried to make a few excuses but I am just trying to do what I can. I know that I know Solomon best...so I just need to realize that...and not stress over everyone else's opinion.

Another sweet Solomon moment...he was playing with some DVD's and came across Dumbo and I have not heard another word since then...he is obsessed with it. I have finally given in to letting him watch it right now...he is totally hypnotized haha...I hate the TV/Movie idea, but sometimes, I suppose I just need to lighten up and relax...thats where Will comes in to balance me out...

Well I work tonight...nannying...just a short shift while Cliftons parents go out for bit...hopefully it is uneventful...

I just feel like I need to reiterate how much I LOVE this avenue of blogging...it has really brightened up my state of mind :)