Sunday, April 27, 2008


Today, this fun ROASTING Sunday morn, it is supposed to be over 100 degrees!!! 95 at the beach, where you will definately find us. HOWEVER, I have nothing to wear there. Bathing suits are not my thang, and I don't do shorts well I think I am going to sprint over to Target and see if I can find anything to fit for todays festivites. Jackie (Will's mum) is still here with us. Today, as stated, beach. Tomorrow, beach. And Tuesday, Disneyland.

Last night we got to see the Mwangaza Children's Choir perform at Rock Harbor. WOW!!! How elated was I to see Pastor Peter and Pastor Fred, whose homes I have personally visited in Kampala, Uganda. It's been 5 years and I didn't expect them to remember me, but I went and re-introduced myself. Solomon LOVED it. He was dancing and clapping and signing/saying MORE MORE MORE!!! SOOOO cute!!! We loved it! I want to go back more than ANYTHING. I sure hope the opportunity arises soon!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Honored To Know Her

I have been more than a recluse lately. Its been an interesting time and I just don't know how to relate with the world at the moment. I almost feel like I have no where to go and even if I did, the last thing I want to do is sit and rehash everything. But I am going to try to get a little out here...hopefully it works.

My gramma died one week ago Tuesday. It was a horrificly painful process to watch and see and experience. She has been a step away from death, so it seemed, for 3 years now. Minor heart attacks everyday, MD's saying "take as much morphin as you want" because she was just that close. She was an inspiration to everyone who knew her, being so sick and still making it to her bolwing team two times a week, still bending over backwards for everyone she knew. Even as she was slowly starting to forget things, people, important dates, you just knew that her endless love and self sacrifice was still there...dispite the glossy look that came over her eyes. It was hard for me to spend time with her. She would get so frustrated if she would forget and I just hated seeing her like that. I didn't see her much lately...but I don't feel guilty about that. She knew how much I loved her and how thankful I was/am that she was SUCH a MASSIVE part of my life. The funeral was harder to get through than I thought. I thought, because she was in so much pain, that I would feel a sense of relief for her, she is finally in heaven and the feet of God, where she wanted to go...yet somehow, I was still stuck with grief every so often, having trouble sleeping. When we walked into the church I saw her beautiful pictures and casket and I just started to cry. My dad got up and spoke through tears, my aunt Laurie spoke through tears and then Adam sang the song he wrote for was hard...really hard.

My mother in law is here visitng so it has been a bit of a hectic few days. Solomon and I both came down with colds and had to stay home from Disneyland yesterday which is terribly sad. He is still congested but I am feel tons better...THANK YOU ACUPUNCTURE!!! I think we will have a nice visit. She is here for a week and its nice to have her here.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Fun Fun Fun

The obligatory Disneyland picture...we are getting quite the collection haha

Solomon in all his glory!

Will and Solomon at the beach.

Auntie and Nephew cuddles!

Proof that he eats...occasionally!

Solomon, thankfully, enjoys our favorite restaurants, Open Sesame. He is eating friend potatoes, chicken tawook and pita with hummus. Yum!!!

These brownies have become a favorite around our house!!!
I bribed him with them so that he would eat the rest of his you can see, it didn't really work.

Spring Festivites

Spring has come and gone here in Southern is the dead of summer, or so it feels...BUT despite my lagging, here is proof that we enjoyed our week or two of spring time.

Of course, easter eggs!!! Never have eggs been so much fun! Solomon LOVED coloring them, see how they changed, and of course, referring to every one as "yellow." haha... No pastels here...I LOVE how bright they are!!


Well when we saw Wicked, Solomon was a teeny little bug...but sadly now, he is growig out of his "Green Babies Rule" I took a few photos to remember it by...farwell sweet onsie!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A Little Low

So, I am in a place at the moment, well perhaps not at the exact moment, but lately, I have been in a low place. I'm trying hard, to be so many things for so many people, including myself, and I am failing at all of them. I am feeling reclusive, anxious, constant sadness... I want to be brave, power through it...but I just don't feel like I have the strength. A lot of the issues are stemming from my self esteem and self worth (or lack thereof) issues. Ironically enough, we just started a new series at church on Song of Solomon called SexLove&God (if you can listen to the study titled True Beauty, you MUST! it's life changing)...let's just say that I was heaving throughout the entire service with my mouth covered and my nose running down my face. (thanks to the man who brought me an entire roll of toilet paper).

I don't like failing at things, but I just feel like a total failure. I never thought I would be a good wife (Will knew this, but chose to carry on with marrying me) but I, at least, thought I would be a decent mom. But I just don't feel like I am. I always feel like I am several steps behind on what Solomon needs. It is terrible hard just blindly trying to be a child's mother. did this happen? I mean, just when I think I have "figured him out," he has completely changed his whole self...ahhh...whats a mother to do? We have finally calmed down a bit but for 2 weeks there I just didn't have a CLUE what to do. I was feeling like he was totally asking for boundaries but I didn't know how to give them to him in a way that he could actually keep/obey them. We have started a "time out" that requires Solomon chest to chest with either Will or I, held tightly, the more he resists the closer we hold him. It really works well for us, I mean, Will and I actually feel incontrol. We never really felt "in charge" because he would just run away from us in regular time outs and crack up like it was a game. So yes, this has helped me feel like I am a little bit more in control of my life and feel a little more like a mother, instead of that babysitter who doesn't have a clue what she is doing. So that is definately a good thing.

Well...I am just trying to make a few decesions, work through lots of issues...I am just begging that God hold me close, because I need guidance and care from the Only One who completelyu understands the pains of my soul...