Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A Solomon Serenade

My mother-in-law took this on her phone so it's a little blurry but oh so cute!

Smiles Strollers and Fun... OH MY!

This is Solomon's new smile...its hilarious!

And he had so much fun in his play stroller that is definately NOT meant for a 30+ pound child haha.

Treated Like a Celebrity???

This weekend we went to Ngoma which happens to be the only place in the US that I know about where I can get Matooke...a Ugandan delicacy that is absolutely fabulous! I miss Uganda a lot and it's nice to have such a fabulous meal every now and then...

On the drive home I saw a billboard for Rodeo Drive Cosmetic Surgery. All it said was, "We have treated everyone, like a celebrity..." gag... I was repulsed...still am.

It was ironic in a way. Memories flooding my mind of all the time I have spent in Africa (Uganda, Rwanda, Sudan). Remembering a time where every breath I took felt like it had meaning. Caring for orphans widows and some of the most amazing survivors that I have ever/will ever meet... and then smack!! "we can hack your face up to look like a celebrity" wow...I truly don't have anything else to say about it. it just makes my heart sad...

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sleepy Time and Nemo Mania

Last night was a sweet yet trying one. Solomon is having a bit of trouble with him 2-year-molars. He has had a tough time with all of his teeth and these buggers, of course, seem to be no different. He woke up once at 2am begging for "dada" and a "baba" so I hand him over. Will is so willing to get up with him at night, and its a good thing, because his mama strike is lasting forever! He woke up again at 4ish asking for the same. And then at 5:30 he was crying and crying so I got up and just forced him to love me haha. We rocked for a few minutes. He was cuddling, I was loving it. I asked him if he wanted to go lay on the love seat, on the pillow there with me. It was SOOO cold so I got some blankets and we snuggled, no, crammed onto the love seat together. For those of you who don't know, Will and I have a loft bed that is 8 ft in the air, so co-sleeping has been out of the picture ever since Solomon rolled over...hence the love seat grrr. Solomon fell asleep in minutes and there I was, awake and uncomfortable for 2 hours, until he woke up. It was really nice to cuddle with him, and sleep near him. its been such a long time since he has done that. He loves his crib and he loves to have his own space. I am grateful for that. I know its hard to get a child used to their own sleeping space and its nice that he enjoys that without having to be convinced to.

The big TWO-YEAR-PARTY-EXTRAVAGANZA is coming up soon. June 28th, Solomon will be 2. I'm very thankful... we didn't give him a 1st birthday party because he was so young and we didn't have the funds. We just went as a family to the Long Beach Aquarium, which was a BLAST!

Because of Solomon's love for fish, sharks, water, boats, bubbles and of course, Finding Nemo, we decided on a Nemo/Aquarium theme. We were debating on this or Disney Cars...but since it is summer and we are going to be outside and swimming, we decided on Nemo. I am grateful that she is doing this because we really couldn't afford it right now.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Being Born...

I haven't yet expressed how much I loved the documentary The Business of Being Born. It was just really amazing. Solomon's birth was so hard for me, even though I labored at home with my husband and doula for 12 hours...even though I had the most supportive Dr ever who was BENDING OVER BACKWARDS for me to have a natural birth. After 26 hours of hard active labor and almost 3 days of no sleep, I got the epidural. I don't regret my birth at all. We did what we did and it was a horrific and wonderful few days. I always thought "well what if it is that hard again and I need an epidural?" But after this I thought that I really would almost certainly have a home birth, or at least a midwife in the hospital...wow...what an awesome movie!

Then I found this incredible blog, The Human Pacifier, You MUST check it out!

I want to...more

I feel really bad that I haven't recorded more of Solomon's life. He is such a big boy now and I have so little documented. I always forget. I need to take more pictures and video more of him. I keep both in my fruit bowl to help me remember... haha...doesn't work well. I will work on that from now on.

April is done with her semester...yeah for sister summer time!

I want to read more. I want to start keeping track of what I'm reading. I always feel like I have to finish something before I start something else. BUT I am reading three books right now and it doesn't feel as overwhelming as I imagined.

I want to start working out more. I need to find a babysitter. Just someone to come play with Solomon for an hour and a half or so. Any takers?

I want to start being more present and more conscious, in every area...this is how I can make a change in this world. This is my purpose.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

War War and More War

My dreaming last night was just awful. I need acupuncture!!! It really helps with nightmares!

I feel like the entire night was just dream after dream of me and some portion of my family being in the midst of war torn territory. It was horrible. Constant fear, constant hiding, constant running. I kept waking myself up and trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't have to continue the nightmare...but I just kept falling back into.

I woke up just feeling heavy. I have brought a child into the world amidst the wars that are going on and it has me passionate to do something about it. Collectively, as people, as a country, as a world, as a whole, we can bring about peace by just shifting our consciousness and being present. We can bring ourselves to now individually and in turn make world wide changes. I need this. Our world needs this on so many levels. I just don't know how to channel my passion and my mission into "convincing" others that peace is a necessity. All I can do is be present I suppose, set a standard and let my life shine. Lord help me...

Solomon woke up in a hissy this morning. I brought him home this cool "Mack" truck and motorcycle from Disneyland yesterday. He woke up crying, which isn't normal, but was yelling, through tears, "MACK!!!!! CYCLE!!!!!!!!!!!" So I went to get him up and he started thrashing and kicking saying, "NOOOO DADDY DO IT!!!!!" Ugh...good morning to you too sunshine! It's like he senses that Will has work/school and just doesn't want anything to do with me! He does all that he can to distract Will to keep him here. I feel sad for him because I know it is really hard to have such a good daddy who is gone so much. At the same time, I always feel like chopped liver, whatever that means. I spend my whole day with him giving him every ounce I can...and I get the daddy-do-it-card every single day!

Silence is now here, ah nap time. I must go indulge in the sickness that is watching the bachelorette...(cringes! yet is secretly excited)

Monday, May 19, 2008

'Bout Time

Where have I been???

May 10th- We did the AIDS WALK and what an awesome day it was. It was pretty hot. We got up early and headed down to Angel Stadium. It was a 3 mile walk. Solomon was in his stroller and it was such a blast. Allow me to digress for a moment. A man, oh a man, was perched across the street and the main cross walk that the over 100 people were walking past. He had a 15ft or so sign, black with white letters, "BELIEVE IN JESUS" it said. He was shouting on his bull horn, "SINNERS!!!!!!!!!" Wow...I can't even dignify this with words. But you can imagine what a slap in the face this was for the 400 people that were from our church, RockHarbor not me mention all the others that were there living with AIDS. Enough... it was a big sucess and incredibly rewarding to go out and do something like this as a family. We got home, had a nap and then KelliAnn and I got manicure/pedicures for her bday (that was like 2 months ago haha). I was a nice relaxing day.

Well there was Mothers Day. It want a great day. My own mom and I got into a massive screaming match. Those are always a joy. Will and I talked my sister into watching Solomon's monitor so that we could go over to Cheryl's and my dads to watch the Survivor finally. Amanda didn't win, so that was the final "cherry on top" to my lousy day.

May 14th, I watched Sara's girls. She had to go to court for the termination of their birth parents parental rights (which they ended up postponing for the SECOND TIME booo!!!) so I hung out with the kiddos. . Melody, 5, is a bit of a bohemian diva. She doesn't exactly grasp that Solomon and Kimberly, 18 months, are babies. Solomon was babbling to her and she gets this big girl look on her face, puts her hands on her hips, rolls her eyes, grits her teeth and say, "I have NO CLUE what the HECK you are saying!!!" haha...and of course the tattling was driving me bonkers. Between Solomon not listening to me, and Kimberly screaming/squealing/shrieking every time Solomon even came remotely close (cant blame her, he usually hurts her haha), I wasready for reinforcments when Sara got home. I am glad that I can help her like this. She watched Solomon a few days a week for about 2 months while I attempted to go back to work (and failed miserably at, because I missed Solomon FAR too much!).

May 15th, we went to a swim date with friends. I was SO proud of Solomon. He was the most incredibly sharer. He was saying, "Sollie's turn please (while signing please)" even though the boys were older than him and were grabbing everything off of him. He did bonk a little boy on the head once, but that was after being shoved by him haha. I was just so impressed at how he listened and obeyed and played nicely...I have been beaming ever since!!!

Saturday, I went for an "interview" for a few days of nannying a 2 y/o girl and a 3 mo/o boy. I met the most awesome family EVER! Amy is a momma who is passionate about natural childbirth and parenting. They are eco-conscious and a very gentle warm family. Amy and I hit it off. Her kids and husband seemed wonderful. They ended up inviting Will , Solomon and I over for swimming and barbecuing. It was really hard with Solomon, he was just all over the place and I was sweating just from chasing him!!! so I wont be taking the job...BUT Will and Amy's husband, Brett totally hit it off. Our kids got along. We have more in common than should be humanly possible. It was really fun and we cannot WAIT to do it again!! Thank you enannysource.com haha...

Today, Jen and I got to go to Disneyland...JUST US!!! (thank you Will!!!!) I was an adult for SEVEN whole hours. Can you imagine?? What a great feeling!!! Her and Justin also offered to watch Solomon for Will and my anniversary which is on the 28th. I am super excited. Now we just need to think of something to do. We don't usually get babysitters...so this will be SUCH a treat. Solomon's birthday is on the 28th of June, and my mom is going to throw him a party...yeah...an event to plan. I'm excited. She wants a "theme" and I am truly torn. Dumbo, Cars, and Nemo are all such a tie...how is a mother to decide???

I think I am pretty well caught up... OH yes, Dr Yamata, Wills Private Practice Rotation (PPR) supervising doctor, as kinda been offering him a job. Its not that he can really take it. I mean he offered a really good salary but if we went to PA and made the same, we would automatically still be "making more" in PA just because the cost of living is about 1/3 of what it is here...anyway, just thought I would throw that out there...

Must go watch Dancing With The Stars with Will now...even though I am royally disappointed with it!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

A Child of Commercialism

My heart goes out to parents these days. I find myself constantly feeling pressure to have what is newest, coolest, most, for Solomon. I want him to be the smartest, best dressed, stuff-having child...and that is WAY too much pressure for one little guy. I want him to feel like he "has everything" because I always had "nothing." I LOVE being a minimalist...although I am FAR from my ideal picture of our lives and low consuming people, I LOVE it and I work daily to get rid of, simplify and live on as little as we can. When I was younger, it was always, "Oh we are so poor, we have so little, we are never going to make it, we have to shop at this place and you clothes aren't going to be as cool as so-and-so's." So during Solomon's first year of life I felt like he HAD to have $50 newborn size Pumas that he wore once, and $40 jeans from Nordstrom that he never wore...and I sold them for $1 on craigslist. A little before he was one I started to get a bit of a nagging, something that was unsatisfying about that life that I was subjecting him to. I think it started when I realized how saturated his life is in "stuff" and commercialism. We bought some Earth's Best Elmo crackers for him to snack on. Well I needed more space in the cabinet I took the crackers OUT of the elmo box and put them in a zip-baggie. He refused to eat them...HUH???? How does my almost one year old refuse them because they don't have Elmo on the box?????? I was distraught!!! How could this be?? I am MAJOR stickler about TV. Way more so than Will and Solomon knows it. After a day with Daddy, I usually have to put him on what I lovingly call a TV diet. :) He would watch TV day and night if he could and I just HATE when it's on. I will say, we got into a VERY bad habit of watching a DVD while eating because he was on this awful eating strike...but we are over that now. I don't think I am very balanced because I hate the TV on...HATE IT!!! I just feel like he sponges it up...ever bit. Sometimes its great but other time...no bueno! Here is why...

In Target, everything he recognizes, he wants...and not just wants to play with, wants to have it forever and ever. He is getting SO much better as he is older, 2 in June, and can communicate more, but sometimes I have to COMPLETELY avoid the toy/clothing section lest he see something with Lightening McQueen on it. He is a sweet little soul though, and he can be reasoned with...most of the time.

Today, we were in Target. I cannot appropriately express this child's love for anything with wheels...trucks, cars, airplanes, motorcycles etc. So we see these little monster trucks and I had more shopping to do so I let him hold two of them, explaining that the store is going to share with us for a little bit, but since they aren't our, we will have to put them back when we leave. It comes time to check out and I ask him to "call daddy" by handing him my cell phone. He happily drops the trucks to take my phone and I pounce on the moment to sneakily snatch those little guys and drop them faster than fast! After about 10 seconds of "daddy calling" he looks around and starts desperately searching for the trucks, calling out for them. I explained to him that we had to leave them here because they belong to the store and we will get the trucks we have in the car and the bazillion that we have at home. He begins to cry...not the I-am-not-getting-what-I-want-how-can-you-do-this-to-me-cry but a devastated-my-mommy-just-broke-my-heart-cry. I reasoned with him and held him close and tried my hardest to comfort him, but he was clearly devastated. I felt awful. Especially because the trucks were like $1.99. I could have easily bought them. HE cried the whole way home, massive tears COVERING his face. "Momma, red truck, yellow truck." It was totally sad. The tears would subside for a moment and then he would remember and just mourn his loss all over again. It was very sad. We kept talking about it and even then I gave him the cool "Uncle Aaron race car" that we had in our car, it wasn't even comparable. We got home (it was nap time so I know that added to the drama) and had a bottle. He was in his crib now and the video monitor was on and he was just talking to himself about the darn trucks!!! He started crying and calling for me. So...I went in and we rocked some more. He asked to hold one of his trucks, and I, of course let him. He wanted to keep it in his crib with him and I also allowed him to. He fell right to sleep after that...cuddling his truck. AHHHHHH!!!!

So it was a massive ordeal, but it was big enough to make me feel bad and make me feel like I should give him his hearts desires. I feel like the middle man here in this war with my son and the all consuming comercialized world. I don't like feeling pulled but I want Solomon to know the value of life is not in what he has. All in all I am glad that we didn't get the trucks. I am heartbroken that is was so hard on him, and I know that it will get easier as he gets older. I just truely wish we coudl live in a little house in the middle of the woods where I could hand wash our clothes, hang them to dry (oh yes, this is my latest passion...I LOVE IT!!!), live without all things that can be lived without, and continue to show Solomon the real things in life that was make an impression on the lives around us. Until that happens, we shall continue fighting the "mine mine mine" world that we are submerged in. Its a challenge, but it's important!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

In His Image

Well I have dealt with, almost my entire life, terrible self-esteem issues. I still have them and they torture me everyday, some times every moment. I have an unhealthy relationship with food and a terrible body image. Sometimes I am too anxious about people in public seeing this "unlovable me." Sometimes I weigh myself 30 times a day. Sometime it wakes me up at night and I just ponder my "ugliness and worthlessness" for hours. I know that it isn't logical and I know it is a terrible terrible place for me to be...nevertheless...its here...ever present.

Yesterday, my sister and her boyfriend went to the park with Solomon and I. Her boyfriend left his sunglasses over by the swings and so he ran back to get them. April was wearing shorts (and has a hot rockin' bod in my opinion...I'd LOVE it!!!) and she kinda freaked out a little bit and turned around to face me (I was behind her) and stopped saying, "Wait, I don't want him to see my cellulite!!! PLease stop walking and lets wait for him so he wont see it." I wanted to cry. All I said was, "Oh April stop it...you don't have any...you are beautiful! Ugh!!!" I mean that. I wanted to cry knowing that those obsessive thoughts were going through her head. It made me sad. And I meant what I said!! She is beautiful JUST HOW SHE IS. I hear that...but in my case I think people are lying and I never believe it.

It's a tragedy that I do not know the solution to. I felt this way before my body morphed into a post pregnancy kangaroo pouchy ball of blub (there I am putting myself down again). So to me, the answer is just unknown...I don't know where to start, much less how to finish...but I will say that if I could take away/take on on my sweet sisters poor image thoughts...I would do it.

Our SexLove&Money study gave TONS of stats abotu body image and weigth issues on a slide show before we started it. Here were some of the stats: (I might be a TAD off on the exact percentages but just a TAD)
-80% of girls/woman or more terrified of getting fat than, nuclear warfare or losing thier parents.
-8 years ago, the average age in girls for "dieting" was 13. Now it is 9.
Darn, there were so many other good ones...I will write them down tonight at church and post more later.

Image...aren't we created in HIS image? Maybe I don't even remotely understand what that means...I don't know...there has to be an answer to this. Women, least of all, little girls, should NOT have to live like this! I know there is hope...I jsut know it.

Friday, May 2, 2008

In The Words of My Husband...

Deconditioning: A Process
by will
There is a difference between deconditioning and propaganda. when the people around you all are asleep and you wake someone up out of fragmentation, of "we are better", of hate, of war, that is deconditioning. propaganda is the status quo. the norm to quiet the masses.
amber and I were at disney land with my mom and solomon this past week, and we over heard on different occasions parents telling their kids, people telling people about "terrorists"..this was not a coincidence, its an integral part to the consciousness of society...if you tell someone over and over again of terror and terrorists thats propaganda. if you wake them up and realize fear is an illusion, and the powers of this world have created an illusory monster, you decondition.
if you are taught to fear and demonize the gay community because you are taught to give freedom only to people like yourself because i mean, God forbid if all people have a right to freedom under the constitution to love and solidify that love under the law of this counry. if you use (weakly) a few scriptures to pervert its intent while ignoring thousands of other verses applicable to your life. when you read the scripture in a consciousness of vendetta and contempt you will see only vendetta and contempt while blinded to internal change. always pointing the finger anywhere but inward. if you are woken up from this fragmented dream, you are awake not propagandized.
rich mullens, the author of the worship song "awesome God", who was killed in a car crash years ago said something very profound, ill paraphrase. He said to a church, you guys are into the born again thing, which is great, becaue jesus told a guy that you must be, but if you tell me I have to be in order to get into heaven, ill tell you you have to sell all of your belongings because jesus said this to another guy. But I guess thats why God created high lighters, so we can underline the parts we like and ignore the parts we dont.
brothers and sisters, deconditioning ourselves to a place of unconditonal love should be our objective and not feared. a love that knows no conditions. transcending illusory externalities. throwing away the politicising of random verses while missing the point. Seeing the good in others is very hard for me, but its also necessary for me. I have been forgiven and given much. so i should forgive and give much. without love, i have nothing. Jesus says in Revelations his followers had "abandoned the Love you had"
Some our threatened and fear Love (for others not for themselves) because they think its weak and wimpy and the other L word (liberal), in effect proverbially spitting on their Creator. Love is a dynamic force of power. Love is pervading and intense. Love is revolutionary. The "world" (by that I mean physicality and everyone who puts their faith in it) hates Love. Of course their is a time for judgement. But its about balance, and we are so out of balance with Love, we have alot of balancing to do and we are not even called to judge but only to Love.
Fear causes blockages my friends. it causes war in our hearts which causes war in our homes which causes war globally. When we realize this fear (or pride/hate etc which are all manifestations of the ego/flesh) that we say is us but is not, when we realize it is divisive, we will shine. When we realize this fear which we worship is satanic and not even real, we will learn to let go and not be defined by something we think is a part of our being but in truth does not exist. we shall be set free.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Sentences and Potty Time!!!

Solomon is putting 3-4 words together!!! I LOVE it! He is just a big boy now! I can't believe it! He says things like, "No mommy do it" "Go to Grammas house" "Get up please" "Daddy sit down!" haha. It is a BLAST! It's just amazing that he is doing so much, so all-of-a-sudden!

Our next endeaver....dun dun dun...POTTY TRAINING! We are going to really start at it on Monday I think. He is TOTALLY ready and I have just been a bit lazy. But I am excited...hopefully it goes smoothly, it not, we will prolong it a bit...

Good luck to us!