Monday, September 28, 2009

My Heart Is Overcome...

To start the morning off, I lost so much sleep thinking of little Daisy and the whole Merrick family. If you watched even a fraction of the video in my last post, you will know their situation is every parents worst nightmare.

Then...Will was in the bathroom. I heard him gasp. He got a text. His aunt had just died. She had breast cancer. They thought they removed it all. She was just told about a week ago that it had spread to her bones and her whole body. She is gone.

I also got an email from a friend who is having a hard heart is broken for her looming uncertainty and I just love her so much. I wish I were closer to her so I could spend time with her and be there in ways that I cannot from so far away.

I am asking, begging for your prayers. In times like these we must run to the One, the only One, who is mighty to save. I am trying, in my heart, to continue trusting Him. To be able to tell Him that no matter what, I will trust Him...but it is so hard. The pain and sadness in this world sometimes causes me to have a hard time even taking a single breath...

Savior, You can move the mountian, I know you are mighty to save...Please be near us all...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Trying Our Best...

Trying me best at so many things...and always seeing to come short...this seems to be the theme of my life.

My sweet Shiloh is rolling from back to tummy now. She is laughing and chatting up a storm. I love her. She is so cuddly. Im convinced that if she could spend the rest of her life in someones arms, she totally would. That said, she is also SO content when she is put down. She spins all around in her excersaucer and plays with her little toys. She drags her favorite toys to her mouth and just plays like a crazy babe...she is wonderful and magical. She got a little cold recently, nothing to fuss over, just restless for a night...

Which brings me to a recent visitor. Jen came to visit. She and I spent in Will's and my room with Shiloh and the boys camped out in Solomons room. It was fun...well by fun I mean, one night we tossed and turned and got to sleep WAY to late...the next night, Shiloh was awake like every ten minutes and the night after that, good sleep finally came. She took some photos of us, which I cannot wait to see (hint hint) and also had about 5 other shoots that she did here. Can't wait to see those either.

Solomon started preschool yesterday. Orentation consisted of us parents listening to a run down of the day and month while the kids had free play and then the kids cleaned up to come listen to a story...Now my sweet Solomon is not a fan of play ending. He was very said that he had to give up a motorcycle that he was playing with to have circle time. He raised his hand and tearfully said, "Excuse me, I am having a hard time!!" His teacher was very sweet and told him that it will get easier as time goes on. I know she is right. Structure like that will do him good. Im excited to see him begin loving school. They sang If You're Happy And You Know It and he came home singing it for the rest of the day. That really warmed my heart. First day of school photos featured below :)

I have to add that I do not enjoy this photo of me...eww..I look terrible...but how cute is Solomon???

Hello cute preschooler!!!

I think I caught Will off guard

I forget if I have mentioned this or not. Will is committing two years to be his dads associate. Which for me is a HUGE relief. I do not like paying bills, AT ALL. But I like it even less when our income changes every month. So this way, things feel much safer. We are working on getting out moving debt paid off and once we do that, we are going to put all that money toward...dun dun dun...a NEW CAR!!! I am really over sharing a car. Im ready to have a nice comfortable 2 cars. I knw that puts us in like the 5% wealthiest people in the world, and ok ok ok ...I don't need but I will be truely thankful for it. On the money topic. Will and I (emphasis on the I since I do our bills) had slacked off on tything...simply because we just didnt have any extra. Well I decided that I was just going to trust that God would provide...and lo and behold, the first the DOLLAR, we had just enough to pay everything. That made me feel so cared for by my creator...I am so thankful that we made that choice to trust that God would take care ofus...because he does and He always will.
We booked our flights to CALIFORNIA!!! We get to go home for 10 lovely days and it could not come any quicker!!! WE are going in October and I am SO excited. I miss everyone and everything more than I ever thought I would. Its been really hard on me lately. I miss the cultural diversity. Its SO different being in a town of ALL white people. I mean, seriously, seeing an African American is like shocking...and an Asian, Indian, or Latino...I would gasp. I miss that. I miss having Solomon around diversity. I miss good restaurants (there are like 900 different pizza places, Italian Restaurants  and Open Sesame, Ngoma, heck even BJ's, Baja Fresh, Don Joses and Jamba Juice have me tearing up in homesickness.) I cannot wait to go home for a visit. Im really looking forward to good food and good company...not that I don't have that here, because I do. I love where we live even though it has annoying traits, but so did California...I have made awesome friends here, really kind lovely people and I am happy that we can afford a nice, spacious place to live. That is something we could not currently have in California.
A lot has been on my mind lately in regards to people and trusting so heavily in the medical community. How can you do it? How can you just beg for antibiotics or some other drug just to eliminate your symptoms instead of asking questions, educating yourself and getting to the seed of the problem. I cannot believe people would put their children on life long doses of HARMFUL things, rather than change their diet, get to the cause, and eliminate the problem all together. It really makes me sad. I know so many people dealing with ear infection after ear infection, or constant breathing treatments, or constipation and all they do is drug them up...makes me so sad...I can't even touch on it. I know most people are doing their best, but I just don't understand why so few people ask questions. Its as if they trust a stranger more than they trust themselves as the MOTHER/FATHER of the child. No one could tell me something was the best for my child...I know what is best for him. There is a place for medical professionals to assist parents in making serious decisions like in emergency rooms for drastic emergencies...but not for constipation and wonder this society is so unhealthy...and no wonder MDs and Ins Co's get bigger and better cars/houses/swimming pools as the days go by....sad...makes me so sad.
TV fasting is still semi in place. It wasn't a permanent thing but it has made our lives SOOOO much more wonderful!!! Solomons addiction to it is totally gone. IF he watched TV at all, its only for about 30 minutes or so. WE LOVE IT!!! HE loves to play so much more now...and I could not be more thrilled.
I am struggling a little bit. With some anger. I feel like Im always angry at myself for not being enough...not being who or what I want to be. I have such high standards on myself and it is tiring, exhausting and disappointing. I hold others to these standards, whether it be my husband, ids, or friends....and I don't want to be angry when other and myself cannot live up to these ludicrous standards...i want to give the anger up. More than that, I want to lower my standards, relax a little, enjoy the moment and be present.
Finally. I have been working out. I have like 50lbs to lose!!! I still have 20 from Shilohs pregnancy and another 20 that I never lost with Solomon...I know that is only 40 but, ok 50 would be awesome! I started doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I got everyone I know doing it because it is a 20 minute work out that seriously KICKS MY BUTT! Because I am nursing, I didn't want to diet or restrict my eating (I eat very healthy for the most part and I need to eat a good bit to keep my milk supply up...its just how my body works). that in conjunction with some burst training has landed me 8lbs lighter in 4 weeks and stronger than I think Ive ever been. Im proud of myself for sticking to it, scared of failing at it, but I wanted to say it because its important to me, no matter the outcome.
So many times in life, I lose my focus...actually so many times in my DAY I lose focus and I need to stay grounded...its hard for me. Emotionally, I can be so unstable...but thankfully, I have awesome family and friends to see me through...