Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Don't Get It

Yah know, several months ago, life was a lot more boring...to others at least. For Will and I, we work hard to make the right choices for our family, as I think most people do. We make choices based on our convictions, our beliefs and how those align with the Bible. We don't make them for any other reasons...not because it will please our parents or friends, not because it is easy...but because we truly believe they are right. I seem to have always been the child, out of my parents 4 children, that made the decisions that my parents thought weren't the right ones. I made the choice to graduate from high school early, to move to Africa alone at 19 years old, to move out and tons of other minor things...they always thought it wasn't the right choice, but they were always wrong. Usually they trust that even if my choices don't make sense to them, that I am doing what I think is right. Lately...it seems like things have changed...especially with my dad. He and I are usually SO close..., but something is going on, as if he doesn't trust my judgement anymore. He has been vocal about judging my "Christian Heart" and I just don't know where he is coming from. He has made some mistakes in the past...all of which he is forgiven for, but it just seems strange coming from him... I feel pretty blindsided by him. Its been so strange and I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I'm not sure how to handle it...things are not getting better and we have a vacation planned in a few weeks with him and Will and I just don't want it to be awkward with him. Ugh... Im just confused...

I think a lot of this is all exaggerated by my emotions. Will and I both are getting really nervous about moving, and graduating and figuring out where he is going to practice...there's a new baby coming and some many "what if's" before us... It's all compounded together and stressing me out...I need a break...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Pregnancy, Aliens and Pirates...OH MY!

Well this is the baby at 14 weeks, which is where we are now. Suddenly, Im back to feeling pretty pukey in the morning and at night. I have been getting, what I lovingly call "the gags" every night. The toilet just grosses me out so much that I have to go outside and just dry heave until it passes. Its not so much fun...and Im really ready for it to be over.

My stomach just sorta popped out this week. I thought I was just piling on the pounds but I weighed myself and I lost a pound so it was just my uterus making itself known. I woke up yesterday morning and it was a hard ball...once I moved around it kinda softened up and sunk back in, but it was pretty cool...I made Will feel it. :) Well he felt it willingly :)

I have been able to nap lately, which is just fabulous news, if you know me at all. I have had, (another self created title) sleep anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have been diagnosed with anxiety before, but handle it really well now (knock on wood)...and am sure that one would say I have insomnia...but for it was just always this anxiety about sleeping. When I was little I was always terrified that I would be the last one awake and then...you know...I'd be awake alone (ok so at 26 years old, it doesn't sound that scary) and that alone would paralyze me in fear. I would lay awake for entire nights occasionally...now its just more of me stressing out about getting into bed early in case I can't fall asleep or wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall asleep. Naps, oh naps just never ever happen...until now. So I am really excited about them. In fact, I look forward to them everyday.

Is it just me or is this election turning people into all levels of aliens? My father-in-law, (who secretly- or not so secretly loves a good debate haha) went nuts when he found out who Will was voting for. The bottom line is we are all adults and we all have rights asBut I just can't wait until next week. The decision will be made, (unless we have a tragic repeat of hanging chads and all that non-sense) and the people who normally aren't so hateful can put the hate into hibernation for at least 4 years...

Solomon is going to be a pirate for Halloween...or was a pirate already I suppose. He wore his costume for days on end, slept with his sword and could think of nothing else. Well Jen came over and was going to snap a few shots of him...but he was a total punk and wanted nothing to do with it. We convinced him to put it on but he was nothing near pleased to be in it...and these pictures of some of the best ones (well actually they are all that I have seen, but I'm imagining they are the best...oh he is just so darn cute!!!)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

A New Season Is Upon Us.

At the end of this week, your baby officially enters the second trimester of development. Although only 3 inches from crown to rump and weighing just half an ounce, she looks, well, human! Her eyes have moved from the sides of her head to the front, and her ears are in their normal position. She's also got reflexes--if you prod her, she'll squirm (although you still won't feel it), and her hands and feet respond to stimuli by closing or clenching.

In August, I posted this but little did I know, I was already pregnant...haha. Only for about 24 hours...but thats the way it happened. We had kinda decided, "Well lets just maybe wait..." I was disappointed, sad, even got a little depressed. I felt like it was time for us but we got scared. With our upcoming move, we just didn't know if we could handle it all. I had felt a really heavy presence surrounding me for that entire month...like a soul was beckoning to come down and be apart of our family. I went to see Dr Yu, who is the most amazing acupuncturist in all the world. (She is the amazing Dr who told me I was pregnant with Solomon a week after we conceived him...and not long after, told me it was a boy...so she's fabulous!! Not to mention she cured my life long asthma and allergies.) Dr Yu said, "Well, I'd say you're pregnant...and I'd say it's a girl!" (Im still pulling for a boy which is what the Chinese Calendar says...but of course will be happy with either) I have to say...I took a few negative tests before I finally got the positive one... and I was weeping...gosh I was just so sure that Dr Yu was wrong that I didn't even wait for Will to be home to take, what I was SURE would be, another negative test!!! I grabbed Solomon and we raced to Wills clinic to go show him the plus sign.

At first, I felt really great! I was really excited because I felt really horrible with Solomon. At the time I was a shift supervisor at Starbucks, working the opening shift, which put me at work at 4 am...so while I was always tired because of the 40 hour weeks and waking at the crack of dawn, I was able to nap when I got home and go to bed at 5pm, which I did pretty much every day. Things are different now. Im chasing around a very active toddler and that in itself is SO exhausting. Add feeling pukey everyday, and the exhaustion of pregnancy, with potty training said toddler, and its not so fun. I actually got severely depressed for about a month. I didn't leave the house for about that long and it was all I could do to get off the couch and make Solomon lunch. it was just the combination of everything...Will being gone all the time, the hormones that were making me go bonkers, staying home to make sure that Solomon was fully potty trained, feeling queasy everyday until at least 2 pm every darn day, it was just a lot. Will finally dragged me out of the house and it was as if the sun peeked its little face back into my life. Just two hours out of the house really helped me make a leap out of the low low place that I was falling deeper into. I'm SO glad it's not that bad any more...I'm showering again and doing some play dates here and there...so things are definitely brighter.

We had one appointment so far...but didn't get to hear the heartbeat so it almost doesn't feel real yet...well aside from feeling sick for three months haha. Solomon has been having his up's and down's like always. I think it was really hard on him when I was feeling so down and ill. All I could do was go from video to video or PBS show to PBS show...I felt immense guilt because I hate then the TV parents for me. Getting him out of the house has really helped him, so I'm glad to see him feeling better...now to start weaning him off the TV...any suggestions? Gosh, this child has become addicted in the worst way!

I don't look pregnant (Im still carrying around 20 lbs from the 60 that I gained with Solomon, so Im not exactly the ideal size for starting a pregnancy) but I did have to get a pair of maternity pants cause my jeans were all just too tight around the stomach...I think I've gained 3 lbs so far. Im REALLY going to make sure that I do not repeat the 60 lbs gain again...or at least try my hardest...
Im trying to dive into all things natural and home birth. I'm excited, nervous, feeling brave sometimes and terrified others. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is on of my FAVORITE books to read for inspiration. I LOVE that the first half of the book is all homebirth/birthcenter stories. I love reading/hearing others birth stories and I really just feel so at peace with what I read in that book. Im looking for more book suggestions too so feel free to chime in ANY time.

I'm going to try and keep a lot of details here, so that I can remember this pregnancy. Working two jobs and not having children yet, I feel like I just endured my pregnancy with Solomon. I really want to cherish this one...because it might be my last. (We think we would like to adopt a third child if we decide to have more.)

In other news, its really getting close to moving and graduation time. January 6th is coming soon...we have a lot of packing to do...I just don't know when the right time is to start. Any moving advise? We are moving from the west coast to the east coast so it's going to be a big job. The good thing is, we do not have a lot of stuff. We live in a guest house, so its only one room, VERY VERY tiny, and we are leaving most of our things behind...so it wont be too too bad, but its a big job. We are definitely looking forward to a new start and our own place...

Lots of new things going on...lots of changes...and lots and lots of excitement...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Ahem...

A little announcement...

We are having a baby!!! Due to arrive sometime late April-early May :)

Which puts me at the first day of my 4th month...yes we've been keeping it a secret...and it killed me!!! But now, I can moan and groan all over my blog abot how tired I am hahaha...

Friday, October 17, 2008

A Day With Papa

Today, my lovely dad, offered to take Solomon for a few hours. I cannot tell you how much this meant to me. Will and I don't have a lot of time alone...and my alone time is just as scarce. Will is gone all day (actually he has this Nation Boards review class that not only cost $500 but has him gone from 7-7 everyday...its only a week long though so I should shut up...but its during the weekend too!! Which is SO unfair) so it gave me some time to clean the bathroom, mop, do the laurdry and shower...all in ONE DAY!!! It felt like a dream! I missed Solomon like crazy though. My dad was SO sweet. He kept texting me pictures of all their fun...they did SO much in one day!!! He was making Will and I look bad haha!! Here are some of the pictures.

From the fire station.

It doesn't get much better than this!!!

To infinity and beyond at the park...
video
AND Pony rides at the Pumpkin Patch?!?!?!
And now he's off to (likely) take a super dee duper long nap... What a day!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A New Birth

I read quite a few birthing blogs. The Human Pacifier is one of my favorites. She posted this video...


And while I loved it and was totally inspired by it, it kind of freaks me out. Not for reasons one might think though. I have really wanted to have a home birth for a second child... but I'm scared and I cannot figure out why. Solomons birth was in a hospital...with an OBGYN that I loved, who really pushed me to take nothing for my pain and do it totally naturally, like the birth plan that we went over together. After 26 hours of hard labor I felt like I was losing my mind...since I hadn't slept in 3 days, and I just wanted like an hour of sleep. I got the epidural and Will and I both feel no regret. Would I like to do it again? I would definitely try not to. I just...ugh...I just know that I could do it if I were at home but I get SO nervous thinking about it. It's not an issue of safety. There is nothing about a hospital that makes me feel safe. I just feel like Im not strong enough to go through more than 26 hours...it was SO much! I just remember telling Solomon, "Baby, you are our only child...for life" haha because the contractions were unlike anything I have ever ever endured...and Im scared that I would be a total wuss and fail at home. I need pep talked...major pep talking. I want to do it with my whole heart, and I hope that I find the bravery before baby number two comes our way...

This video is beautiful...and inspiring...and I hope with all my heart mine can somewhat resemble it...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I Cannot Keep Silent Any Longer

I've been trying really hard to keep quiet, but I just can't do it. I woke up this morning and my mind was racing. Politics can be a very divisive topic. Why is that? Are people so offended by difference that you cannot even respect another person who you don't agree with? I cannot figure it out...I cannot...

Sarah Palin has been holding her campaign rallies...good for her. You know what isn't good? Not to worry, I'll tell yah. This...when the issues aren't working, when they aren't getting you ahead in the poles, start trying to make people afraid...that my friends, is not good. Start saying things like, "His friends are terrorists, His name is Barack Hussein Obama" Is that all you have? The latest kicker for me is the audience of the rallies saying things like "Kill Obama" with no head shakes from her... This is so sad. Is this where we are? That because you aren't voting for someone you have to shout "Kill Obama." I do not understand this!!! This, from the people who are having her autograph their Bibles...Wow... Is Jesus proud of this?

I'm tired. I'm tired of all the reports... I'm tired of my mom sending me all her really weird (not to mention false) forwards via email. I'm tired of people saying Barack Obama is "evil" but when I ask why, they can't tell me.

People just don't understand what they are doing... Jesus said it best, Father forgive them, they know not what they do. They murder Dr's because they murder babies, they kill homosexuals because they are sinners, they hate difference so much that it makes me wonder...if Jesus came to this earth now, just as He was when He was here, an advocate for peace, a lover of mercy, the ultimate show-er of Gods love, a voice for "the least", a shout against religion, would they kill Him again?

I watched this video and cried...my heart literally mourns...how can Jesus, who did not come to create a religion, have His name slapped on the hearts of those who profess such things... It seems that he is lost all together, just forgotten... its heartbreaking...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Solomon's Animals

We went out to lunch today, for Wills birthday. On the way home, Solomon started to tell me what he and Will did at Borders the day before. He said they read a backhoe loader book, and dump truck book. He ran really fast, he played with animal puppets...

"Oh really?" I ask. "What kind of animals?"

He says, "A sheep, a frog, two monkeys...and a... (he pauses to remember the name of something that you can just tell was REALLY cool to him)...a PIKE-EEE-PORN!!!!"

Que Will and I busting a gut but trying to mask it..."Really?? A porcupine??? That's awesome baby!"

It really made my day.

Birthdays And Total Awe...

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband...who is 25 today. (We are "only a year apart" for 5 months haha) He's been so sweet today. I've been trying to give him a break today, but I was feeling really ill this morning. As I started feeling better I started cleaning up our breakfast, doing dishes and the like. I dropped his favorite mug, it shattered!!! On its way to the bottom of the sink, I tried to save it, but instead just sliced my finger opened and it was bleeding forever! Its throbbing now and I'm trying to not use it...poor guy is tidying up the house and being so wonderful! We are going to get Lebanese food for lunch but I think that's all we are doing...I'm so glad I'm married to Will...Happy Birthday sweet love!

So I was poking around on facebook...and one of my "facebook-friends" commented on a picture of her friends picture (which allowed me to see the picture and the comment). I noticed that the picture was of Sarah Palin and being the politics freak (not Sarah Palin freak...just politics freak) that I am, I took a look...There was a little rally type thing in Carson, CA, which is about 20 minutes from where I live. I guess this person, who I don't know at all, went to this rally. She had tons of really close up pictures of Gov Palin, and I was thinking, "Wow what an awesome experience for this person." Then I got extremely disturbed!! This person had Sarah Palin autograph her Bible... I am so taken aback by this act that I cannot even articulate my feelings... I find it totally inappropriate and disturbing and even blasphemous. I don't know the person, I don't know what they thought they were achieving but I just found it kind of a reflexion of the strange attitude that a lot of Christians feel about politics...that you have to, in a sense, "worship" the republican candidate, even if most of their stances on politics are totally anti-Christ and His message...I think I'm going to sit on it for awhile and digest it...it was just very strange and gave me a bit of a sick feeling that Jesus came to this earth and gave all that He gave, for us, and people have so perverted it all...

Happy Birthday Will!!!