My friend, Sara, does a fantastic impression of Jesus. As a recovering drug addicted she wanted to do something to change the world, or at least the the world of someone. It turns out, she is chaning a lot more than one life. She became a (foster) momma December 2006 to Melody, 3 and Kimberly 7 weeks, who tested positve for drugs at birth. Their other four siblings went to live in another home (mother named Lidia). Sara, as a single momma, has been doing a fantastic job...whether it be running Meoldy to and from preschool, scheduling social worker appiontments, going to court dates, filling out mass amounts of paper work for the future adoption, keep every reciept she ever obtains, getting Kimberly ready for infant stimulation appointments...she's always a great momma. Life took quite a turn for the little family that she was creating in october. Lidia called her, stating that that she could not take Brianna's fits any more and if Sara would not take 7 year old Brianna, she was "giving her back to the system." Sara, naturally, said she would take her in. The first week was totally uneventful...Brianna was a total sweetheart and we all spoiled the pants off the little thing. The next week, I didn't hear from Sara for a few days. When we finally talked, we both was in tears. Brianna was in a psychiatric hospital on a 14 day hold...because she was trying to take her own life...at 7. She was taking Christmas decorations, breaking them and using the broken pieces to try and cut her neck. She was running outside and laying in the street scream, "Someone kill me." It was a 5 hour fit and my words cannot do the devastating situation justice. Sara got her immediately into therapy with a fantastic therapist...she is failing first grade, understandably...so she had to get her into all kinds of tutoring...psyciatrist appointments...it's completley turned their lives upside down. Brianna has her up's and down's...more down's thats for sure. Her fits are getting worse. Sara has tried everything. She had to call 911 again yesterday. Brianna was becoming violent again, threatening her little sisters, hitting, kicking and bitting Sara to the point that Sara could not control her...all because she woke up not wanting to go to school. It's getting to the point where no one knows what to do. Melody is beginning to act her because her life is in constant stress. Kimberly has a life filled with rage and anger... Brianna just rages comstantly, breaking things, ripping up books, threatening to harm her sisters and herself... So what does one do? Do you "give back" a child...throw her away again? So that in 2 years 3 "mom's" have "left" you? Or do you just endure it, raising your other two children in such an angry stressful environment, always fearing and praying that she never gets ahold of scissors, knives or is left alone with the other children? I love Brianna with my whole heart. She is loving and precious and more in touch with her emotions than any other child that I have ever met, which I think is apart of the problem. My tears just flow...every time I think of her and her poor hurting, fearful, gutted heart, at age 7, I can't do anything else but morn.
I had a conversation with my sweet Brianna today...the bold is me.
So how have things been going?
I think you know.
Well I want to hear your words.
Well Im pretty sure that my mom told you...I just get really angry. I don't know what to do.
I know. Being angry is really hard. So what happened when you got angry?
I did some really bad things. I hit and kicked my mom.
Wow you must have been really angry.
I was. I just get so angry that I want to kill someone...
You do? Who do you want to kill?
Well I don't really want to kill them...I just think about it. I wanted to kill Mark (a social worker). I told my mom that if he came over I would kill him...but I didn't mean it.
I am sorry that you get so angry. What do you think we could do to help you calm down when you are so angry.
I don't know.
You know Bri, I have known your momma for a long time.
Did you know that your momma used to be very angry too?
But she didn't do the things I did.
Yes she did.
She didn't bite anyone.
She might have.
Oh...wow...but Amber, I apologized. I am so sorry. I apologized with my whole heart.
I know sweetie.
You know, one thing I know for sure...my momma loves her daughters more than anything in the world.
You are right sweetie. What we need to do now, is figure out how to work through your anger...how you can ask your mom for help instead of trying to hurt people of yourself.
Ok...I can try...but I just get so angry...
I know honey...I am sorry...
Sara doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to tell her. Everyone is saying to "give her back" but my heart aches at the thought of how that would make that child feel. Oh Lord, please...give wisdom...in ways that only you can fathom. Raise up this child...help her to heal...show the way she is to go...my heart aches...what are we to do with this child...that you have given to all of us...Lord help us!