Photos, Politics and Power of Words

We will start off with a little photo dump...its been a long time since I have done one of these...

Sunday...my very favorite day of the week.  Church.  I wish everyday were Sunday.  I completely <3 my church...like seriously, completely!  We usually hit up Mad Mex afterward, which I love to do.  (Inset inner struggle music) BUUUT...imagine if we put that $40 a week toward something much more valuable. [Mental note:  talk to Will about this]  So here is Will and Shiloh waiting for food.  See, she doesn't care about anything other than shoving her face full of chips and guacamole, and she definitely isn't going to look up for a photo.

Mr. Cool and his mom.

Do we see this face????  Clearly, Im ANNOYING! :)

My kids = OBSESSED with this new(ish) show called Bubble Guppies.  The theme song - awful!!!  But this is what it does to them...kinda hilarious.

We aren't huge fans of meat in our house.  Let me rephrase that...anything with tendons, bones, gristle, and blood...its SUPER hard for me to eat, ok, I just can't do it...makes me hurl.  Skeeves me right out.  But we love the Quorn brand of meat substitutes.  Same taste, no gristle/blood/tendons:)  Anyhow, I found Quorn meatless crumbles and made the most delicious meatless loaf ever!!!!  Topped with Morningstar meatless bacon...it was a meat haters meatless delight :)

This was an awesomely delish Indian dish.  Brown cilantro rice, Quorn chickenless breasts simmered in a spicy Bombay curry sauce and garlic naan bread.  Yum!

If you know Will, please let me point out, he is eating a donut.  Yeah...I said donut!

Look who went and potty trained herself.  Seriously, she put underwear on BY HERSELF almost 2 weeks ago and its been ALL HER since then.  Cute as a button huh?  All 22 lbs of her.  Um...she will be 2 in like 3 weeks...WHAT???????

Its Spring...and well, winter here in Pennsylvania SUCKS, so I am THRILLED.  I finally broke out the Rainbows yesterday...it was in the 70's yesterday AND my kids got sun burnt outside.  Awesomeness.  Bring on the heat baby!!!

Thats about it in the photo department.  Since I fed you all of these photos, may I rant a moment?  Facebook annoys me to no end these days and I'm seconds away from deleting my account (again).  My news feed is so full of President criticism over the budget crisis.  First and foremost, I would like to say, it is DISGUSTING to make our service men and woman go without a paycheck.  BUT, so many of those posts are saying things like "Hey Obama, stop going on vacation and pay the military."  Really?  Sounds pretty ridiculous.  Well...perhaps, if those same posts would have not been singing President Bush's praises not so long ago and would have, instead said "Stop wasting our money on a war you all lied about to get us into and get our military OUT OF THE ILLEGAL WARS you started!!!"  I would be less annoyed.  Instead it was "Oh he is such an amazing man of God and he is so awesome and yeah, bomb the middle east, blow it up for all I care."  Seriously????  We are in this budget crisis for a reason that had NOTHING to do with our current President.  Too bad there weren't more "Please pray for our President" posts right now, because, after all, he is just as flawed as the last President, and just as flawed as all of us....

I have a very special friend who I adore and admire in every possible way.  Her husband has been deployed WAY TOO MANY times and even missed the birth of one of his sons.  I am tearing up just thinking of how special this family is to me...and...how it is ridiculous that he had to fight in a war that should have never been started.  AND that he now may not be getting paid???  Its awful...

Wouldn't it be nice if Americans were not so divided?  One side worships EVERYTHING their "people" do, no matter how disgusting and then when their "opposing team" does similar things, those same actions are just HORRIFIC!!!  Why can't we just bind together, admit our horrible wrongs and mend this broken country...

Pardon the soap box...Ive stepped down :)

Oh my mouth, it is a weapon sometimes (hence the last few paragraphs.  Im so sorry!)  I try really hard to tame my tongue.  Words are so so powerful.  They destroy and hurt and separate.  In the same breath they can heal and uplift and love.  It's been interesting for me since moving to a new place, making all new friends.  It's hard.  The friends I have in Southern California I grew up with.  I knew everything about them.  There was no questioning "Does she like me? Is she talking about me to other people?  Does she like me??"  A lot of it can go on and it is so damaging.  It cuts into what could be real, strong friendships.  I really have had to just let go of it all.  If people want to listen, they can listen.  But it really is only damaging their own lives.  It is so easy to get sucked in...SO EASY.  I have been guilty of it many many times.  But I don't want it any more.  My prayer is to take every word and thought captive and throw out the garbage, leave it, and never participate in it.  It has the power to destroy lives.  It is not a loss to lose someone who is constantly feeding people with dividing, hurtful words.  In the end, its not a friendship that I would want to, or will hold onto.  Its hurtful to be talked about.  I do not want to hurt people.  I am so thankful for the strong wonderful amazing beautiful friends that light up my life, uplift me, and care for me in ways I could never repay...

James 3 says this about the tongue...and it cuts...deep.  
1-2 Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life. 3-5A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! 5-6 It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. 7-10 This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! 10-12 My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

At the end of my life, may it be said that I was trustworthy, giving, kind and a follower of Jesus...

I Will Praise You In This Storm...

I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands. 

You are who You are, no matter where I am...

Its hard to call my little tiny rain drop sized issues a storm, but sometimes, it feels stormy.  It is hard to feel defeated at the end of the day... Being a wife, mother and child of God is pretty much all I've got going on for me right now.  When I suck at that, I pretty much suck at life.  I know, I know, its a little dramatic.  But I should be able to get through the day with a Michelle Duggar voice shouldn't I?  I mean really?  I love that woman's tone of voice...but when your one year old poops in her underwear, its hard to keep up that sweet meek talk.  Its even worse when I am ALMOST there...its bath time!!!!  And today, I blew it.  Ugh.  Solomon totally calls me out on it to... "Great job yelling mommy...."  Thanks Mr. WAY TOO SMART FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!!!!!!

I'm pretty transparent here, because it's my place to do that.  I have been clear that I have to truly fight to be strong enough to NOT listen to "the lies" ...and well sometimes I am just not that strong.  Today, I feel insecure.  Insecure in friendships, as a mother, in my marriage...just inadequate. 

This morning started off well.  It was sunny and 73 degrees.  I took these little beauties outside because, it is Pennsylvania, after all.  When the sun is out, you better run out there, as it is likely to be gone in about 7 seconds.  Just those few moments of staring at the sun gave me a lot of fuel for the rest of the day, err uhh, till bath time. ha. 

The storm came though...it got dark and gloomy and windy.  The thunder reminded me that when I couldn't see the darkness, it was still there.  On top of really just fighting off the physical effects of the weather, it really is just about making the choice...  Do I let the "rain" choke me?  Do I listen to the "thunder" and let the fear overtake me? 

The storms are going to keep rolling in.  The kids are going to be annoying, and I might yell.  I am going to see a whale when I look in the mirror sometimes.  I am going to worry that my husband doesn't understand me.  I am going to fear that I am not a good enough friend....  But where do I go?  I can let the floods wash me away.  I do sometimes.  But I also could steadfastly stand out there, hands raised, knowing that He is who is, NO MATTER where I am, who I am, what I do. 

So I finished up the evening with some hardcore batman play with Solomon...and let him know, that yelling, its not nice...and I pray that my life will show him what I need to be doing...

I will praise you in the storm...

Little Creation of Mine

My little creations...who I love more than anything in the world...

 I long to hear them say they love me.  I need to know that they will listen to me when I speak to them.  I want to know that they love to spend time with me....that they can't live without me.

But what if they didn't?  What if they, with their actions, showed that I didn't exist to them?  What if they spent weeks at a time ignoring me?  What if they never told me that they loved me?  What if, every time I told them to do something, they thought they knew better?

Right now, Solomon has been having serious separation anxiety.  When I leave the room, he becomes hysterical.  He follows me WHERE EVER I GO.  He wants to sleep beside me.  He wants to sit in the bathroom with me while I shower.  He will not stay in his class at church.  He CLINGS to me.  He sobs when I am out of his sight.  For several months now, I didn't know what to do.  Why is he so desperate for my presence?  Why does he need to be at my feet every second of the day?  How come he panics when he cannot see me? 

I have a creator...who undoubtedly loves me more than I can imagine.  I wonder how He feels when with my actions, I deny His existence.  I wonder how deeply I hurt Him when I spend weeks ignoring Him?  I wonder the pain that I inflict on my Loving God by going so long without telling Him I love him.  I wonder why he continues to pursue me when so many times, He gives me direction, but I do something completely opposite, because I think I know better.

What if I became like a child?  Like my child?  What if I became hysterical when I was not at the feet of my God?  What if I slept beside Him?  What if I didn't go anywhere outside of His presence?  What if I sobbed when I stepped out of His sight?  What if I clung to Him and panicked at the thought of being away from Him?  Shouldn't this be where I am daily? 

Truth be told, outside of His presence, I am lost.  Outside of Him, I am a broken disaster.  Outside of Him, I do not know kindness or love.  Outside of Him, it is dark and empty...but I find myself there so often...drifting.  Forgetting how much I need Him.  Forgetting that clinging to Him is my only salvation...salvation, not because of anything that I can do, but a salvation that is ONLY Him.  Saving me in my deepest darkest places.  Giving me life that, without it, I could only know death.

This truth, this life, my Great Mighty Merciful Savior has given me freely.  I am His. 

So I shout out Your name, and from the rooftops I proclaim, that I am Yours.  All that I am, I place into your loving hands, and I am Yours...

I am Yours.



**Photo Credit AmieBradyPhotography.com

Turns Out...I CAN Lean On Him...

As much as I am really way too hard on myself, I also give myself more credit that I deserve.


In the past, I haven't gone to Will when I am feeling anxious.  I haven't rested on him or allowed him to carry me when I cannot walk another step.  But lately, I have really been trying to...and you know what?  He is an awesome support.  He loves me and he really has been such a strong source of support for me.  I am so thankful to have him.
 
Yesterday I was having some serious anxiety about the day and the days to come and I just really let myself fall into him.  He just sorta took me by the hand, helped me see the truth and the reality before me and it spoke very loudly to me.  He really truely is so much more capable than I've ever given him credit for.  I am so thankful that even though I have been pushing him away and closing myself off to him for such a long time, that he will still recieve me back with such loving open arms.  He is my best friend.  There is no one in the world that could have walked beside me the way he did yesterday.  I am just beyond thankful that I have such an awesome, amazing, not to mention super hot husband.
 
**and um, it takes a pretty awesome husband to dress up like Derek and Meredith for Halloween.  see above photo :)
 

Because I Finally Let Go...

It has been a long, long road.  It has been a hard, hard road.  Most times, it has been a very lonely road.  But for the time being, it is not uphill, it is not lonely. 

Truthfully, it's humiliating to even talk about...but I know I am not alone in this, so I share, because others have shared with me.  The raw vulnerability is part of who I am.  And honestly, it takes too much energy to pretend...

I have been pressed from what felt like every side for a long time.  I didn't even realize how pressed I was until the pressure let up a little.  I was reaching out, begging, especially from Will, for help, but I don't think he understand the gravity of my situation either.  And who could expect him to, if the one who felt all the pressure, all the pain, didn't understand it either.

My sadness, my loneliness, it ran deep.  I felt like I didn't deserve to continue.  I am horrible wife, an angry mother, and a worthless fat slob.  Here I was a struggling newlywed (who had clearly seemed to skip out on the whole "honeymoon phase" because within 2 days of being married we were already threatening each other and second guessing our choices) who got pregnant 3 months after we got married, gained all kinds of weight, and then had to deal with the baby, while battling these out-of-control emotions, and while my husband was in 50 hours of school a week.  Then, with 20 lbs of baby weight still on me, I did it all again.  Here came the most difficult, impossible baby I had ever been around, a cross-country move and loneliness like I had never ever felt.  I always feel like a failure in everything I do. 

I hear this voice.  You're ruining your children.  You yelled at them again?  You don't deserve them. Look at this man you married, boy was that the wrong choice.  Can you believe he just did that?  What a jerk!  He doesn't care about you.  You are never going to lose this weight, and if you do, you'll just gain it back.  You're life is a mess...because YOU are not working hard enough.  Your dad is sick and you are so far away...why did you move here?  This was your idea.  Look at all the money you are spending on things...does it help?  Keep spending on worthless crap to find out. 
It is ALL your fault...and you deserve it.

I know this may sound completely insane, but these were just "truths" that I knew to be true.  These were just things that WERE my reality. 

And then...a light, the teeniest speck of light, shown down on my life. 

THEY. ARE. ALL. LIES.

From an enemy that seeks to destroy me. 

An enemy that will never stop trying to destroy me. 

An enemy who I do not HAVE to listen to.  

I could breathe.  This truth set a little part of my heart free. 
(I was also helped by a host of natural supplements to help with this awful depression and I have to say, I am not sure I could have received this light without them.)

I had lost myself.  I let go of the truth.  I put my hand in the face of a God who wanted me to listen, all while clinging to Him, begging for Him to speak to me.

I have a LONG way to go.  I struggle daily with my body image/weight issues.  I feel overwhelmed by this weight that needs to come off.  I want someone to shed some light on how to fix this for me.  I'm still fighting to not freak out on my kids when they act like, yah know, kids.  My husband can still annoy the crap out of me...

But...I know that God LOVES me, that He has promised to bring me home.  He has promised to lead me and hold me and restore me.  I have connected with my husband for the first time in our entire relationship and I finally KNOW that, even on our crappiest days, he is the RIGHT choice.  He is wonderful and smart and caring.  I have been taking moments with my children, laughing with them, enjoying them...for the first time in years. 

The whispers, they are still there.  But I am getting the full meaning of "taking every thought captive" and am trying to hard to hold that thought, before I let it pierce and potentially destroy my heart, and sift the truth from the lies.  The lies, are no longer welcome. 

The enemy, told me I had the power to save my life.  I was responsible for the mess that was my life.  It was me.  All me.  And I have been struggling for so long to save my own life...because after all, if I didn't who would???

Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it...  and, let me tell you, in every possible way, I was moments away from losing my life.

But whoever loses his life....will save it.

Here I was, barely treading water.  Drowning, desperate to save myself, my family, everything...

But the moment I let it go...He saved me.  He covered my ears.  He told me the truth. 

He saved me...because I finally let go...

Prepare Yourself...and Don't Look Back.

(Random pictures are just inserted so that I can prove I have these oh so big and beautiful kids!!!)

In the silence, my head spins...and spins and spins and spins.  Actually, its spinning even in the noise.

I don't really know how to put my right now into words.  A lot is going on with in (as usual) and I feel like more days than not, I don't know who I am anymore.  I keep blaming it on some type of post pardum imbalance mixed with stress, loneliness, and being in a different state than everything I've known for my entire life...plus having 2 little kids and very little to do...its a lot.  Little by little I try to sort through everything, figure out what I am missing...but the sorting continues and the piles just keep getting bigger and bigger.

Will and I, we try to "partner up" in parenting and marriage and household running, but we constantly seen to be missing each other...or taking out the stresses of life on one another.  Bickering about the stupidest crap.  I think I speak for both of us that instead of meeting in the middle to lean on one another, we are like butting heads and beating the crap (not literally haha) out of the other because it is just SUCH a stress reliever...I miss him when he is gone and I know he misses me...but the second we see eachother we just start picking on each other.  It is not a good strategy by any means!! haha.  WE have been trying to come together each night and at least have a few minutes of conversation, but its hard.  By 8 pm when he gets home, Im tired and want to go to bed...and then when he doesn't work, sometimes we just get so caught up with the kids that he and I just fade to the background...sounds like a great plan huh? ha.  We're working on it.  Its hard for me to really turn my heart inside out to him in a lot of ways...I feel like its terribly hard for him to understand struggling with depression and anxiety and the intense case of "perfection-itis" that I have.  He lets things roll off of him and holds him self at a very reasonable standard...where as I, who is clearly a little batty, have this outrageous unrealistic standards for myself and others, and its a HUGE reason why I feel to low a lot of the time.  Knowing that I can't just lower my expectations is just a whole other guilty street that I drive down daily...I hate guilt land...it sucks here.

My kids...oh my kids.  They, well, they are cute. haha.  I see so much in the world that I want to give them and teach them and then again, driving down guilty street, well, I fall so short everyday.  Recently the yelling and voice raising has apparently become my new hobby.  Its ugly.  I hate it.  And I really hate when either they look scared or scream back at me.  I was so much more calm with Solomon.  Low calm tones...now Im like a freaking hyena!!!!

The leaves are changing here.  I have a full blown panic attack here because I HATE WINTER.  At least I think I do.  Last winter was so horribly traumatic for me that I fear I wont live through another one.  But with the season change comes MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!  I actually leave in a few days to fly back to California alone and get here.  We are driving back, with my mom...and then we are moving to a bigger house. woohoo/omg I can't believe we are moving AGAIN!!!  The next few weeks are going to be a whirlwind...Im a little scared but I am soooo thankful that April is going to live here, with us...AND that we get more space in out house.

Im trying to figure out what happened to me.  I know A LOT has changed in the last 2 years.  My world has sorta been rocked.  And I know that I have been so resistant to change, because, well, it hurts sometimes.  Accepting what is is NOT fun.  And I am struggling.  Deeply.  Since I stopped nursing, I have put on some of the weight that I worked my butt off to lose and I am so angry about that.  I am not who I want to be, and I am angry about that.  I have lost sight of the person I want to be...and I think that is where the problem may lie.  Why did I lose sight?  My focus was so steady at some point...until its not.  Why does this happen?  I keep wanting to "go back to a place" where I had it...but that is WRONG.  And honestly, I am just figuring this out as I type it.  I cannot go back.  I cannot go back to living in Uganda and finding that spiritual fulfillment.  I cannot go back to having tea every night with Sophie, Adam and Moses.  I cannot go back to a time where I live in California surrounded in all my familiarness.  I cannot go back to having the body of a woman who didn't have two children (dammit!!!).  I have GOT to move forward...I HAVE TO. 

On my dads birthday (the 16th), everything really just ruptured.  It hurt so deeply that I couldn't breathe.  The news we got was just earth shattering and Im having difficulty "staying positive" as they say.  I couldn't sleep and I was up, just powering through the panic so I got on blogger and I tried...hard...to blog, but couldn't.  So I read Angie's Blog

Live Simply or Simply Live (links have been disabled, sorry)

Saturday night we went to church and we were just so glad that we went. We are doing a Sermon On The Mount (The End Of Religion) study that has been extremely heart piercing and life changing. Saturday's study was titled "Hands Free" (which was very appropriate in many ways. Here in California, since July 1st, it is now illegal to use your cell phone while driving without a hands free devise, which is pretty much the most ridiculous law I have ever heard of BUT that is another blog entirely).

He talked about about money, living simply, taking care of those around us, not being so stressed out about tomorrow and living in today, knowing that the God of all is taking care of us. Of course I cannot do it justice, even in the least. So go and listen to it here.

It got Will and I thinking about a lot. We have so much. Now, the world might see us as living off of school loans, just being able to pay our bills most months, living in my mom's guest house, BUT WOW, we have SO much! Todd (one of the pastors at Rock Harbor) read an email about a really young couple who decided that they wanted to live on only 50-60% of their income, and find ways to give the rest away. It was really a challenging thing to think about, much less to even consider. How many of us could do that? Well, all of us really. It requires an immeasurable sacrifice, or so it seems from a normal middle class American. We are in the upper 5% of the richest people in the world. How's that for sobering...I really implore you to take 40 minutes and listen to this service. (and if you are one of those over-achievers, start fromt he beginning)

My life was completely changed after my first visit to Uganda in 1999. Flying over the continent of Africa in itself was just about the MOST sobering thing that I thought could ever happen to me...until the plane landed. I road in the back of a cattle lorrie for two and half hours atop my luggage and saw things I never imagined were real. I saw little children running, jumping, yelling "hello muzungu" (foreigner) just because they saw me. I remember seeing a little boy about 7 with his little baby brother/sister strapped to his back, no adult in sight for miles, carrying a heavy jerrycan full of water up a pretty steep incline on Bombo Road. I was 17 years old and I was really scared and lonely and I cried my self to sleep for about 6 nights. But then... I fell in love. I got out of myself, I got out of my brainwashed American mind, and I fell in love. I fell in love with simplicity, with joy in spite of pain, with tender souls who had been through/seen things that you and I can only imagine. Yet, despite it all, they had a joy, a light shining from within that I had never in my life seen before...and I wanted more...

I returned to Uganda in 2001 where I stayed from March until September. I assisted a nurse in the on site clinic at the orphanage that I worked with. I taught math for a primary 4 class at the school on site. It was a tremendous experience. I made life long friends. I felt God closer than I have ever felt Him before. I experienced things that, in a lifetime, I cannot adequately express to anyone. I truly thought I would go there and just really, you know, "help" people...ha...what do I have to give? I was given more that I have ever even understood...and I will never ever forget my time there. My life was simple. No electricity, no running water, no entertaining outside of little ones, and friends I had made there. We'd play cards, have tea and talk, go for a walk or a bike ride, and that was about it in ways of entertaining ourselves. Simplicity... It allowed for genuine relationships, with friends, with children, with God. Simplicity... I came home, not wearing make up, not buying all kinds of unnecessary things, just, being simple... and then I slowly forgot all about it...

I went back a third time, where I also got to visit the war torn and slowly recovering Rwanda. I got to visit Sudanese refugee camps, and again, I was back in my Uganda. My heart skipped several beats as the plane landed. I stepped out on the stair case pushed up to the plane, I tipped my face toward the sun, tears streaming down my cheeks and I breathed in a breath of that Ugandan air that I had ached for for over a year... "Oh Uganda", I swore to myself, "I will never forget your simple beauty, this time, I will truly take you home with me, forever..."

(please stay with me...there is a point)

Today, I cleaned out (for about the forth time this year) Solomon's toys. I weeded through all the madness. Will and I always promised (before we had ever had children...I was pregnant) that Solomon would have one medium sized basket of toys...and if it didn't fit inside the basket, we didn't need it...well that didn't happen. I filled up another huge garbage bag of things that he has acquired over the last month or two since I last did this...just of things that he doesn't need. Oh gosh... I cried. I just got so sad. We have so much, too much, Solomon probably has 30 shirts...WHY? Why do I have that many shirts? Why do I have so many pairs of shoes?

I forgot you, Uganda...I forgot you, simplicity. I forgot all about you. In wanting to give my husband and my son "the life" I forgot all about the true and lasting joy that IS simplicity. I lost sight of what is most important...

I have a friend, Sennyonjo, and his wife and three little sons, who work to care for orphans. Sennyonjo, an orphan himself, watched his family be killed by rebels in the genocide of the 90's. He has three kids who probably have very few toys. I have a friend April who is Canadian. Her and her husband live in Uganda ministering to broken people. They have three little ones, who do not have a lot. I know many people like this. Happy children, happy people, living with very little. I talked to April today via email and she said they would be SO happy to receive some DVD's for her and her husband, and the kids, and toys or whatever fun treats we wanted to send their way. I am going to do a good bit of this...hoping that I can cut our family's belongings in half, while giving to people around us who need it.

The city of Lira is in Uganda...kind of northern/central-ish. A new city official was elected not too long ago. He had this great vision for this desolate, abandoned, broken, war torn village...so, yes, he had this huge vision for this place. In three years...he wanted every person to...are you ready...?

To own 2 shirts...

How do I go about my day, living in this sad, over consuming world? In my heart, I would sell everything I have, cars, clothes, everything...to take my family and go back to Uganda... Unfortunately, that isn't where God has us, as a family, now. My ministry is my husband, my son, the people around me, here, now.

I am working hard at being content here. But because of this entire study I am learning how to live out what is in my heart, even if buried deep down, here, now, with what I have been given.

Our new goals, as a family, is to really get ride of many many many things. We want to start giving ourselves away more. We want to do more for the people in our lives who need things more than we do. It's a start...and tiny tiny tiny start...but it is a start...to living simply.

I Have So Much To Say

but I can only say this.

Shiloh has weaned.  I am sad.  I am, like with Solomon, not ready.  Just another bruise on my pretty battered heart...
 :(