Sunday, April 3, 2011

Little Creation of Mine

My little creations...who I love more than anything in the world...

 I long to hear them say they love me.  I need to know that they will listen to me when I speak to them.  I want to know that they love to spend time with me....that they can't live without me.

But what if they didn't?  What if they, with their actions, showed that I didn't exist to them?  What if they spent weeks at a time ignoring me?  What if they never told me that they loved me?  What if, every time I told them to do something, they thought they knew better?

Right now, Solomon has been having serious separation anxiety.  When I leave the room, he becomes hysterical.  He follows me WHERE EVER I GO.  He wants to sleep beside me.  He wants to sit in the bathroom with me while I shower.  He will not stay in his class at church.  He CLINGS to me.  He sobs when I am out of his sight.  For several months now, I didn't know what to do.  Why is he so desperate for my presence?  Why does he need to be at my feet every second of the day?  How come he panics when he cannot see me? 

I have a creator...who undoubtedly loves me more than I can imagine.  I wonder how He feels when with my actions, I deny His existence.  I wonder how deeply I hurt Him when I spend weeks ignoring Him?  I wonder the pain that I inflict on my Loving God by going so long without telling Him I love him.  I wonder why he continues to pursue me when so many times, He gives me direction, but I do something completely opposite, because I think I know better.

What if I became like a child?  Like my child?  What if I became hysterical when I was not at the feet of my God?  What if I slept beside Him?  What if I didn't go anywhere outside of His presence?  What if I sobbed when I stepped out of His sight?  What if I clung to Him and panicked at the thought of being away from Him?  Shouldn't this be where I am daily? 

Truth be told, outside of His presence, I am lost.  Outside of Him, I am a broken disaster.  Outside of Him, I do not know kindness or love.  Outside of Him, it is dark and empty...but I find myself there so often...drifting.  Forgetting how much I need Him.  Forgetting that clinging to Him is my only salvation...salvation, not because of anything that I can do, but a salvation that is ONLY Him.  Saving me in my deepest darkest places.  Giving me life that, without it, I could only know death.

This truth, this life, my Great Mighty Merciful Savior has given me freely.  I am His. 

So I shout out Your name, and from the rooftops I proclaim, that I am Yours.  All that I am, I place into your loving hands, and I am Yours...

I am Yours.

**Photo Credit


miracles said...

Wow!!! What an insight. xx

Eileen Francabandera said...

You're babies are getting so big! Love your post. We're going to the Jesus Culture Concert in May. Can't wait! I

Jeana said...