Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Captive Moments

Lately...God has been sending me a reoccuring message...
"Take every moment captive..." And yah know, I feel like I keep ignoring Him. Not ignoring Him really, just putting His request on the back burner. I love my babies...with everything I have, but my days get really stressful and I get lonely or have feeling that I don't feel like dealing with...or whatever...and I find myself using things to numb me...the computer, tv, texting...

I hate it!

I hate it!

I hate it!

I keep telling Will that I desperately want to get rid of the TV...or at least actually stick to the 1 hour rule...he will do neither...How can I complain though? Solomon wakes up at like 6 am (sometimes even earlier) and Will lets me sleep in...until he has to leave for work, which is 830, three days out of the week. I know he has to get up with him and that he is SUPER tired...but really, does the TV have to be on the ENTIRE morning???? Its REALLY annoys me. We talk about it and we both say...yes lets kick TV out...but it doesn't happen...ugh...

Facebook...seriously? I hate it...Corin said it best...I want to eat ice cream without feeling like I need to do a status up date "Amber is eating ice cream" ugh...what kinda of screwed up world do we live in??? haha

Texting is my life line sometimes...when Im having a rough day, it is all I can do to keep in touch with the "outside world." WE only have one car right now so when Will is at work...Im trapped...and I shouldn't look at it that way...but sometimes, I do...I want all of these distractions GONE!!! I am thinking about ditching my cell phone and getting a land line...I dont know...

I want to enjoy every single second of my sweet babies...they are growing SOOO fast...and how much time have I wasted on these numbing sources??? A LOT!!! It makes me sad...and I feel guilty...so guilty. They are such wonderful beings and I do not want to miss another moment of their sweet lives. I don't know how to start this process...but it is looming...

This blog is going private...I have kept it public for a long time now...and yah know...I was questioning why. I love knowing people are reading my blog...isnt that weird? Like I need some strangers comments on here to make me feel like "somebody"???? How silly...that kind of motivation is not worth exposing my children, my family, my hearts intimate moments...I feel good about this decision...its a start...

...until I can convince Will to can the TV...I have convinced him to use cloth TP...ooops...did I let that slip... ;)

No more facebook status updates...it was consuming too much of my mind...like while cooking dinner I would have to take a photo to post to update??? shesh...yeah...no more...I can't bring myself to delete it just yet (if ever) because it is a way that I share my photos and things with my family (being that they live across the country) but perhaps, I can find a better way...and cross another distraction out of my life...

I need to reignite this passion within me that I have been burying under a lot of nonsense...I need to sift the bulk and bask in simplicity...Im ready to do this...ready to light a fire...

2 comments:

Eli's Lids said...

Amen sister!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, LOL I came backt to the computer and someone (Cora) put a bunch of commas!
Technology is a real time waster! I would encourage you to fast from it for certain periods of time. It really helps to get perspective. Through our marriage we have fasted from TV for month long periods. (we would still watch DVDs but we felt that mindless TV was just sucking our evenings away from us) Now we don't have TV or cable just DVDs.
I still fast from the blog or facebook.
I hate FB too.
I'm praying for you!!

Corin said...

Amber, I love you for your honesty. You say so many hard things that most would never let slip from their mouths.

I so feel what you are going through! I know exactly what you mean.

I've started to realize that so much of our "technology addiction" stems from a need to me "needed" and be like you said, "somebody" to anybody really. But what I realized is that it's a false sense of fulfillment. So much of it. And in the end, we're left empty, and feel guilty for neglecting the REAL things in life.

I'm totally in the same boat as you right now. So much of all this nonsense is getting ditched! Already the little things I've done have made SUCH a huge difference in my and my kids and husband's lives...the blog going private, deleteing my FB, I know you said you weren't ready for that, but trust me, it feels sooooooo good! Like freedom.

Anyway, I stand by you in your quest to "re-center". We're the on the same path girl!