Friday, March 20, 2009

Nautral News.

I was email this by a friend...and its pretty stinking hilarious...in a very sick way.

(NaturalNews)
If you talk to many people about health, medications, toxic chemicals and food, you'll quickly come to realize that most people have very little knowledge of reality in these areas. And yet, ignorance is often bliss because these people can just wolf down a cheeseburger, get vaccine shots, drink fluoridated water and take all sorts of toxic chemical medications without even a hint of concern (that is, until a few years later when all the toxic build-up starts to kill them).So as a public service to those individuals who might want to rid their minds of any knowledge of true health and live their lives as members of the ignorant masses (a la being "plugged back into the Matrix"), I've put together a mind wiping recipe that you can freely use to join the ranks of all the doctors, journalists, politicians and consumers who think there's nothing wrong with exposing yourself to an unlimited number of toxic chemicals from multiple sources.Just follow these simple directions and your mind will be wiped clean in no time:

Step 1:Stand in front of a mirror, with your hands placed calmly at your side.

Step 2:Look into the reflection and focus on your own eyes. Take three deep breaths to eliminate any tension.

Step 3:Repeat the following mantras three times each:

"America has the best health care in the world."

"The FDA is my friend."

"Synthetic chemicals are good for me."

"Pharmaceuticals are priced in a fair way that helps drug companies afford to find new cures."

"Food comes from factories, not dirt."

"Food and drug corporations are looking out for my best interests."

"Vaccines protect me from evil germs."

"Fluoride is good for me."

"If we all would just buy more products that donate money to the Susan G. Komen pink ribbon cancer research fund, a cure for cancer would be readily found. (The only reason cancer hasn't been cured yet is because not enough people go shopping.)"

"The more pharmaceuticals I take, the healthier I will get."

"The human body only needs calories, not nutrition, to survive."

"My genes are faulty and I was born deficient in patented chemicals. These chemical imbalances must be corrected through pharmaceutical intervention."

"The sun is my enemy. I must fear it at all times."

"Dead, cooked foods are nutritional equivalent to live foods."

"There is no such thing as a dangerous ingredient in personal care products. If chemicals were dangerous, the FDA would never allow them to be used."

"My purpose in life is to conform to the wishes of authority figures."

"The planet is able to absorb an unlimited amount of pollution from human activity. There is no cause for concern."

"Global warming is a hoax. Human activity has no effect on the climate."

"Man has conquered nature. We no longer need to concern ourselves with learning from or protecting nature. Whatever we need can be invented in a lab."

"The way to prosperity requires the use of genetically-modified foods and patented seed technologies controlled by caring, compassionate corporations like Monsanto."

"Pregnancy is a disease requiring immediate medical intervention. Childbirth is an unnatural and traumatic experience necessitating urgent hospital care."

"Drug ads are a good source of information about health."

"Doctors are well informed about how to stay healthy."

"Medical schools teach doctors how to care for fellow human beings."

"Medical journals print only reliable, scientifically-validated information that can be counted on to be true. It's peer-reviewed, after all."

"Any surgery suggested by a surgeon must be medically necessary; otherwise he would not have suggested it."

"The foods I choose to eat have no effect whatsoever on my health outcome. Sickness or health is determined solely by luck or genes."

Step 4:Repeat these mantra until you have convinced yourself they are absolutely true. You now qualify to be a conventional doctor or a medical journal editor.

Step 5:Now that your mind is wiped clean, turn on the television and refill the empty spaces in your brain with TV programming. Pay special attention to the commercials, which will provide valuable information that you can really trust!

Those are the five simple steps. You are now ready to rejoin mainstream society where you can eat meals with your family without any hesitation about what's actually in the food. You can now shop for cosmetics at Wal-Mart, or eat beef jerky purchased at a Quick-Mart. You can eat cheeseburgers and milkshakes. No more worries!

Plug yourself back into the Matrix, and live out the rest of your life in a comfortable state of ignorant bliss. You will find lots of support from family and friends, by the way, who will greatly enjoy watching you become just as obese and diseased as they are!

By the way, after you've wiped your mind clean, don't forget to register to vote!

1 comment:

Corin said...

Oh this is GREAT. Soooooo true!