Spill The Beans

Lately I have had so many things on my mind. I type out (in my head) entire blogs, that are brilliant, I might add, while I'm desperately trying to sleep.

Sometimes my mom really cares about what other people think of her. Here's the catch. She doesn't care if people think she is poor. In fact, she wallows in the pity. A good example? Here's one. She told a huge sob story to my little brother Aaron's friends mom...said they had no money for school supplies and school clothes (the truth of the matter was my dad, had taken him out the week before and bought him TONS of new things...Aaron was completely prepared for school) and she didn't know how she was going to make ends meet. Imagine the horror on 15 year old Aaron's face when said friends mother tells his friend, and his friend gives him $100 of his hard earned cash to purchase the supposed needed items!!! He was livid and was going to give it back...my mom said he couldn't give it back and that he needed to give her the money. Thank goodness he didn't listen though...wow... My point in all this is that I try to find a balance. I do NOT like to tell people about financial struggles but I also don't want to be consumed with what others think. So I have a story, but the reason I tell it is to boast of God's mercy and grace in the life of my little family...

We have been doing a Sermon On The Mount Study at church. It has been really challenging and has moved Will and I to do some things we normal do not do. One of the things that really spoke to us us eliminating lots of our stuff, and giving money away until it was physically painful. We did a lot of that. We knew it was enough when we would have trembling hands and a sick feeling in the pit of our stomach...it hurt! Now I know I have shared that Will is a full time Chiropractic student and we live primarily off of the living expenses part of his school loans. He works part time (aside from the FULL TIME internship he has which pays a whopping $0.00 per hour) and I nanny very occasionally and try to sell things online. When we heard that giving ourselves away was going to be hard and life changing, we didn't understand that to the fullest capacity. We were getting the next loan check on September 2nd. We gave where we felt called, as much as we could...and then we found ourselves with $15 in our savings account and just a matter of time before the last check cleared and our checking account was overdrawn. I was crying. I was so stressed. I didn't know how to suppress my fear. It was a matter of a week but all signs were pointing to us really being in a major hole! So...what now. Will and I had been eating canned soup while Solomon enjoyed noodles with pizza sauce on them and oatmeal for a few weeks now. The fridge, cupboards and freezer and empty. I just felt ill. I called will on August 28th crying hysterically. "We have no money, no food, I have nothing to give Solomon for a snack!!! I can't take this anymore!!" He said, "Calm down. We will be ok...it's not even a week away and then I get my check." I sobbed...no consolation there. August 29th, we get an envelope from Will's mom with his new car registration, insurance proof and the title to his car (it's still registered in PA so she takes car of all that for us)...and a check! Wow...ok...that covered the last check that could clear any day. My sister gets home from work and writes me an early check for her phone bill (she is on my plan)...ok...we can make it to Tuesday. Friends, I cannot tell you how I have fretted this month...the tears I have shed. I had no thought in my head that God would actually provide... Can you imagine? He clothes the lilies, cares for the sparrows, and I cannot even THINK that because Will and I tried to obey what we felt God calling us to do, that God would in turn provide for us...wow. This is where my heart is? It was shocking....shocking. God is so much more than I ever even think He will be. I want to remember this in December if/when we are in this same place...but how? I have never been homeless. I have never been starving. My child hasn't cried himself to sleep in hunger. And somehow, I am arrogant enough to think and I am the one he will let go unnoticed. Oh God, let me remember your faithfulness. Let me trust you...fully.

So much is going on right now, what with the election that is coming up. Things are really on edge for me. I feel very passionate about my convictions, and while it is sad to say, I do not think there will ever be the perfect candidate for me to vote for, there is one this year that FAR out weighs the other. My ideal choice initially on the Republican side was Ron Paul. We still disagreed on a few things but he was a good choice. Obviously, he is no longer a choice for me. But I have made my decision, even more so now that he chose as awesome VP. What I can't understand is why people hate Sen. Obama so much. I watched the open forum at Saddelback church last week. Rick Warren interviewed Sen Obama and Sen McCain and I was just so pleased with what Sen Obama said. He is passionate about his relationship with Christ. He is passionate about caring for "the least of these." He is passionate about getting our country closer to the values it was founded on. He wants to secure our place in the world and try to calm some of the flames that have currently been fanned and fanned again by our current administration. I am elated that he takes no money from lobbyists. (Note: John McCain takes money from lobbyists, namely the AMA, who is the biggest contributor to abortions that there is). The only place that I really disagree with him is on abortion. I wish he were anti-abortion. But even the "anti-abortion" candidate is taking money to vote with/for/however the AMA (thanks to all that campaign money), which thrives because of abortion, so in that area, its a lose lose situation. Why do people hate Sen Obama SO much? I have heard so many people talk about watching Michelle Obama's speech at the DNC (which was AWESOME) , "I hate that woman...I just HATE her!!! I don't trust a word she says." Why I wonder? I cannot figure out why. Michelle Obama comes from a working class family, she is educated, well spoken, and beautiful...maybe that's why she is hated. Barack Obama is kind, he is not quick to anger, he rallies for the "lowly" and he has a plan to get this country out of the crapper. Is that why they hate him? My mom thinks he is evil, inexperienced (cue my chiming in with Sarah Palin having NO resume whatsoever. She has passed one bill as Governor of Alaska for off shore drilling, and her husband works for an oil company...oh and she is anti-abortion...thats her resume) for all I know she probably still thinks he's a Muslim, you know...because of his name...(Barack, an old testament name, he assisted Deborah in delivering the Israelites). But here's the thing...why don't people just DISAGREE with him. Why don't they just disagree with his politics? Why don't they disagree with his proposals...Why hate him? I just do not understand this. Jen and I were talking about how people literally say hurtful mean things if we suggest we are voting for him, which I am? They are acting like John McCain is their dad or something. I disagree with a lot of things that John McCain is for. But I don't hate him. I don't like the things he stands for. But I do not hate him. I just line up what he is for, the money he takes, the stabs he makes at people, the names he calls him wife, the life he is living in the public up, with what I believe spiritually. But my goodness, I don't hate him. I would have never imagined the backlash of a voting choice. Friends send me childish messages like "EWWWW sick!!!" and "You can't be serious" and just really strange things like that. I am responsible for my actions and I am doing what I feel is right...so how is this anyone elses business. I would just never go and seek someone out to tell them how "gross" I thought their choices were...but more than that, why all the hatred? Why? My only guess is this. I was raised in a church that kind of taught that difference was bad and something to look down upon...hate the poor people, hate the non Christians, hate the Mormons or Jehovah's witnesses (slam the door in their faces), hate the democrats, just hate difference... I am thankful that I sought the Scriptures independently, so find that the Jesus who was taught to me is not Jesus at all. The verse that says "I have not come to bring peace, but the sword" (which no, is not to prove that Jesus loves war...research the meaning). And is followed by Jesus continuing to tell people that mothers will hate their child and brothers will hate their sisters, because his message is not loved by the masses, or more specifically by the religious people... So perhaps that is the reason for all the hatred...its the only thing I can think of.

Next on the agenda...

I have been having so much mommy guilt. It is eating me alive. My patience has been non existent lately. I have been doing things that I never thought I would do as a mother. It's interesting what a humbling experience motherhood is. No matter how good you think you will be at it, no matter how many times you think you will not hurt your kids the way your mom hurt you...you are just so wrong. I'm praying that God helps me truly understand that I can tap into His compassion and love and when I completely fail, He is there, just like I am for Solomon, wanting His best for me and ready to move forward.

A bragging moment. We went to a gathering a few weeks ago. There were boys that were at least six months older than Solomon. They were hitting and kicking and shoving and full on punching each other in the face. Solomon, he didn't raise a finger! There were mom's that were hauling off and whacking their kids (for whacking other kids I might add...this one confuses me thoroughly!) and they would just cry their little eyes out, and there goes my little guy...he walks right up to them and hunches down a bit (as if he weren't the same height) and says, "Are you ok?" It was a little traumatic for him. He went home talking about the "mommies hitting". But Will and I were so proud of him. So much of that little boy is just his sweet soul and spirit, which we cannot take credit for. He is just such a gem and is truly caring for other people...it was a wonderful thing to experience.

I must add this...tonight, my sweet sweet Solomon, who always disses me for other people, made my night. My mom asked me tonight if she could put Solomon to sleep. First I said no, simply because he is a routine kinda' kid and it never works but then I felt guilty (Im a guilt-a-holic) so I said she could. Well I made his little bottle and my mom took it and Solomon starts repeating very adamantly, "NOOOO, momma feed bottle, momma rock!!!" SCORE!!! She finally gave up because he didn't want her to touch him!! Which is totally not typical. He doesnt see her a ton so he LOVES time with her!!

There are a few other things that I want to share but can't at the moment...soon to come :)

JenBeasley.com

She is a friend, yes, but is SO talented... We went to the block in Anaheim (the most fascinating part to me is that we just went to hang out and jen Jamba Juice and THIS is the product of such a easy peasey day) last week and took some "2 years photos." While I know my son is completely adorable, these pictures are loaded with talent!! Jen is so talented, her pricing is completely reasonable, and I get commision on every person who tells her I sent them...haha...(totally kidding of course!!!!) Enjoy...and check out her website at JenBeasley.com

Just Not For Me

I have made a personal decesion, and then talked it over with Will, who agreed, that for us, pets just wont play a role in our household, until the poor of this world are treated better than them.

Does that make sense? I watch my mom pine over her animals, which is fine, but it makes my heart sad. She bathes them, feeds them everyday, gives them clean water, brushes their teeth, uses a blow dryer on them (I couldn't make this stuff up!) buys them rugs, washes their (disgusting) blankets (she swears we live in bismark, ND and NOT sunny southern CA) and I think of people, living near and far, going without all of that...and I mean ALL of it...how can I rationalize bringing some sort of dog or cat in my house, when there are children that need families, homeless that need rooms to stay in, hungry people that need a meal, "the least of these" who need whatever we can offer...

I know it would really make Solomon's sweet loving heart skip a beat to have a puppy or a kitten, but I want him to really want to care for people in a way that most kids don't know how to. My hearts desire is to get to a place in my own heart, where I can have this attitude all the time, so that Solomon knows...just knows, that our job is to care for people, to impart love, peace, and mercy upon the lives of others, just like Jesus...thats what I want for my family...with my whole heart.

**NOTE: this is not a judgement on anyone with pets, or anyone who disagrees, it's just a personal conviction :)

I Am Not Ashamed

Ok...maybe I am a little (click to see why!!!).. But I am still SUPER excited!!!!

Innocent Voices

This movie is incredible. I highly recommend it. It is about the horrible civil war in El Salvador that took place in the 80's. It was SO powerful! Get it, watch it, let me know what you think...its awesome!

A Day With Us

I have wanted to do this every since I started following Slightly Crunchy's Blog. I LOVE when she does her "Day In The Life" Posts...and now...I copy her...

Solomon, my sweet little monkey, woke up late today, 7:30. We ate oatmeal, watched Curious George, had some Bible reading time (I read mine while he looks through his Bible, a few bible-ish books, and does pretty much whatever else he wants to haha) and then we were off.

We were going to drive to Heritage Park and then walk to the library. Unfortunately it was only 9:30am and the librabry doesn't open until 10...I didn't know. Trader Joes was only about a mile or so away so we walked there to get a few things.

To our surprise,

It was a huge crain moving lots of iron beams for an even larger building, despite how little it looks in the picture.

We also got to see this awesome spider web, loaded with eggs.


On our way back to the Library, there are scattered fountains with, to our surprise, turtles in them. We did some turtle feeding. Solomon was thrilled!





We dropped off the DVD we needed to return and we were off to play at the park, finally.

The park looks like this.

These mini house are all over an island and inside there are tiny stairways, slides and all kids of fun stuff for the kids to play on. Solomon loves it because it houses just his size, designed exactly how, Im sure, he wishes all house should be designed.




Solomon really loved the big ship...that he was trying to jump out of! Stinker.






It was time to go...we were hungry.


Solomon watched this...


While I put these away. Check out that thing of blueberries!


Hypnotized while eating...


Before


After



I ran the child ragged today...these items were exactly what I needed to get...


This result!


And then we rocked for a few mintues...and he was off to sleep in his crib...night night baby.


Time for Momma to eat some lunch. Yummy Trader Joes Organic Vegan Chili...Im telling you...this is awesome!


Since I am totally not a pro at this...I FORGOT that I was documenting my day in this way. So words shall be enough...

He took a random short nap...hour and a half! Boo Hiss!!! We decided to visit a very old friend, Charlene and swim for a bit. It was great to visit with her.

We came home and I layed Solomon down again at like 5:30, partly for his sanity, mostly for mine. He was just an emotional mess and he wanted some alone time. I layed on the couch and just rested because I was feeling really weak and tired and getting a pretty yucky headache. (I have sleep anxiety that sometimes keeps me from falling back so sleep once woken by some two year old that I know) My wonderful husband came home to take care of make, make dinner for Solomon and put him to bed....and the best part is he let me go to sleep at 8:30!!!! I knew I picked a good one! :)