Most Dangerous States...pretty interesting...never would have guessed.
No. 1: Nevada
For the sixth consecutive year, Nevada tops the rankings as the nation's Most Dangerous State.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 8
Burglary: 8
Murder: 6
Motor Vehicle Theft: 1
Rape: 7
Robbery: 1
No. 2: Louisiana
In 2007, Louisiana was only the 10th most dangerous state. In 2008, it climbed to No. 2 and this year it stays there. It has the highest murder rate of any state.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 2
Burglary: 3
Murder: 1
Motor Vehicle Theft: 17
Rape: 24
Robbery: 18
No. 3: South Carolina
Whatever happened to Southern hospitality? Sunny South Carolina is charged with the highest assault problem in the Most Dangerous States list Rankings in Crime (out of 50)
Assault: 1
Burglary: 4
Murder: 5
Motor Vehicle Theft: 14
Rape: 10
Robbery: 17
No. 4: New Mexico
New Mexico's coiffed tourist image of open desert spaces, Earth-conscious living and colorful hot-air balloons belie a serious crime problem in this border state.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 5
Burglary: 9
Murder: 4
Motor Vehicle Theft: 7
Rape: 2
Robbery: 22
No. 5: Florida
Oh, Florida! While you were the 9th most dangerous state last year, you jumped all the way to the 5th most dangerous for 2009.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 6
Burglary: 6
Murder: 12
Motor Vehicle Theft: 11
Rape: 20
Robbery: 3
No. 6: Tennessee (Nice Hannah..and you are going to raise kids there???? ;))
Tennessee residents might sing about love for country and neighbor, but lag behind in showing it. The state earns the No. 3 slot for most assaults.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 3
Burglary: 5
Murder: 15
Motor Vehicle Theft: 18
Rape: 17
Robbery:8
No. 7: Alaska (not surprised, cough palin cough ;))
Alaska is plagued with having the highest number of rape cases. There could be a correlation with alcohol abuse, also known to plague the state.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 4
Burglary: 34
Murder: 15
Motor Vehicle Theft: 16
Rape: 1
Robbery: 34
No. 8: Arizona
Things are looking brighter in Arizona! Last year it made the top five most dangerous states, now it's down a few notches at No. 8.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 19
Burglary: 14
Murder: 8
Motor Vehicle Theft: 2
Rape: 32
Robbery: 14
No. 9: Maryland
Hugging the nation's high-crime capital, struggling to revitalize Baltimore and growing its gambling industry, Maryland has the second-highest murder and robbery rate.
Rankings in Crime (out of 50 states)(1 = Worst, 50 = Best)
Assault: 9
Burglary: 23
Murder: 2
Motor Vehicle Theft: 6
Rape: 45
Robbery: 2
Showing posts with label World Chaos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label World Chaos. Show all posts
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Victimhood and Perspective
A lot has been weighing heavy on my lately...in fact, Im sure that I will not get through this blog without weeping.
I will be the first to admit that I very often put myself in a role of the "victim." My mom is wicked, my husband doesn't stick up for me all the times that I think he should, I have to do without so much, Solomon is extremely active and wears me out and I never get breaks...blah blah blah... Even on this blog, which I use as an outlet of emotional expression at times, it must get a little annoying to read about how "woe is me" I am always feeling. There are people in my life who have this same problem, and I find myself wanting to completely bow out gracefully because I just cannot take it when it seems someones identity is solely a big ol' victim. The truth of the matter is this...everyone has "hard lives" ...but do I? Do we? Bad mom blah blah blah...get over it...move on. Love her despite herself. Build the relationship that you CAN have instead of pinning over what you may never have...because there is a good chance that we may all find ourselves in similar situations in the future...and I know that if I hurt my son, I don't want to be hated...I want to be loved, forgiven, and I need to offer that same thing to my own mother.
Do we have it rough? Of course some people do...but perspective...wow, has that been hitting me hard lately. As people (especially from the West) I think we find ourselves being a little egocentric. There aren't many people who take into account the lives of others, especially those around the world. Sitting and wallowing, as I often do, can be sobered up right quick if you allow yourself to start thinking of others...allow me to give some examples of people in my own life.
When I first visited Uganda in 1999, my dearest (British) friend, Sophie, a nurse, was taking me for a tour in one of the local hospitals. Kiwoko Hopspital is actually a really nice facility considering it's in the middle of the bush. As we wandered around we started hearing the cry of what was obviously a very small baby. We followed her cry and I gasped when we found her. She was in a room, alone, on a woven mat laid on the concrete floor. She was covered from head to toe in bandages that were covered in yellow puss and slime. She was a burn victim, alone, in pain, infected, with no one to comfort and hold her. She couldn't have been more than 3-4 months old. Who knows how long she had be laying there alone and crying. Who knows if anyone would ever come for her. I wept there on my knees. I felt ill and had to go outside to breathe. This was the worst thing I had ever seen....but for this little baby, it was just reality...
Perspective.
I little boy I know, who in 1999, was 8 years old and blind in one eye. He fell several stories out of a mango tree and a branch pierced through his eye and destroyed his optic nerve. He was walking me home one night, holding my hand and I said, "Muyango, are you ever angry at God for Him allowing you to fall and lose your eye site?" His answer just about caused me to faint... "No Auntie Amber. I actually feel that God loves me more than I ever knew...I could have died, but instead, God saved my life and only took away the eye site of one eye." Eight years old folks...
Perspective.
When I lived in Uganda in 2001, I was visiting someone in the hospital and next to me in the childrens ward was a teeny tiny baby girl. Her caretaker was with her. I asked how she was and why she was there... While her mother had been working in the garden, someone had come into her home and raped her 6 month old baby girl. They didn't know if she would live or not.
Perspective.
My friend, Sennyonjo, watched his family murdered by rebel soldiers. Sisters raped and killed. Brother and father stabbed with a machete right before his young 9 year old eyes.
Perspective.
Adrienne, who lost 5 babies to miscarriages, just endured a failed adoption. I've wept for her because I cannot imagine how terrible that feels. It's such a sad story and it really breaks my heart just to think about it.
Perspective.
My lifelong friend, Charlene, after trying to get pregnant for so long, lost the baby and almost died due to a tubal pregnancy...and then not long after lost her mother suddenly.
Perspective.
My sweet, precious friend Abby, on the night before thanksgiving was told that her 6 month old nephew, Noah, had died in his sleep. His mommy, Rebecca, had laid him down for a nap and checked on him periodically...the last time she checked on him he was face down and blue. The paramedics came and tried to revive him but could not. What was it like for her to find her baby in his crib, lifeless, gone, never to cry, smile, laugh again? What was it like to see the paramedics trying to revive him, thinking "of course they will be able to" only to see them fail? What does it feel like every night to know that when you wake up, he still wont be there. How do you explain to their toddler, Emma, that her little brother is gone? How does his daddy, Richard, live everyday without his little baby boy? How did Rebecca watch Noah be taken away to know that he would never be coming back? This is a family that is so close and loving and sensitive and wonderful and I have cried everyday since finding this horrible news out on Wednesday in tears, praying and finding little to no consolation.
Perspective.
Even though I never got to meet Noah, my heart has been broken in a way I had never imagined by this loss. It has broken me and sobered me and put life into perspective for me. It put me into a spiral...thinking of all those JUST in my life who have actual tragedies. Having a mother who makes mistakes and fails me a lot, is NOT a tragedy. Its something to just get over, and move on from. It made me confident that no matter what goes on in most of our lives, we can always find someone who has it much harder. God is my refuge and my strength and in ALL things He is in control. Its really hard to believe when peoples children are being taken from them, and little babies are getting raped and children are starving to death and seeing their parents murdered...why does all of this happen? I can't understand it but I am trying my hardest to pull myself out of all pity parties and put things into perspective...
Life has changed for me...let me never forget it.
Perspective...whats yours?
I will be the first to admit that I very often put myself in a role of the "victim." My mom is wicked, my husband doesn't stick up for me all the times that I think he should, I have to do without so much, Solomon is extremely active and wears me out and I never get breaks...blah blah blah... Even on this blog, which I use as an outlet of emotional expression at times, it must get a little annoying to read about how "woe is me" I am always feeling. There are people in my life who have this same problem, and I find myself wanting to completely bow out gracefully because I just cannot take it when it seems someones identity is solely a big ol' victim. The truth of the matter is this...everyone has "hard lives" ...but do I? Do we? Bad mom blah blah blah...get over it...move on. Love her despite herself. Build the relationship that you CAN have instead of pinning over what you may never have...because there is a good chance that we may all find ourselves in similar situations in the future...and I know that if I hurt my son, I don't want to be hated...I want to be loved, forgiven, and I need to offer that same thing to my own mother.
Do we have it rough? Of course some people do...but perspective...wow, has that been hitting me hard lately. As people (especially from the West) I think we find ourselves being a little egocentric. There aren't many people who take into account the lives of others, especially those around the world. Sitting and wallowing, as I often do, can be sobered up right quick if you allow yourself to start thinking of others...allow me to give some examples of people in my own life.
When I first visited Uganda in 1999, my dearest (British) friend, Sophie, a nurse, was taking me for a tour in one of the local hospitals. Kiwoko Hopspital is actually a really nice facility considering it's in the middle of the bush. As we wandered around we started hearing the cry of what was obviously a very small baby. We followed her cry and I gasped when we found her. She was in a room, alone, on a woven mat laid on the concrete floor. She was covered from head to toe in bandages that were covered in yellow puss and slime. She was a burn victim, alone, in pain, infected, with no one to comfort and hold her. She couldn't have been more than 3-4 months old. Who knows how long she had be laying there alone and crying. Who knows if anyone would ever come for her. I wept there on my knees. I felt ill and had to go outside to breathe. This was the worst thing I had ever seen....but for this little baby, it was just reality...
Perspective.
I little boy I know, who in 1999, was 8 years old and blind in one eye. He fell several stories out of a mango tree and a branch pierced through his eye and destroyed his optic nerve. He was walking me home one night, holding my hand and I said, "Muyango, are you ever angry at God for Him allowing you to fall and lose your eye site?" His answer just about caused me to faint... "No Auntie Amber. I actually feel that God loves me more than I ever knew...I could have died, but instead, God saved my life and only took away the eye site of one eye." Eight years old folks...
Perspective.
When I lived in Uganda in 2001, I was visiting someone in the hospital and next to me in the childrens ward was a teeny tiny baby girl. Her caretaker was with her. I asked how she was and why she was there... While her mother had been working in the garden, someone had come into her home and raped her 6 month old baby girl. They didn't know if she would live or not.
Perspective.
My friend, Sennyonjo, watched his family murdered by rebel soldiers. Sisters raped and killed. Brother and father stabbed with a machete right before his young 9 year old eyes.
Perspective.
Adrienne, who lost 5 babies to miscarriages, just endured a failed adoption. I've wept for her because I cannot imagine how terrible that feels. It's such a sad story and it really breaks my heart just to think about it.
Perspective.
My lifelong friend, Charlene, after trying to get pregnant for so long, lost the baby and almost died due to a tubal pregnancy...and then not long after lost her mother suddenly.
Perspective.
My sweet, precious friend Abby, on the night before thanksgiving was told that her 6 month old nephew, Noah, had died in his sleep. His mommy, Rebecca, had laid him down for a nap and checked on him periodically...the last time she checked on him he was face down and blue. The paramedics came and tried to revive him but could not. What was it like for her to find her baby in his crib, lifeless, gone, never to cry, smile, laugh again? What was it like to see the paramedics trying to revive him, thinking "of course they will be able to" only to see them fail? What does it feel like every night to know that when you wake up, he still wont be there. How do you explain to their toddler, Emma, that her little brother is gone? How does his daddy, Richard, live everyday without his little baby boy? How did Rebecca watch Noah be taken away to know that he would never be coming back? This is a family that is so close and loving and sensitive and wonderful and I have cried everyday since finding this horrible news out on Wednesday in tears, praying and finding little to no consolation.
Perspective.
Even though I never got to meet Noah, my heart has been broken in a way I had never imagined by this loss. It has broken me and sobered me and put life into perspective for me. It put me into a spiral...thinking of all those JUST in my life who have actual tragedies. Having a mother who makes mistakes and fails me a lot, is NOT a tragedy. Its something to just get over, and move on from. It made me confident that no matter what goes on in most of our lives, we can always find someone who has it much harder. God is my refuge and my strength and in ALL things He is in control. Its really hard to believe when peoples children are being taken from them, and little babies are getting raped and children are starving to death and seeing their parents murdered...why does all of this happen? I can't understand it but I am trying my hardest to pull myself out of all pity parties and put things into perspective...
Life has changed for me...let me never forget it.
Perspective...whats yours?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I Cannot Keep Silent Any Longer
I've been trying really hard to keep quiet, but I just can't do it. I woke up this morning and my mind was racing. Politics can be a very divisive topic. Why is that? Are people so offended by difference that you cannot even respect another person who you don't agree with? I cannot figure it out...I cannot...
Sarah Palin has been holding her campaign rallies...good for her. You know what isn't good? Not to worry, I'll tell yah. This...when the issues aren't working, when they aren't getting you ahead in the poles, start trying to make people afraid...that my friends, is not good. Start saying things like, "His friends are terrorists, His name is Barack Hussein Obama" Is that all you have? The latest kicker for me is the audience of the rallies saying things like "Kill Obama" with no head shakes from her... This is so sad. Is this where we are? That because you aren't voting for someone you have to shout "Kill Obama." I do not understand this!!! This, from the people who are having her autograph their Bibles...Wow... Is Jesus proud of this?
I'm tired. I'm tired of all the reports... I'm tired of my mom sending me all her really weird (not to mention false) forwards via email. I'm tired of people saying Barack Obama is "evil" but when I ask why, they can't tell me.
People just don't understand what they are doing... Jesus said it best, Father forgive them, they know not what they do. They murder Dr's because they murder babies, they kill homosexuals because they are sinners, they hate difference so much that it makes me wonder...if Jesus came to this earth now, just as He was when He was here, an advocate for peace, a lover of mercy, the ultimate show-er of Gods love, a voice for "the least", a shout against religion, would they kill Him again?
I watched this video and cried...my heart literally mourns...how can Jesus, who did not come to create a religion, have His name slapped on the hearts of those who profess such things... It seems that he is lost all together, just forgotten... its heartbreaking...
Sarah Palin has been holding her campaign rallies...good for her. You know what isn't good? Not to worry, I'll tell yah. This...when the issues aren't working, when they aren't getting you ahead in the poles, start trying to make people afraid...that my friends, is not good. Start saying things like, "His friends are terrorists, His name is Barack Hussein Obama" Is that all you have? The latest kicker for me is the audience of the rallies saying things like "Kill Obama" with no head shakes from her... This is so sad. Is this where we are? That because you aren't voting for someone you have to shout "Kill Obama." I do not understand this!!! This, from the people who are having her autograph their Bibles...Wow... Is Jesus proud of this?
I'm tired. I'm tired of all the reports... I'm tired of my mom sending me all her really weird (not to mention false) forwards via email. I'm tired of people saying Barack Obama is "evil" but when I ask why, they can't tell me.
People just don't understand what they are doing... Jesus said it best, Father forgive them, they know not what they do. They murder Dr's because they murder babies, they kill homosexuals because they are sinners, they hate difference so much that it makes me wonder...if Jesus came to this earth now, just as He was when He was here, an advocate for peace, a lover of mercy, the ultimate show-er of Gods love, a voice for "the least", a shout against religion, would they kill Him again?
I watched this video and cried...my heart literally mourns...how can Jesus, who did not come to create a religion, have His name slapped on the hearts of those who profess such things... It seems that he is lost all together, just forgotten... its heartbreaking...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Birthdays And Total Awe...
Happy Birthday to my sweet husband...who is 25 today. (We are "only a year apart" for 5 months haha) He's been so sweet today. I've been trying to give him a break today, but I was feeling really ill this morning. As I started feeling better I started cleaning up our breakfast, doing dishes and the like. I dropped his favorite mug, it shattered!!! On its way to the bottom of the sink, I tried to save it, but instead just sliced my finger opened and it was bleeding forever! Its throbbing now and I'm trying to not use it...poor guy is tidying up the house and being so wonderful! We are going to get Lebanese food for lunch but I think that's all we are doing...I'm so glad I'm married to Will...Happy Birthday sweet love!
So I was poking around on facebook...and one of my "facebook-friends" commented on a picture of her friends picture (which allowed me to see the picture and the comment). I noticed that the picture was of Sarah Palin and being the politics freak (not Sarah Palin freak...just politics freak) that I am, I took a look...There was a little rally type thing in Carson, CA, which is about 20 minutes from where I live. I guess this person, who I don't know at all, went to this rally. She had tons of really close up pictures of Gov Palin, and I was thinking, "Wow what an awesome experience for this person." Then I got extremely disturbed!! This person had Sarah Palin autograph her Bible... I am so taken aback by this act that I cannot even articulate my feelings... I find it totally inappropriate and disturbing and even blasphemous. I don't know the person, I don't know what they thought they were achieving but I just found it kind of a reflexion of the strange attitude that a lot of Christians feel about politics...that you have to, in a sense, "worship" the republican candidate, even if most of their stances on politics are totally anti-Christ and His message...I think I'm going to sit on it for awhile and digest it...it was just very strange and gave me a bit of a sick feeling that Jesus came to this earth and gave all that He gave, for us, and people have so perverted it all...
Happy Birthday Will!!!
So I was poking around on facebook...and one of my "facebook-friends" commented on a picture of her friends picture (which allowed me to see the picture and the comment). I noticed that the picture was of Sarah Palin and being the politics freak (not Sarah Palin freak...just politics freak) that I am, I took a look...There was a little rally type thing in Carson, CA, which is about 20 minutes from where I live. I guess this person, who I don't know at all, went to this rally. She had tons of really close up pictures of Gov Palin, and I was thinking, "Wow what an awesome experience for this person." Then I got extremely disturbed!! This person had Sarah Palin autograph her Bible... I am so taken aback by this act that I cannot even articulate my feelings... I find it totally inappropriate and disturbing and even blasphemous. I don't know the person, I don't know what they thought they were achieving but I just found it kind of a reflexion of the strange attitude that a lot of Christians feel about politics...that you have to, in a sense, "worship" the republican candidate, even if most of their stances on politics are totally anti-Christ and His message...I think I'm going to sit on it for awhile and digest it...it was just very strange and gave me a bit of a sick feeling that Jesus came to this earth and gave all that He gave, for us, and people have so perverted it all...
Happy Birthday Will!!!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Giving Away
I'm not sure of I shared about our toy give away. Solomon and I went through a lot of him toys and got ride of tons of them...but we didn't just give them away. We gave them to our friends Robert and Gertrude Sennyonjo http://www.scciuganda.org/ who are the founders of Sammys Children Centre. They have three little boys, and are from Uganda. We also sent some to our Canadian/Tongan friends who live in Uganda to but they haven't received them yet. Robert sent us the pictures of his boys playing with the toys Solomon sent them and I thought I would share them because it made me so happy. Robert wrote saying that they were working on figuring out what to do with them and how to get them to work. Can you imagine not know how most of these work or turn them on? It's just fascinating to me...I mean, I lived there and I have seen it all...from really rich OC women spritzing little orphaned village kids with D&G Light Blue perfume, to people bring over snow gear to, yes the equator. People just don't know what goes on in other countries some times...and its an educational experience to say the least to see little 6 year olds with newborns strapped to their backs, walking on a road alone where there isn't an adult for at least 7 miles. I actually felt embarrassed at the amount of toys that we were giving away. It was a little humbling...and I wondered if they would wonder why we were sending toys instead of necessities like clothes...or maybe even school supplies. They seem to enjoy the gifts there...and here are the picture of Sammy, Steven and Silas to prove it.
If you'd like to donate anything to SCCI, PLEASE contact me. Or if you would like to sponsor a child (did I mention Robert was raised in an orphanage, so as an orphan himself, he has devoted his life to caring for orphans the way he was cared for...hence starting Sammy's Children Centre International.) I believe it only cost $20 a month...what an awesome opportunity to change the life of a child in this way! Let me know of visit the website http://www.scciuganda.org/
In other news, Solomon has been a complete tyrant!!! My goodness...total bruiser! To his credit, because we are freshly potty trained, we haven't gone out much lately. Plus, Will had a schedule change, and even though it allows him to be home more, Solomon usually goes through an adjustment period when that this sort of thing happens. To add to it, Will and I both got this nasty flu that has been going around. I was layed out for 2 days with a fever and all...the topper was the migraine that came with it...lovely! The poor child has been a little neglected lately so I'm going to try and change that now that I am feeling better. At least make it out to Target or something like that. He was pounding on my sister, scratched her face, and bit her leg!!! What the heck??? He does NOT do those types of things ever!!
Can I just say that I am really happy that Survivor is on...hahaha...yes its STILL on, and I STILL love it...plus they finally brought it back to Africa...so uh I HAVE to watch it!
Yikes...the bailout didn't pass. Part of me feels like this country could use a good cleansing, but it is going to be frightening...very frightening. I'm sure another version will pass though... Its crazy times people...deregulation brought us here and unless you want MORE of it, you might want to think about who you are voting for. Just for the record, John McCain is one of the biggest fans of deregulation...Again, frightening times.
If you'd like to donate anything to SCCI, PLEASE contact me. Or if you would like to sponsor a child (did I mention Robert was raised in an orphanage, so as an orphan himself, he has devoted his life to caring for orphans the way he was cared for...hence starting Sammy's Children Centre International.) I believe it only cost $20 a month...what an awesome opportunity to change the life of a child in this way! Let me know of visit the website http://www.scciuganda.org/
In other news, Solomon has been a complete tyrant!!! My goodness...total bruiser! To his credit, because we are freshly potty trained, we haven't gone out much lately. Plus, Will had a schedule change, and even though it allows him to be home more, Solomon usually goes through an adjustment period when that this sort of thing happens. To add to it, Will and I both got this nasty flu that has been going around. I was layed out for 2 days with a fever and all...the topper was the migraine that came with it...lovely! The poor child has been a little neglected lately so I'm going to try and change that now that I am feeling better. At least make it out to Target or something like that. He was pounding on my sister, scratched her face, and bit her leg!!! What the heck??? He does NOT do those types of things ever!!
Can I just say that I am really happy that Survivor is on...hahaha...yes its STILL on, and I STILL love it...plus they finally brought it back to Africa...so uh I HAVE to watch it!
Yikes...the bailout didn't pass. Part of me feels like this country could use a good cleansing, but it is going to be frightening...very frightening. I'm sure another version will pass though... Its crazy times people...deregulation brought us here and unless you want MORE of it, you might want to think about who you are voting for. Just for the record, John McCain is one of the biggest fans of deregulation...Again, frightening times.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Spill The Beans
Lately I have had so many things on my mind. I type out (in my head) entire blogs, that are brilliant, I might add, while I'm desperately trying to sleep.
Sometimes my mom really cares about what other people think of her. Here's the catch. She doesn't care if people think she is poor. In fact, she wallows in the pity. A good example? Here's one. She told a huge sob story to my little brother Aaron's friends mom...said they had no money for school supplies and school clothes (the truth of the matter was my dad, had taken him out the week before and bought him TONS of new things...Aaron was completely prepared for school) and she didn't know how she was going to make ends meet. Imagine the horror on 15 year old Aaron's face when said friends mother tells his friend, and his friend gives him $100 of his hard earned cash to purchase the supposed needed items!!! He was livid and was going to give it back...my mom said he couldn't give it back and that he needed to give her the money. Thank goodness he didn't listen though...wow... My point in all this is that I try to find a balance. I do NOT like to tell people about financial struggles but I also don't want to be consumed with what others think. So I have a story, but the reason I tell it is to boast of God's mercy and grace in the life of my little family...
We have been doing a Sermon On The Mount Study at church. It has been really challenging and has moved Will and I to do some things we normal do not do. One of the things that really spoke to us us eliminating lots of our stuff, and giving money away until it was physically painful. We did a lot of that. We knew it was enough when we would have trembling hands and a sick feeling in the pit of our stomach...it hurt! Now I know I have shared that Will is a full time Chiropractic student and we live primarily off of the living expenses part of his school loans. He works part time (aside from the FULL TIME internship he has which pays a whopping $0.00 per hour) and I nanny very occasionally and try to sell things online. When we heard that giving ourselves away was going to be hard and life changing, we didn't understand that to the fullest capacity. We were getting the next loan check on September 2nd. We gave where we felt called, as much as we could...and then we found ourselves with $15 in our savings account and just a matter of time before the last check cleared and our checking account was overdrawn. I was crying. I was so stressed. I didn't know how to suppress my fear. It was a matter of a week but all signs were pointing to us really being in a major hole! So...what now. Will and I had been eating canned soup while Solomon enjoyed noodles with pizza sauce on them and oatmeal for a few weeks now. The fridge, cupboards and freezer and empty. I just felt ill. I called will on August 28th crying hysterically. "We have no money, no food, I have nothing to give Solomon for a snack!!! I can't take this anymore!!" He said, "Calm down. We will be ok...it's not even a week away and then I get my check." I sobbed...no consolation there. August 29th, we get an envelope from Will's mom with his new car registration, insurance proof and the title to his car (it's still registered in PA so she takes car of all that for us)...and a check! Wow...ok...that covered the last check that could clear any day. My sister gets home from work and writes me an early check for her phone bill (she is on my plan)...ok...we can make it to Tuesday. Friends, I cannot tell you how I have fretted this month...the tears I have shed. I had no thought in my head that God would actually provide... Can you imagine? He clothes the lilies, cares for the sparrows, and I cannot even THINK that because Will and I tried to obey what we felt God calling us to do, that God would in turn provide for us...wow. This is where my heart is? It was shocking....shocking. God is so much more than I ever even think He will be. I want to remember this in December if/when we are in this same place...but how? I have never been homeless. I have never been starving. My child hasn't cried himself to sleep in hunger. And somehow, I am arrogant enough to think and I am the one he will let go unnoticed. Oh God, let me remember your faithfulness. Let me trust you...fully.
So much is going on right now, what with the election that is coming up. Things are really on edge for me. I feel very passionate about my convictions, and while it is sad to say, I do not think there will ever be the perfect candidate for me to vote for, there is one this year that FAR out weighs the other. My ideal choice initially on the Republican side was Ron Paul. We still disagreed on a few things but he was a good choice. Obviously, he is no longer a choice for me. But I have made my decision, even more so now that he chose as awesome VP. What I can't understand is why people hate Sen. Obama so much. I watched the open forum at Saddelback church last week. Rick Warren interviewed Sen Obama and Sen McCain and I was just so pleased with what Sen Obama said. He is passionate about his relationship with Christ. He is passionate about caring for "the least of these." He is passionate about getting our country closer to the values it was founded on. He wants to secure our place in the world and try to calm some of the flames that have currently been fanned and fanned again by our current administration. I am elated that he takes no money from lobbyists. (Note: John McCain takes money from lobbyists, namely the AMA, who is the biggest contributor to abortions that there is). The only place that I really disagree with him is on abortion. I wish he were anti-abortion. But even the "anti-abortion" candidate is taking money to vote with/for/however the AMA (thanks to all that campaign money), which thrives because of abortion, so in that area, its a lose lose situation. Why do people hate Sen Obama SO much? I have heard so many people talk about watching Michelle Obama's speech at the DNC (which was AWESOME) , "I hate that woman...I just HATE her!!! I don't trust a word she says." Why I wonder? I cannot figure out why. Michelle Obama comes from a working class family, she is educated, well spoken, and beautiful...maybe that's why she is hated. Barack Obama is kind, he is not quick to anger, he rallies for the "lowly" and he has a plan to get this country out of the crapper. Is that why they hate him? My mom thinks he is evil, inexperienced (cue my chiming in with Sarah Palin having NO resume whatsoever. She has passed one bill as Governor of Alaska for off shore drilling, and her husband works for an oil company...oh and she is anti-abortion...thats her resume) for all I know she probably still thinks he's a Muslim, you know...because of his name...(Barack, an old testament name, he assisted Deborah in delivering the Israelites). But here's the thing...why don't people just DISAGREE with him. Why don't they just disagree with his politics? Why don't they disagree with his proposals...Why hate him? I just do not understand this. Jen and I were talking about how people literally say hurtful mean things if we suggest we are voting for him, which I am? They are acting like John McCain is their dad or something. I disagree with a lot of things that John McCain is for. But I don't hate him. I don't like the things he stands for. But I do not hate him. I just line up what he is for, the money he takes, the stabs he makes at people, the names he calls him wife, the life he is living in the public up, with what I believe spiritually. But my goodness, I don't hate him. I would have never imagined the backlash of a voting choice. Friends send me childish messages like "EWWWW sick!!!" and "You can't be serious" and just really strange things like that. I am responsible for my actions and I am doing what I feel is right...so how is this anyone elses business. I would just never go and seek someone out to tell them how "gross" I thought their choices were...but more than that, why all the hatred? Why? My only guess is this. I was raised in a church that kind of taught that difference was bad and something to look down upon...hate the poor people, hate the non Christians, hate the Mormons or Jehovah's witnesses (slam the door in their faces), hate the democrats, just hate difference... I am thankful that I sought the Scriptures independently, so find that the Jesus who was taught to me is not Jesus at all. The verse that says "I have not come to bring peace, but the sword" (which no, is not to prove that Jesus loves war...research the meaning). And is followed by Jesus continuing to tell people that mothers will hate their child and brothers will hate their sisters, because his message is not loved by the masses, or more specifically by the religious people... So perhaps that is the reason for all the hatred...its the only thing I can think of.
Next on the agenda...
I have been having so much mommy guilt. It is eating me alive. My patience has been non existent lately. I have been doing things that I never thought I would do as a mother. It's interesting what a humbling experience motherhood is. No matter how good you think you will be at it, no matter how many times you think you will not hurt your kids the way your mom hurt you...you are just so wrong. I'm praying that God helps me truly understand that I can tap into His compassion and love and when I completely fail, He is there, just like I am for Solomon, wanting His best for me and ready to move forward.
A bragging moment. We went to a gathering a few weeks ago. There were boys that were at least six months older than Solomon. They were hitting and kicking and shoving and full on punching each other in the face. Solomon, he didn't raise a finger! There were mom's that were hauling off and whacking their kids (for whacking other kids I might add...this one confuses me thoroughly!) and they would just cry their little eyes out, and there goes my little guy...he walks right up to them and hunches down a bit (as if he weren't the same height) and says, "Are you ok?" It was a little traumatic for him. He went home talking about the "mommies hitting". But Will and I were so proud of him. So much of that little boy is just his sweet soul and spirit, which we cannot take credit for. He is just such a gem and is truly caring for other people...it was a wonderful thing to experience.
I must add this...tonight, my sweet sweet Solomon, who always disses me for other people, made my night. My mom asked me tonight if she could put Solomon to sleep. First I said no, simply because he is a routine kinda' kid and it never works but then I felt guilty (Im a guilt-a-holic) so I said she could. Well I made his little bottle and my mom took it and Solomon starts repeating very adamantly, "NOOOO, momma feed bottle, momma rock!!!" SCORE!!! She finally gave up because he didn't want her to touch him!! Which is totally not typical. He doesnt see her a ton so he LOVES time with her!!
There are a few other things that I want to share but can't at the moment...soon to come :)
Sometimes my mom really cares about what other people think of her. Here's the catch. She doesn't care if people think she is poor. In fact, she wallows in the pity. A good example? Here's one. She told a huge sob story to my little brother Aaron's friends mom...said they had no money for school supplies and school clothes (the truth of the matter was my dad, had taken him out the week before and bought him TONS of new things...Aaron was completely prepared for school) and she didn't know how she was going to make ends meet. Imagine the horror on 15 year old Aaron's face when said friends mother tells his friend, and his friend gives him $100 of his hard earned cash to purchase the supposed needed items!!! He was livid and was going to give it back...my mom said he couldn't give it back and that he needed to give her the money. Thank goodness he didn't listen though...wow... My point in all this is that I try to find a balance. I do NOT like to tell people about financial struggles but I also don't want to be consumed with what others think. So I have a story, but the reason I tell it is to boast of God's mercy and grace in the life of my little family...
We have been doing a Sermon On The Mount Study at church. It has been really challenging and has moved Will and I to do some things we normal do not do. One of the things that really spoke to us us eliminating lots of our stuff, and giving money away until it was physically painful. We did a lot of that. We knew it was enough when we would have trembling hands and a sick feeling in the pit of our stomach...it hurt! Now I know I have shared that Will is a full time Chiropractic student and we live primarily off of the living expenses part of his school loans. He works part time (aside from the FULL TIME internship he has which pays a whopping $0.00 per hour) and I nanny very occasionally and try to sell things online. When we heard that giving ourselves away was going to be hard and life changing, we didn't understand that to the fullest capacity. We were getting the next loan check on September 2nd. We gave where we felt called, as much as we could...and then we found ourselves with $15 in our savings account and just a matter of time before the last check cleared and our checking account was overdrawn. I was crying. I was so stressed. I didn't know how to suppress my fear. It was a matter of a week but all signs were pointing to us really being in a major hole! So...what now. Will and I had been eating canned soup while Solomon enjoyed noodles with pizza sauce on them and oatmeal for a few weeks now. The fridge, cupboards and freezer and empty. I just felt ill. I called will on August 28th crying hysterically. "We have no money, no food, I have nothing to give Solomon for a snack!!! I can't take this anymore!!" He said, "Calm down. We will be ok...it's not even a week away and then I get my check." I sobbed...no consolation there. August 29th, we get an envelope from Will's mom with his new car registration, insurance proof and the title to his car (it's still registered in PA so she takes car of all that for us)...and a check! Wow...ok...that covered the last check that could clear any day. My sister gets home from work and writes me an early check for her phone bill (she is on my plan)...ok...we can make it to Tuesday. Friends, I cannot tell you how I have fretted this month...the tears I have shed. I had no thought in my head that God would actually provide... Can you imagine? He clothes the lilies, cares for the sparrows, and I cannot even THINK that because Will and I tried to obey what we felt God calling us to do, that God would in turn provide for us...wow. This is where my heart is? It was shocking....shocking. God is so much more than I ever even think He will be. I want to remember this in December if/when we are in this same place...but how? I have never been homeless. I have never been starving. My child hasn't cried himself to sleep in hunger. And somehow, I am arrogant enough to think and I am the one he will let go unnoticed. Oh God, let me remember your faithfulness. Let me trust you...fully.
So much is going on right now, what with the election that is coming up. Things are really on edge for me. I feel very passionate about my convictions, and while it is sad to say, I do not think there will ever be the perfect candidate for me to vote for, there is one this year that FAR out weighs the other. My ideal choice initially on the Republican side was Ron Paul. We still disagreed on a few things but he was a good choice. Obviously, he is no longer a choice for me. But I have made my decision, even more so now that he chose as awesome VP. What I can't understand is why people hate Sen. Obama so much. I watched the open forum at Saddelback church last week. Rick Warren interviewed Sen Obama and Sen McCain and I was just so pleased with what Sen Obama said. He is passionate about his relationship with Christ. He is passionate about caring for "the least of these." He is passionate about getting our country closer to the values it was founded on. He wants to secure our place in the world and try to calm some of the flames that have currently been fanned and fanned again by our current administration. I am elated that he takes no money from lobbyists. (Note: John McCain takes money from lobbyists, namely the AMA, who is the biggest contributor to abortions that there is). The only place that I really disagree with him is on abortion. I wish he were anti-abortion. But even the "anti-abortion" candidate is taking money to vote with/for/however the AMA (thanks to all that campaign money), which thrives because of abortion, so in that area, its a lose lose situation. Why do people hate Sen Obama SO much? I have heard so many people talk about watching Michelle Obama's speech at the DNC (which was AWESOME) , "I hate that woman...I just HATE her!!! I don't trust a word she says." Why I wonder? I cannot figure out why. Michelle Obama comes from a working class family, she is educated, well spoken, and beautiful...maybe that's why she is hated. Barack Obama is kind, he is not quick to anger, he rallies for the "lowly" and he has a plan to get this country out of the crapper. Is that why they hate him? My mom thinks he is evil, inexperienced (cue my chiming in with Sarah Palin having NO resume whatsoever. She has passed one bill as Governor of Alaska for off shore drilling, and her husband works for an oil company...oh and she is anti-abortion...thats her resume) for all I know she probably still thinks he's a Muslim, you know...because of his name...(Barack, an old testament name, he assisted Deborah in delivering the Israelites). But here's the thing...why don't people just DISAGREE with him. Why don't they just disagree with his politics? Why don't they disagree with his proposals...Why hate him? I just do not understand this. Jen and I were talking about how people literally say hurtful mean things if we suggest we are voting for him, which I am? They are acting like John McCain is their dad or something. I disagree with a lot of things that John McCain is for. But I don't hate him. I don't like the things he stands for. But I do not hate him. I just line up what he is for, the money he takes, the stabs he makes at people, the names he calls him wife, the life he is living in the public up, with what I believe spiritually. But my goodness, I don't hate him. I would have never imagined the backlash of a voting choice. Friends send me childish messages like "EWWWW sick!!!" and "You can't be serious" and just really strange things like that. I am responsible for my actions and I am doing what I feel is right...so how is this anyone elses business. I would just never go and seek someone out to tell them how "gross" I thought their choices were...but more than that, why all the hatred? Why? My only guess is this. I was raised in a church that kind of taught that difference was bad and something to look down upon...hate the poor people, hate the non Christians, hate the Mormons or Jehovah's witnesses (slam the door in their faces), hate the democrats, just hate difference... I am thankful that I sought the Scriptures independently, so find that the Jesus who was taught to me is not Jesus at all. The verse that says "I have not come to bring peace, but the sword" (which no, is not to prove that Jesus loves war...research the meaning). And is followed by Jesus continuing to tell people that mothers will hate their child and brothers will hate their sisters, because his message is not loved by the masses, or more specifically by the religious people... So perhaps that is the reason for all the hatred...its the only thing I can think of.
Next on the agenda...
I have been having so much mommy guilt. It is eating me alive. My patience has been non existent lately. I have been doing things that I never thought I would do as a mother. It's interesting what a humbling experience motherhood is. No matter how good you think you will be at it, no matter how many times you think you will not hurt your kids the way your mom hurt you...you are just so wrong. I'm praying that God helps me truly understand that I can tap into His compassion and love and when I completely fail, He is there, just like I am for Solomon, wanting His best for me and ready to move forward.
A bragging moment. We went to a gathering a few weeks ago. There were boys that were at least six months older than Solomon. They were hitting and kicking and shoving and full on punching each other in the face. Solomon, he didn't raise a finger! There were mom's that were hauling off and whacking their kids (for whacking other kids I might add...this one confuses me thoroughly!) and they would just cry their little eyes out, and there goes my little guy...he walks right up to them and hunches down a bit (as if he weren't the same height) and says, "Are you ok?" It was a little traumatic for him. He went home talking about the "mommies hitting". But Will and I were so proud of him. So much of that little boy is just his sweet soul and spirit, which we cannot take credit for. He is just such a gem and is truly caring for other people...it was a wonderful thing to experience.
I must add this...tonight, my sweet sweet Solomon, who always disses me for other people, made my night. My mom asked me tonight if she could put Solomon to sleep. First I said no, simply because he is a routine kinda' kid and it never works but then I felt guilty (Im a guilt-a-holic) so I said she could. Well I made his little bottle and my mom took it and Solomon starts repeating very adamantly, "NOOOO, momma feed bottle, momma rock!!!" SCORE!!! She finally gave up because he didn't want her to touch him!! Which is totally not typical. He doesnt see her a ton so he LOVES time with her!!
There are a few other things that I want to share but can't at the moment...soon to come :)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Gas Prices
I cannot tell you how excited I am for gas to be below $4. it was up in the 4.60's three weeks ago. Thank you China for outlawing driving for the Olympics...and whataya know, the oils prices went down...hurray...
Monday, August 4, 2008
Live Simply
Saturday night we went to church and we were just so glad that we went. We are doing a Sermon On The Mount (The End Of Religion) study that has been extremely heart piercing and life changing. Saturday's study was titled "Hands Free" (which was very appropriate in many ways. Here in California, since July 1st, it is now illegal to use your cell phone while driving without a hands free devise, which is pretty much the most ridiculous law I have ever heard of BUT that is another blog entirely).
He talked about about money, living simply, taking care of those around us, not being so stressed out about tomorrow and living in today, knowing that the God of all is taking care of us. Of course I cannot do it justice, even in the least. So go and listen to it here.
It got Will and I thinking about a lot. We have so much. Now, the world might see us as living off of school loans, just being able to pay our bills most months, living in my mom's guest house, BUT WOW, we have SO much! Todd (one of the pastors at Rock Harbor) read an email about a really young couple who decided that they wanted to live on only 50-60% of their income, and find ways to give the rest away. It was really a challenging thing to think about, much less to even consider. How many of us could do that? Well, all of us really. It requires an immeasurable sacrifice, or so it seems from a normal middle class American. We are in the upper 5% of the richest people in the world. How's that for sobering...I really implore you to take 40 minutes and listen to this service. (and if you are one of those over-achievers, start fromt he beginning)
My life was completely changed after my first visit to Uganda in 1999. Flying over the continent of Africa in itself was just about the MOST sobering thing that I thought could ever happen to me...until the plane landed. I road in the back of a cattle lorrie for two and half hours atop my luggage and saw things I never imagined were real. I saw little children running, jumping, yelling "hello muzungu" (foreigner) just because they saw me. I remember seeing a little boy about 7 with his little baby brother/sister strapped to his back, no adult in sight for miles, carrying a heavy jerrycan full of water up a pretty steep incline on Bombo Road. I was 17 years old and I was really scared and lonely and I cried my self to sleep for about 6 nights. But then... I fell in love. I got out of myself, I got out of my brainwashed American mind, and I fell in love. I fell in love with simplicity, with joy in spite of pain, with tender souls who had been through/seen things that you and I can only imagine. Yet, despite it all, they had a joy, a light shining from within that I had never in my life seen before...and I wanted more...
I returned to Uganda in 2001 where I stayed from March until September. I assisted a nurse in the on site clinic at the orphanage that I worked with. I taught math for a primary 4 class at the school on site. It was a tremendous experience. I made life long friends. I felt God closer than I have ever felt Him before. I experienced things that, in a lifetime, I cannot adequately express to anyone. I truly thought I would go there and just really, you know, "help" people...ha...what do I have to give? I was given more that I have ever even understood...and I will never ever forget my time there. My life was simple. No electricity, no running water, no entertaining outside of little ones, and friends I had made there. We'd play cards, have tea and talk, go for a walk or a bike ride, and that was about it in ways of entertaining ourselves. Simplicity... It allowed for genuine relationships, with friends, with children, with God. Simplicity... I came home, not wearing make up, not buying all kinds of unnecessary things, just, being simple... and then I slowly forgot all about it...
I went back a third time, where I also got to visit the war torn and slowly recovering Rwanda. I got to visit Sudanese refugee camps, and again, I was back in my Uganda. My heart skipped several beats as the plane landed. I stepped out on the stair case pushed up to the plane, I tipped my face toward the sun, tears streaming down my cheeks and I breathed in a breath of that Ugandan air that I had ached for for over a year... "Oh Uganda", I swore to myself, "I will never forget your simple beauty, this time, I will truly take you home with me, forever..."
(please stay with me...there is a point)
Today, I cleaned out (for about the forth time this year) Solomon's toys. I weeded through all the madness. Will and I always promised (before we had ever had children...I was pregnant) that Solomon would have one medium sized basket of toys...and if it didn't fit inside the basket, we didn't need it...well that didn't happen. I filled up another huge garbage bag of things that he has acquired over the last month or two since I last did this...just of things that he doesn't need. Oh gosh... I cried. I just got so sad. We have so much, too much, Solomon probably has 30 shirts...WHY? Why do I have that many shirts? Why do I have so many pairs of shoes?
I forgot you, Uganda...I forgot you, simplicity. I forgot all about you. In wanting to give my husband and my son "the life" I forgot all about the true and lasting joy that IS simplicity. I lost sight of what is most important...
I have a friend, Sennyonjo, and his wife and three little sons, who work to care for orphans. Sennyonjo, an orphan himself, watched his family be killed by rebels in the genocide of the 90's. He has three kids who probably have very few toys. I have a friend April who is Canadian. Her and her husband live in Uganda ministering to broken people. They have three little ones, who do not have a lot. I know many people like this. Happy children, happy people, living with very little. I talked to April today via email and she said they would be SO happy to receive some DVD's for her and her husband, and the kids, and toys or whatever fun treats we wanted to send their way. I am going to do a good bit of this...hoping that I can cut our family's belongings in half, while giving to people around us who need it.
The city of Lira is in Uganda...kind of northern/central-ish. A new city official was elected not too long ago. He had this great vision for this desolate, abandoned, broken, war torn village...so, yes, he had this huge vision for this place. In three years...he wanted every person to...are you ready...?
To own 2 shirts...
How do I go about my day, living in this sad, over consuming world? In my heart, I would sell everything I have, cars, clothes, everything...to take my family and go back to Uganda... Unfortunately, that isn't where God has us, as a family, now. My ministry is my husband, my son, the people around me, here, now.
I am working hard at being content here. But because of this entire study I am learning how to live out what is in my heart, even if buried deep down, here, now, with what I have been given.
Our new goals, as a family, is to really get ride of many many many things. We want to start giving ourselves away more. We want to do more for the people in our lives who need things more than we do. It's a start...and tiny tiny tiny start...but it is a start...to living simply.
He talked about about money, living simply, taking care of those around us, not being so stressed out about tomorrow and living in today, knowing that the God of all is taking care of us. Of course I cannot do it justice, even in the least. So go and listen to it here.
It got Will and I thinking about a lot. We have so much. Now, the world might see us as living off of school loans, just being able to pay our bills most months, living in my mom's guest house, BUT WOW, we have SO much! Todd (one of the pastors at Rock Harbor) read an email about a really young couple who decided that they wanted to live on only 50-60% of their income, and find ways to give the rest away. It was really a challenging thing to think about, much less to even consider. How many of us could do that? Well, all of us really. It requires an immeasurable sacrifice, or so it seems from a normal middle class American. We are in the upper 5% of the richest people in the world. How's that for sobering...I really implore you to take 40 minutes and listen to this service. (and if you are one of those over-achievers, start fromt he beginning)
My life was completely changed after my first visit to Uganda in 1999. Flying over the continent of Africa in itself was just about the MOST sobering thing that I thought could ever happen to me...until the plane landed. I road in the back of a cattle lorrie for two and half hours atop my luggage and saw things I never imagined were real. I saw little children running, jumping, yelling "hello muzungu" (foreigner) just because they saw me. I remember seeing a little boy about 7 with his little baby brother/sister strapped to his back, no adult in sight for miles, carrying a heavy jerrycan full of water up a pretty steep incline on Bombo Road. I was 17 years old and I was really scared and lonely and I cried my self to sleep for about 6 nights. But then... I fell in love. I got out of myself, I got out of my brainwashed American mind, and I fell in love. I fell in love with simplicity, with joy in spite of pain, with tender souls who had been through/seen things that you and I can only imagine. Yet, despite it all, they had a joy, a light shining from within that I had never in my life seen before...and I wanted more...
I returned to Uganda in 2001 where I stayed from March until September. I assisted a nurse in the on site clinic at the orphanage that I worked with. I taught math for a primary 4 class at the school on site. It was a tremendous experience. I made life long friends. I felt God closer than I have ever felt Him before. I experienced things that, in a lifetime, I cannot adequately express to anyone. I truly thought I would go there and just really, you know, "help" people...ha...what do I have to give? I was given more that I have ever even understood...and I will never ever forget my time there. My life was simple. No electricity, no running water, no entertaining outside of little ones, and friends I had made there. We'd play cards, have tea and talk, go for a walk or a bike ride, and that was about it in ways of entertaining ourselves. Simplicity... It allowed for genuine relationships, with friends, with children, with God. Simplicity... I came home, not wearing make up, not buying all kinds of unnecessary things, just, being simple... and then I slowly forgot all about it...
I went back a third time, where I also got to visit the war torn and slowly recovering Rwanda. I got to visit Sudanese refugee camps, and again, I was back in my Uganda. My heart skipped several beats as the plane landed. I stepped out on the stair case pushed up to the plane, I tipped my face toward the sun, tears streaming down my cheeks and I breathed in a breath of that Ugandan air that I had ached for for over a year... "Oh Uganda", I swore to myself, "I will never forget your simple beauty, this time, I will truly take you home with me, forever..."
(please stay with me...there is a point)
Today, I cleaned out (for about the forth time this year) Solomon's toys. I weeded through all the madness. Will and I always promised (before we had ever had children...I was pregnant) that Solomon would have one medium sized basket of toys...and if it didn't fit inside the basket, we didn't need it...well that didn't happen. I filled up another huge garbage bag of things that he has acquired over the last month or two since I last did this...just of things that he doesn't need. Oh gosh... I cried. I just got so sad. We have so much, too much, Solomon probably has 30 shirts...WHY? Why do I have that many shirts? Why do I have so many pairs of shoes?
I forgot you, Uganda...I forgot you, simplicity. I forgot all about you. In wanting to give my husband and my son "the life" I forgot all about the true and lasting joy that IS simplicity. I lost sight of what is most important...
I have a friend, Sennyonjo, and his wife and three little sons, who work to care for orphans. Sennyonjo, an orphan himself, watched his family be killed by rebels in the genocide of the 90's. He has three kids who probably have very few toys. I have a friend April who is Canadian. Her and her husband live in Uganda ministering to broken people. They have three little ones, who do not have a lot. I know many people like this. Happy children, happy people, living with very little. I talked to April today via email and she said they would be SO happy to receive some DVD's for her and her husband, and the kids, and toys or whatever fun treats we wanted to send their way. I am going to do a good bit of this...hoping that I can cut our family's belongings in half, while giving to people around us who need it.
The city of Lira is in Uganda...kind of northern/central-ish. A new city official was elected not too long ago. He had this great vision for this desolate, abandoned, broken, war torn village...so, yes, he had this huge vision for this place. In three years...he wanted every person to...are you ready...?
To own 2 shirts...
How do I go about my day, living in this sad, over consuming world? In my heart, I would sell everything I have, cars, clothes, everything...to take my family and go back to Uganda... Unfortunately, that isn't where God has us, as a family, now. My ministry is my husband, my son, the people around me, here, now.
I am working hard at being content here. But because of this entire study I am learning how to live out what is in my heart, even if buried deep down, here, now, with what I have been given.
Our new goals, as a family, is to really get ride of many many many things. We want to start giving ourselves away more. We want to do more for the people in our lives who need things more than we do. It's a start...and tiny tiny tiny start...but it is a start...to living simply.
Monday, July 21, 2008
A Whole Lotta'...
Things...they are overall going pretty well.
The bottle...to update, has resurfaced, mostly by my (and Will's choice). Solomon had one of his famous fevers on Wednesday night, which thankfully broke on Thursday morning, but since he had a fever, we decided he deserved a bottle...haha...mostly, we just wanted him to have the bottle for a little longer, until, as an AP family, we all feel like its time to move on. We all just weren't ready yet. After reading yahoo questions and finding all kinds of answers about pretty much every 2 year old on the planet (haha not really, but there were hundreds) having a bottle and eventually coming off of it, we just decided that it would be worth it for us all to be comfortable...
Will's dad came for a visit. He arrived Thursday and left Saturday. He was so sweet and plesant. Solomon has only seen him a few times so it was nice to reintroduce him, and see just how much they adored eashother. On Thursday Bill (Wills dad) wanted us to go toys'r'us, which was also his first visit there, and said he could get whatever he wanted...ahhhhh...He was even willing to get him a $500 ride on powered jeep thing...whew...we escaped it though. We ended up leaving with a big talking Mater from CARS, a powered by remote control CAT backhoe loader, and a Mack from CARS that opens up to be McQueens living space. Pretty awesome. We were very grateful that Bill wanted to do something so special like that for Solomon. It was very sweet. We also attempted a movie...haha...attempted. We saw about 20 minutes of Wall-E until Solomon decided he had DEFINITELY had enough. Overall, it was a great day. Friday we picked Bill up from the hotel and were off to the LA Zoo. Bill and Solomon really enjoyed their time together. It was a great day. Saturday we just met him for dinner and talked about the upcoming move to PA and what it would be like to start a practice there (he has a great Chiro practice there as well) and Solomon entertained us...it was great to have such a pleasant visit with him.
I have been a little down lately. Solomon seems to hate me! He cries with I walk in to get him up from his nap. He SCREAMS for daddy. It takes me ages to calm him down. I just feel awful At night/in the morning, if I even show my head before Will does, he just completely melts down! Thanks a lot buddy, I birth you and this is the thanks I get...it makes me sad. I have heard a lot of people say that it's common but it doesn't hurt my feelings any less. Will is gone a lot! But not so much so that I think it makes it worse. Solomon gets to upset when he sees Will start to get a dress shirt and tie on...he just goes crazy thinking of excuses to get Will to sit down and stay. I just feel like a boring old maid...I miss my cuddly boy who loved me...hopefully this passes soon!
My sweet friend Sophie (she and her son, Adam (who was 4 at the time), were pretty much my "other half" while living in Uganda...they are just AMAZING!!! She has since married, she has a beautiful step daughter and a little 3 year old name Josh and new baby Jude) had a baby 2 weeks ago...here is a picture to enjoy of her two boys, Adam and Jude and her hotness...TWO weeks after giving birth. She said her home birth went really well, apart from he midwife dropping Jude as he came out...yikes!!! oopsie!
In other news, while eating lunch Solomon looks at me and says, "Momma, poop on potty." I was like, "uh now.....ok!" And I got him up from the table, sat him on the toilet, and Ta-Da!!! I have a picture of it haha, but I will spare you.
Also, I burnt my lip. I was having this tiny little vegan pizza pocket type thing, that was WAY hotter than I thought. Some of the sauce, which was SOOO hot, shot out on my lip and it was just so painful. I had this big blister for 5 days. Gross...the picture doesn't really do it justice, but yes, not fun.
Will and I have been at each others throats lately...again. You know, of all the things that can cause stress on a family, you add in, living in a country that is illegally at war, which is causing oil prices to soar, which makes everything else more expensive, you have the economy plummeting and the housing market bottoming out, our planet is so polluted it's causing horrific climate change that is terrorizing the whole world, toxins fill the air, not to mention the sad state of the church, and it's A LOT to take in as a young family. Our parents don't understand the level of stress that we are under because they bought houses that were 60K and had a secure economy and, at that time, only a semi-corrupt government. It is sometimes hard for us to even talk to them about it because "they made it" and "they have been there." Then there are the super fun conversations that end with "Well Amber needs to get a job, and work when you get home." Which is 7pm...so I guess I need to be a bartender, work 7pm-2am and wake up with my son at 5am...yeah...You understand right...? It all puts pressure on us and we just take things out on each other. It doesn't help that we don't get alone time together, we don't have our own room and we just long for a time when we will have it. We know it's just a season and we are trying to just take it as it comes and enjoy all the happy moments, that hopefully some day we can look back at, and laugh! I am so grateful that I have a husband who works so hard for our family...so that I do not have to be a bartender haha...
The bottle...to update, has resurfaced, mostly by my (and Will's choice). Solomon had one of his famous fevers on Wednesday night, which thankfully broke on Thursday morning, but since he had a fever, we decided he deserved a bottle...haha...mostly, we just wanted him to have the bottle for a little longer, until, as an AP family, we all feel like its time to move on. We all just weren't ready yet. After reading yahoo questions and finding all kinds of answers about pretty much every 2 year old on the planet (haha not really, but there were hundreds) having a bottle and eventually coming off of it, we just decided that it would be worth it for us all to be comfortable...
Will's dad came for a visit. He arrived Thursday and left Saturday. He was so sweet and plesant. Solomon has only seen him a few times so it was nice to reintroduce him, and see just how much they adored eashother. On Thursday Bill (Wills dad) wanted us to go toys'r'us, which was also his first visit there, and said he could get whatever he wanted...ahhhhh...He was even willing to get him a $500 ride on powered jeep thing...whew...we escaped it though. We ended up leaving with a big talking Mater from CARS, a powered by remote control CAT backhoe loader, and a Mack from CARS that opens up to be McQueens living space. Pretty awesome. We were very grateful that Bill wanted to do something so special like that for Solomon. It was very sweet. We also attempted a movie...haha...attempted. We saw about 20 minutes of Wall-E until Solomon decided he had DEFINITELY had enough. Overall, it was a great day. Friday we picked Bill up from the hotel and were off to the LA Zoo. Bill and Solomon really enjoyed their time together. It was a great day. Saturday we just met him for dinner and talked about the upcoming move to PA and what it would be like to start a practice there (he has a great Chiro practice there as well) and Solomon entertained us...it was great to have such a pleasant visit with him.
I have been a little down lately. Solomon seems to hate me! He cries with I walk in to get him up from his nap. He SCREAMS for daddy. It takes me ages to calm him down. I just feel awful At night/in the morning, if I even show my head before Will does, he just completely melts down! Thanks a lot buddy, I birth you and this is the thanks I get...it makes me sad. I have heard a lot of people say that it's common but it doesn't hurt my feelings any less. Will is gone a lot! But not so much so that I think it makes it worse. Solomon gets to upset when he sees Will start to get a dress shirt and tie on...he just goes crazy thinking of excuses to get Will to sit down and stay. I just feel like a boring old maid...I miss my cuddly boy who loved me...hopefully this passes soon!
My sweet friend Sophie (she and her son, Adam (who was 4 at the time), were pretty much my "other half" while living in Uganda...they are just AMAZING!!! She has since married, she has a beautiful step daughter and a little 3 year old name Josh and new baby Jude) had a baby 2 weeks ago...here is a picture to enjoy of her two boys, Adam and Jude and her hotness...TWO weeks after giving birth. She said her home birth went really well, apart from he midwife dropping Jude as he came out...yikes!!! oopsie!
In other news, while eating lunch Solomon looks at me and says, "Momma, poop on potty." I was like, "uh now.....ok!" And I got him up from the table, sat him on the toilet, and Ta-Da!!! I have a picture of it haha, but I will spare you.
Also, I burnt my lip. I was having this tiny little vegan pizza pocket type thing, that was WAY hotter than I thought. Some of the sauce, which was SOOO hot, shot out on my lip and it was just so painful. I had this big blister for 5 days. Gross...the picture doesn't really do it justice, but yes, not fun.
Will and I have been at each others throats lately...again. You know, of all the things that can cause stress on a family, you add in, living in a country that is illegally at war, which is causing oil prices to soar, which makes everything else more expensive, you have the economy plummeting and the housing market bottoming out, our planet is so polluted it's causing horrific climate change that is terrorizing the whole world, toxins fill the air, not to mention the sad state of the church, and it's A LOT to take in as a young family. Our parents don't understand the level of stress that we are under because they bought houses that were 60K and had a secure economy and, at that time, only a semi-corrupt government. It is sometimes hard for us to even talk to them about it because "they made it" and "they have been there." Then there are the super fun conversations that end with "Well Amber needs to get a job, and work when you get home." Which is 7pm...so I guess I need to be a bartender, work 7pm-2am and wake up with my son at 5am...yeah...You understand right...? It all puts pressure on us and we just take things out on each other. It doesn't help that we don't get alone time together, we don't have our own room and we just long for a time when we will have it. We know it's just a season and we are trying to just take it as it comes and enjoy all the happy moments, that hopefully some day we can look back at, and laugh! I am so grateful that I have a husband who works so hard for our family...so that I do not have to be a bartender haha...
Friday, July 4, 2008
Fireworks and Bombs
Last night, while Will was at work, my dad invited us to go on the top of his 10 story court house (he is a sheriff and works as a bailiff) to watch fireworks that were going to be shot off from a very close parking lot. I wasn't sure if Solomon was going to love them or be terrified, and dispite all of my preping ahead of time, he was terrified at the first boom. I had already gather our stuff, before they started, in the case that he didn't like them, and we quickly walked inside to take the elevator down to our car. He was clinging to me (and honestly, NOTHING scares this child!) and when we had to walk back outside to get inside the car he hugged me tighter and reapeated "all done all done, go home go home."
Once we were safe in our car, and driving away from the loud boom's he was back to his usual fearless self. It got me thinking what a life like that might be like. The loud boom's we were looking at were entertainment, by choice, completely safe. What if it wasn't? What if Solomon's everyday was filled with loud boom's that could actually kill him, or Will, or me. I began to think, mourn and ache for children, families, who fall asleep, everynight, to the fear I saw in Solomon's eyes for less than a minute. How would I feel if "war" became more than just a word that we use to describe a land far far away? Most of us just sit here, taking our safety for granted. Do we ever take the time to imagine what it must be like over there, right now? Do we imagine what we would say to our sweet babies at night, to help them feel safe? Do we imagine what we would say when our husbands went to work, the grocery store, out to get the mail, in case we never saw them again? This is how we should be thinking..."whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done to me"...I assure you, these are far from "the least" of these, and we find it paining us to even think of them...much less love them as we love ourselves. Would be bomb our own children? Would we make our neighbor's child tremble in fear? Aren't we doing that now? Jesus told us, "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." What a bad example we have become. God must look down in utter grief...I am ashamed.
Father, lead us to a place where we think, love and act like Your Son...lest we remove His name completely from our title as followers of Him.
Once we were safe in our car, and driving away from the loud boom's he was back to his usual fearless self. It got me thinking what a life like that might be like. The loud boom's we were looking at were entertainment, by choice, completely safe. What if it wasn't? What if Solomon's everyday was filled with loud boom's that could actually kill him, or Will, or me. I began to think, mourn and ache for children, families, who fall asleep, everynight, to the fear I saw in Solomon's eyes for less than a minute. How would I feel if "war" became more than just a word that we use to describe a land far far away? Most of us just sit here, taking our safety for granted. Do we ever take the time to imagine what it must be like over there, right now? Do we imagine what we would say to our sweet babies at night, to help them feel safe? Do we imagine what we would say when our husbands went to work, the grocery store, out to get the mail, in case we never saw them again? This is how we should be thinking..."whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done to me"...I assure you, these are far from "the least" of these, and we find it paining us to even think of them...much less love them as we love ourselves. Would be bomb our own children? Would we make our neighbor's child tremble in fear? Aren't we doing that now? Jesus told us, "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." What a bad example we have become. God must look down in utter grief...I am ashamed.
Father, lead us to a place where we think, love and act like Your Son...lest we remove His name completely from our title as followers of Him.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
No Thanks...
Ugh...so one of John McCain's top advisers said, what would really be good for John McCains campaign would be another terrorist attack on America, in Fortune Magazine.
Not my idea of a good future four years.
Not my idea of a good future four years.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Treated Like a Celebrity???
This weekend we went to Ngoma which happens to be the only place in the US that I know about where I can get Matooke...a Ugandan delicacy that is absolutely fabulous! I miss Uganda a lot and it's nice to have such a fabulous meal every now and then...
On the drive home I saw a billboard for Rodeo Drive Cosmetic Surgery. All it said was, "We have treated everyone, like a celebrity..." gag... I was repulsed...still am.
It was ironic in a way. Memories flooding my mind of all the time I have spent in Africa (Uganda, Rwanda, Sudan). Remembering a time where every breath I took felt like it had meaning. Caring for orphans widows and some of the most amazing survivors that I have ever/will ever meet... and then smack!! "we can hack your face up to look like a celebrity" wow...I truly don't have anything else to say about it. it just makes my heart sad...
On the drive home I saw a billboard for Rodeo Drive Cosmetic Surgery. All it said was, "We have treated everyone, like a celebrity..." gag... I was repulsed...still am.
It was ironic in a way. Memories flooding my mind of all the time I have spent in Africa (Uganda, Rwanda, Sudan). Remembering a time where every breath I took felt like it had meaning. Caring for orphans widows and some of the most amazing survivors that I have ever/will ever meet... and then smack!! "we can hack your face up to look like a celebrity" wow...I truly don't have anything else to say about it. it just makes my heart sad...
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
War War and More War
My dreaming last night was just awful. I need acupuncture!!! It really helps with nightmares!
I feel like the entire night was just dream after dream of me and some portion of my family being in the midst of war torn territory. It was horrible. Constant fear, constant hiding, constant running. I kept waking myself up and trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't have to continue the nightmare...but I just kept falling back into.
I woke up just feeling heavy. I have brought a child into the world amidst the wars that are going on and it has me passionate to do something about it. Collectively, as people, as a country, as a world, as a whole, we can bring about peace by just shifting our consciousness and being present. We can bring ourselves to now individually and in turn make world wide changes. I need this. Our world needs this on so many levels. I just don't know how to channel my passion and my mission into "convincing" others that peace is a necessity. All I can do is be present I suppose, set a standard and let my life shine. Lord help me...
Solomon woke up in a hissy this morning. I brought him home this cool "Mack" truck and motorcycle from Disneyland yesterday. He woke up crying, which isn't normal, but was yelling, through tears, "MACK!!!!! CYCLE!!!!!!!!!!!" So I went to get him up and he started thrashing and kicking saying, "NOOOO DADDY DO IT!!!!!" Ugh...good morning to you too sunshine! It's like he senses that Will has work/school and just doesn't want anything to do with me! He does all that he can to distract Will to keep him here. I feel sad for him because I know it is really hard to have such a good daddy who is gone so much. At the same time, I always feel like chopped liver, whatever that means. I spend my whole day with him giving him every ounce I can...and I get the daddy-do-it-card every single day!
Silence is now here, ah nap time. I must go indulge in the sickness that is watching the bachelorette...(cringes! yet is secretly excited)
I feel like the entire night was just dream after dream of me and some portion of my family being in the midst of war torn territory. It was horrible. Constant fear, constant hiding, constant running. I kept waking myself up and trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't have to continue the nightmare...but I just kept falling back into.
I woke up just feeling heavy. I have brought a child into the world amidst the wars that are going on and it has me passionate to do something about it. Collectively, as people, as a country, as a world, as a whole, we can bring about peace by just shifting our consciousness and being present. We can bring ourselves to now individually and in turn make world wide changes. I need this. Our world needs this on so many levels. I just don't know how to channel my passion and my mission into "convincing" others that peace is a necessity. All I can do is be present I suppose, set a standard and let my life shine. Lord help me...
Solomon woke up in a hissy this morning. I brought him home this cool "Mack" truck and motorcycle from Disneyland yesterday. He woke up crying, which isn't normal, but was yelling, through tears, "MACK!!!!! CYCLE!!!!!!!!!!!" So I went to get him up and he started thrashing and kicking saying, "NOOOO DADDY DO IT!!!!!" Ugh...good morning to you too sunshine! It's like he senses that Will has work/school and just doesn't want anything to do with me! He does all that he can to distract Will to keep him here. I feel sad for him because I know it is really hard to have such a good daddy who is gone so much. At the same time, I always feel like chopped liver, whatever that means. I spend my whole day with him giving him every ounce I can...and I get the daddy-do-it-card every single day!
Silence is now here, ah nap time. I must go indulge in the sickness that is watching the bachelorette...(cringes! yet is secretly excited)
Friday, May 2, 2008
In The Words of My Husband...
Deconditioning: A Process
by will
There is a difference between deconditioning and propaganda. when the people around you all are asleep and you wake someone up out of fragmentation, of "we are better", of hate, of war, that is deconditioning. propaganda is the status quo. the norm to quiet the masses.
amber and I were at disney land with my mom and solomon this past week, and we over heard on different occasions parents telling their kids, people telling people about "terrorists"..this was not a coincidence, its an integral part to the consciousness of society...if you tell someone over and over again of terror and terrorists thats propaganda. if you wake them up and realize fear is an illusion, and the powers of this world have created an illusory monster, you decondition.
if you are taught to fear and demonize the gay community because you are taught to give freedom only to people like yourself because i mean, God forbid if all people have a right to freedom under the constitution to love and solidify that love under the law of this counry. if you use (weakly) a few scriptures to pervert its intent while ignoring thousands of other verses applicable to your life. when you read the scripture in a consciousness of vendetta and contempt you will see only vendetta and contempt while blinded to internal change. always pointing the finger anywhere but inward. if you are woken up from this fragmented dream, you are awake not propagandized.
rich mullens, the author of the worship song "awesome God", who was killed in a car crash years ago said something very profound, ill paraphrase. He said to a church, you guys are into the born again thing, which is great, becaue jesus told a guy that you must be, but if you tell me I have to be in order to get into heaven, ill tell you you have to sell all of your belongings because jesus said this to another guy. But I guess thats why God created high lighters, so we can underline the parts we like and ignore the parts we dont.
brothers and sisters, deconditioning ourselves to a place of unconditonal love should be our objective and not feared. a love that knows no conditions. transcending illusory externalities. throwing away the politicising of random verses while missing the point. Seeing the good in others is very hard for me, but its also necessary for me. I have been forgiven and given much. so i should forgive and give much. without love, i have nothing. Jesus says in Revelations his followers had "abandoned the Love you had"
Some our threatened and fear Love (for others not for themselves) because they think its weak and wimpy and the other L word (liberal), in effect proverbially spitting on their Creator. Love is a dynamic force of power. Love is pervading and intense. Love is revolutionary. The "world" (by that I mean physicality and everyone who puts their faith in it) hates Love. Of course their is a time for judgement. But its about balance, and we are so out of balance with Love, we have alot of balancing to do and we are not even called to judge but only to Love.
Fear causes blockages my friends. it causes war in our hearts which causes war in our homes which causes war globally. When we realize this fear (or pride/hate etc which are all manifestations of the ego/flesh) that we say is us but is not, when we realize it is divisive, we will shine. When we realize this fear which we worship is satanic and not even real, we will learn to let go and not be defined by something we think is a part of our being but in truth does not exist. we shall be set free.
amen.selah.
by will
There is a difference between deconditioning and propaganda. when the people around you all are asleep and you wake someone up out of fragmentation, of "we are better", of hate, of war, that is deconditioning. propaganda is the status quo. the norm to quiet the masses.
amber and I were at disney land with my mom and solomon this past week, and we over heard on different occasions parents telling their kids, people telling people about "terrorists"..this was not a coincidence, its an integral part to the consciousness of society...if you tell someone over and over again of terror and terrorists thats propaganda. if you wake them up and realize fear is an illusion, and the powers of this world have created an illusory monster, you decondition.
if you are taught to fear and demonize the gay community because you are taught to give freedom only to people like yourself because i mean, God forbid if all people have a right to freedom under the constitution to love and solidify that love under the law of this counry. if you use (weakly) a few scriptures to pervert its intent while ignoring thousands of other verses applicable to your life. when you read the scripture in a consciousness of vendetta and contempt you will see only vendetta and contempt while blinded to internal change. always pointing the finger anywhere but inward. if you are woken up from this fragmented dream, you are awake not propagandized.
rich mullens, the author of the worship song "awesome God", who was killed in a car crash years ago said something very profound, ill paraphrase. He said to a church, you guys are into the born again thing, which is great, becaue jesus told a guy that you must be, but if you tell me I have to be in order to get into heaven, ill tell you you have to sell all of your belongings because jesus said this to another guy. But I guess thats why God created high lighters, so we can underline the parts we like and ignore the parts we dont.
brothers and sisters, deconditioning ourselves to a place of unconditonal love should be our objective and not feared. a love that knows no conditions. transcending illusory externalities. throwing away the politicising of random verses while missing the point. Seeing the good in others is very hard for me, but its also necessary for me. I have been forgiven and given much. so i should forgive and give much. without love, i have nothing. Jesus says in Revelations his followers had "abandoned the Love you had"
Some our threatened and fear Love (for others not for themselves) because they think its weak and wimpy and the other L word (liberal), in effect proverbially spitting on their Creator. Love is a dynamic force of power. Love is pervading and intense. Love is revolutionary. The "world" (by that I mean physicality and everyone who puts their faith in it) hates Love. Of course their is a time for judgement. But its about balance, and we are so out of balance with Love, we have alot of balancing to do and we are not even called to judge but only to Love.
Fear causes blockages my friends. it causes war in our hearts which causes war in our homes which causes war globally. When we realize this fear (or pride/hate etc which are all manifestations of the ego/flesh) that we say is us but is not, when we realize it is divisive, we will shine. When we realize this fear which we worship is satanic and not even real, we will learn to let go and not be defined by something we think is a part of our being but in truth does not exist. we shall be set free.
amen.selah.
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