How Great Is Our God...

The last four days have been spent at sweet Solomon's side. He got the stomach flu and it has NOT been easy as his mother, watching it. Its seems trivial really. He vomited about 10 times on Monday. Tuesday he had a 103 fever with no throwing up or diarrhea. He didn't want to touch a toy, be in a lit room, watch any TV (which is EXTREMELY out of character...we have TV limits in our house and he pushes them EVERYDAY) or even move (also, extremely out of character). Wednesday was his weakest day. He had the worst diarrhea ever...like I hate to be gross, but it was like a force of nature I have never ever seen...and it was all water!!!! He couldn't get out of bed, or, brace yourself, its sad, even lift his little head. He slept for almost the entire day...and I had to carry him back and forth to the bathroom like 8 times at least. Yesterday evening he asked me for a waffle with peanut better, and while I knew it wouldn't be the easiest thing on his stomach, it had been days since he ate and I was willing to risk it. He ate the entire thing and drank some water...and right after that I started to see a little twinkle in his eyes. His fragile little voice started engaging me in conversation...I could tell we had reached a light in this tunnel. Today, he is still extremely weak...he can take a few wobbly steps but is still so stinking limp. He ate a few bites of waffle this morning, puked, and then ate a few more. He still has diarrhea and is definitely more of a grump than he has been in these past 4 days (which is a sign of improvement). I put him in the stroller for awhile and we walked. I cannot tell you (unless of course you live in somewhere that has all four seasons) what it is like to experience TRUE spring. The air is unlike ANYTHING I have ever breathed. The weather is AMAZING! I am so grateful. After our walk, we sat outside for a bit and painted. Here are some of my gorgeous sons shots.

Resembling somewhat of a grumpy little Andy Warhol

Um, do we LOVE the yellow aviators???? Yes, yes we do!!!

Deep in thought...what a masterpiece.

Solomon is currently napping and I am hoping and praying that this will all be over soon...

Which brings me to my heavy heart. Mckmama's blog is a place I have been frequenting lately for updates on little Stellan. Watching Solomon in pain, as minimal as a little ol' stomach flu, found me actually grateful. I knew it would pass. I knew he would be ok. I knew that soon, he would be his charming, stubborn wild little self...what a peace I had. What a sadness engulfed me, not even SLIGHTLY being able to fathom what Jennifer and the rest of Stellans family are going through. There are her posts where she is had it and she is pissed off (UH, RIGHTFULLY SO!!!!) but her theme is seeing the glory of the Lord rising around her. I don't know that I would ever be able to be in that place. She is a testament of the women God wants us all to be, of this I am sure...I am confident that she falls short on plenty of occasions, but what a witness to the fullness and faithfulness of the God of all that is. I am deeply grieved yet richly blessed by her current situation...my heart cried out to God, begging that He enact his will and offer strength for those to endure it...

How great is our God...in everything.


(Side Note** Just started reading Death By Church: Rescuing Jesus From His Followers. By Mike Erre. WOW...you should get it and read it...AWESOME! so far)

Victimhood and Perspective

A lot has been weighing heavy on my lately...in fact, Im sure that I will not get through this blog without weeping.

I will be the first to admit that I very often put myself in a role of the "victim." My mom is wicked, my husband doesn't stick up for me all the times that I think he should, I have to do without so much, Solomon is extremely active and wears me out and I never get breaks...blah blah blah... Even on this blog, which I use as an outlet of emotional expression at times, it must get a little annoying to read about how "woe is me" I am always feeling. There are people in my life who have this same problem, and I find myself wanting to completely bow out gracefully because I just cannot take it when it seems someones identity is solely a big ol' victim. The truth of the matter is this...everyone has "hard lives" ...but do I? Do we? Bad mom blah blah blah...get over it...move on. Love her despite herself. Build the relationship that you CAN have instead of pinning over what you may never have...because there is a good chance that we may all find ourselves in similar situations in the future...and I know that if I hurt my son, I don't want to be hated...I want to be loved, forgiven, and I need to offer that same thing to my own mother.

Do we have it rough? Of course some people do...but perspective...wow, has that been hitting me hard lately. As people (especially from the West) I think we find ourselves being a little egocentric. There aren't many people who take into account the lives of others, especially those around the world. Sitting and wallowing, as I often do, can be sobered up right quick if you allow yourself to start thinking of others...allow me to give some examples of people in my own life.

When I first visited Uganda in 1999, my dearest (British) friend, Sophie, a nurse, was taking me for a tour in one of the local hospitals. Kiwoko Hopspital is actually a really nice facility considering it's in the middle of the bush. As we wandered around we started hearing the cry of what was obviously a very small baby. We followed her cry and I gasped when we found her. She was in a room, alone, on a woven mat laid on the concrete floor. She was covered from head to toe in bandages that were covered in yellow puss and slime. She was a burn victim, alone, in pain, infected, with no one to comfort and hold her. She couldn't have been more than 3-4 months old. Who knows how long she had be laying there alone and crying. Who knows if anyone would ever come for her. I wept there on my knees. I felt ill and had to go outside to breathe. This was the worst thing I had ever seen....but for this little baby, it was just reality...

Perspective.

I little boy I know, who in 1999, was 8 years old and blind in one eye. He fell several stories out of a mango tree and a branch pierced through his eye and destroyed his optic nerve. He was walking me home one night, holding my hand and I said, "Muyango, are you ever angry at God for Him allowing you to fall and lose your eye site?" His answer just about caused me to faint... "No Auntie Amber. I actually feel that God loves me more than I ever knew...I could have died, but instead, God saved my life and only took away the eye site of one eye." Eight years old folks...

Perspective.

When I lived in Uganda in 2001, I was visiting someone in the hospital and next to me in the childrens ward was a teeny tiny baby girl. Her caretaker was with her. I asked how she was and why she was there... While her mother had been working in the garden, someone had come into her home and raped her 6 month old baby girl. They didn't know if she would live or not.

Perspective.

My friend, Sennyonjo, watched his family murdered by rebel soldiers. Sisters raped and killed. Brother and father stabbed with a machete right before his young 9 year old eyes.

Perspective.

Adrienne, who lost 5 babies to miscarriages, just endured a failed adoption. I've wept for her because I cannot imagine how terrible that feels. It's such a sad story and it really breaks my heart just to think about it.

Perspective.

My lifelong friend, Charlene, after trying to get pregnant for so long, lost the baby and almost died due to a tubal pregnancy...and then not long after lost her mother suddenly.

Perspective.

My sweet, precious friend Abby, on the night before thanksgiving was told that her 6 month old nephew, Noah, had died in his sleep. His mommy, Rebecca, had laid him down for a nap and checked on him periodically...the last time she checked on him he was face down and blue. The paramedics came and tried to revive him but could not. What was it like for her to find her baby in his crib, lifeless, gone, never to cry, smile, laugh again? What was it like to see the paramedics trying to revive him, thinking "of course they will be able to" only to see them fail? What does it feel like every night to know that when you wake up, he still wont be there. How do you explain to their toddler, Emma, that her little brother is gone? How does his daddy, Richard, live everyday without his little baby boy? How did Rebecca watch Noah be taken away to know that he would never be coming back? This is a family that is so close and loving and sensitive and wonderful and I have cried everyday since finding this horrible news out on Wednesday in tears, praying and finding little to no consolation.

Perspective.

Even though I never got to meet Noah, my heart has been broken in a way I had never imagined by this loss. It has broken me and sobered me and put life into perspective for me. It put me into a spiral...thinking of all those JUST in my life who have actual tragedies. Having a mother who makes mistakes and fails me a lot, is NOT a tragedy. Its something to just get over, and move on from. It made me confident that no matter what goes on in most of our lives, we can always find someone who has it much harder. God is my refuge and my strength and in ALL things He is in control. Its really hard to believe when peoples children are being taken from them, and little babies are getting raped and children are starving to death and seeing their parents murdered...why does all of this happen? I can't understand it but I am trying my hardest to pull myself out of all pity parties and put things into perspective...

Life has changed for me...let me never forget it.

Perspective...whats yours?

URGENT!!! PLEASE PRAY...

We just received news that our dear friends, Abby and Jonathon, lost there sweet little 6 month old nephew Noah. (At first we heard that it was Abby and Jonathons little 2 month old baby...what a terrible time to get some false information!!!) We don't have details, but Abby's brother and sister in law, Richard and Becca, lost there son in his sleep today. I cannot even begin to imagine what this incredible family is going through. This is a wonderful family who we love with all of our hearts and we are deeply grieving with them. Please pray for Richard, Becca, and their 2 year old daughter Emma...as well as the rest of the Teagarden family and all who know and love this family...

May God touch them deeply and hold them close and they mourn such a tragic and precious loss...

Bri

This entry is going to be the hardest one I have ever written.

I post this some time ago. My best friend, Sara, has had Brianna since last October (or around there.) She is 7, and I adore her with my whole heart. She is the first person, outside of our family that Solomon recognized, loved and talked about non-stop. She would cuddle him, try to wrap him up in his blanket (which didn't go over very well, condidering he's a very active little big), and he adores her like he adores no one else. I feel like I have this connection to her...I cannot explain it, but, aside from Solomon, no other child has touch me the way she has. I love her so much!

She has had a slew of issues well before she was given to Sara (Sara also fosters and is in the process of adopting 2 of her other sisters, Melody, 5, and Kimberly 20 months. She has had both of them since Dec 2006). In the first two weeks of Bri being with Sara she was put in a psyciatric hospital on a 14 day hold for suicide attempts. It has been a really long road for Sara. She has constant episode with Bri, where she literally consumes every ounce of her strenght, causing Melody and Kimberly to fade to the background. Bri is violet, hits, kicks, bites, throws things, screams, tries to hurt her sisters, kicks the living crap out of Sara, becomes like a tornadoe and just rips through the house. Sara has to restrian her in, what looks like a straight jakcet hold for up to 15 minutes at a time to keep her from harming herself and others. Sara is an angel. I don't know how she does...did I mention she is single...yeah...again, I really don't know how she does it.

Things with Bri have been getting progressivly worse, where there are no triggers and each fit bring a new high. She used to be very remorsful, now, she isn't. Tuesday, Solomon and I went to Sara's to hang out with her and the girls, go the park and just have a nice day together. We all started piling into our cars to head for the park and Bri starts complaining that she doesn't want to sit in a damp seat. The day before, she purposfully poured a bottle full of water in her sisters seat because she was mad at Sara, and was told that because she made that choice, until the seat was dry, she would be the one sitting there. Anyway, Solomon wanted her to come in our car, she the potential blow out was avoided there. We stopped at Jamba Juice b/c I hadn't had breakfast, and while I was inside Bri started ranting about how unfair it was that she didn't get to have a Jamba and she was mouthing off to Sara. I told Sara (who I was following) that I would have a talk with her. I firmly told her that she had two choices. She changed her attitude, apologized to her mom, and acted kind, or we would go home and she would sit in her room. She said she wanted to apologize and she did. We played at the park for a long time. Bri started complaining that she doesn't want to play with her sisters, Solomon, or me or her mom, she wants someone her age. Sara and I both said we were Sara that she was unhappy but there were lots of kida to play with and she needed to be thankful for that. We gave a 10 minute warning before leaving and here, my friends, is where it began.

"Mom, I AM NOT sitting in a wet seat!!!" (I was going home straight from the park)

Sara looks at me and mouths, "Greeat! Now what do I do?"

We talk about it for a second and decide since we want Bri to succeed, we let her know that if she has an attitude change, and talks kindly, we will find a blanket or towel for her to sit on.

Sara calls, "Bri come here sweetie."

NO!

I say, "Brianna, your mom called you. Get up and come here please."

NO!


I say, "Take Solomon, I'll get her over here." Ha...so I think.


I give her 2 choices, come when she is called or get a consequence, she goes.

Sara explains that if she changes her attitude we will keep her from being wet with a towel or blanket. She says, "I am NOT choosing ANY OF THOSE" and proceeds to kick her mom in the shins and run away.

Sara walks away, comes to me and both of hearts begin to pump a little faster. This isn't the first episode that I have been present for, but it's been awhile...they are more infuriating that I can adequatly express. Never have I wanted to knock a 7 year old upside the head more... It is jsut so rude, so defiant, so angry, no matter how kind you are, how much time you give her, how many choices you offer her, how stern you are, literally, everyone has tried everything!

Bri climbs to the highest point of the jungle gym...this is the place that encloses the highest slide, so that sweet little ones do not get hurt, and she is, indeed, on TOP of it. Sara tells her to get down. MAGIC, she listens. I think she was a little afraid. Im holding Kimberly, Melody is playing momma to Solomon, and Sara is pleading/demanding that Bri come to the car because it is time to leave. She is getting nasty no's from Bri. Sara climbs the jungle gym, I stand at the bottom of the slide with Kimberly in tow, and we pretty much flush her out. By this time, Sara and I are devestated, sad, angry, pretty much wanting to collapse and cry. I grab Bri by the arm until sweet Sara crawls through tunnels, braves bouncy bridges, and makes it down the slide. Bri instant unleashes all furry on Sara with kick, punches, "I don't have to listen to you"'s, scratches, hair pulling and any other pain causing action she can manage to get in on the 20 second walk to the car. Sara is trying to carry the 7 y/o turned attack animal, protect her from hurting her and herself, and let's just say she is out of breath and sweating in about 20 seconds. Bri is flailing...and completely out of control. It is like something takes her over...it's the only way I can explain it.

I, while somehow holding Kimberly and Solomon, take Kimberly's carseat, load it into my car, get both toddlers and Melody buckeled up, and all the while Sara is still trying to negotiate a plan with Bri to get her into her car. She gives her another mintue to decide and then asks for my help to get her into the car. We put all the child locks on (as she has attempted jumping from a moving car before) and as she tries to attack both of us, the secure her arms and legs and spend a good bit of a struggle trying to get her into the car. (there isn't really a happy or funny side to the story, but on a lighter note, I cannot imagine what the other mom's at the perk were thinking about us!!!)

Once Bri is "safely" into the car, Sara starts to drive. I immediately follow. I can see, from a few car lengths behind Sara's car, Bri kicking and punching Sara full force. She pulled out a huge chunk of hair and proceeded to play with the hair for a moment. She tried to rip Sara's earrings out. I am seeing Sara swerving, trying to avoid Bri's attacks. This 7 year old has more rage in her than most 26 year old's can imagine...and rightly so. She has a drug addict birth mother, who has no parental rights, gave her up, and God only knows what kind of abuse she has endured from men in her birth mothers life, and any of the ohter horrible adults in her life that have caused her heart to be so maimed.

Melody told me on the drive home, "I get so angry at Bri when she acts like this Auntie Amber!!!"

"I know baby. I am angry right now too. It's ok to be angry. What happens to your anger?"

I just hold it all in until it disappears..." Uhhh...yikes...serious issues, creating more serious issues.

We pulled up to Sara's and Bri wwould not stop hitting her. Sara was hysterically crying. She has called the social worker and he was on his way. I get the other kdis in the house and start making lunch for everyone. Sara calls from outside, where we have to, again, with all of our might, restrain/drag her into her room. She had the chance to walk in. She chose otherwise. Sara had to sit in her room with her, in the "straight jacket pose" for about 30 minutes.

When the social worker got there...his advise was beyond useless. He said she should have done the straight jackt pose at the park. I don't think it was really my place but I couldn't take it. "Wait she has a toddler. She can't be having a physical brawl for up to 3 hours at a park while her other kids take off." He said he knew it wasn't practical but... and but was about all he had to say. No practical solutions at all!!! I was furious. These should be the people helping her, giving her solutions...NOTHING!!! Apparently it has always been like this...I had no idea. I felt like a lousey friend.

Sara ended up talking to another socail worker who asked if she wanted an honest opinion...UH YEAH!!! She told Sara and Bri will be a teen that pulls a knife on her. It is extremely unsafe for Sara and the other girls for her to be living there and if Sara hadn't wanted to adopt Bri, they would have taken her out of Sara's home after the first incident!!! Wow...ok...well there were some very obvious miscommunications...but at least everyone was on the same page now...

I got a text from Sara t bout 7 pm. "I cannot believe this. Bri is having another massive fit. My mom just got her and 2 social workers are on thier way."

You're kidding? No... Bri was trying to light the house on fire using the burners from the stove, and any random thing she could find to throw on the stove...so after a warning Sara had to restrain her again!!! Bri bit her so hard that she bled. Sara's mom helped her out some and when the social workers got there, they decided she would go to a respite home until they can all have a meeting. Bri will likely not be returning to Sara.

I am angry. I am angry at all the adult who have injured Bri. She is only 7. She, in a perfect world deserves more than she will ever know. I am angry that she wont let people love her. I am angry that her heart is broken. I am angry that Sara has put her life on hold to help this little girl who will not allow anyone to help her! I am angry that Bri hurts Sara so deeply. I am angry that Bri's sisters are feeling pain because of her actions. I am angry because I am going to miss Bri with my entire heart...I love her so much...and I am completely devastated. Those three girls are the only "nieces" that I have and I will miss her terribly!!!

I am at peace. I know that Sara has done far beyond what she ever could have tried. I know that Bri needs something far more than I think ANY one person can offer...she needs an army of people! I am at peace because I know God has his hand on her. I know that only He can heal her little shattered heart. I am at peace because I know that God's strength is big enough for all of us to tap into and help us get through this hard time...Oh God help us...we love her so much!!!



****UPDATE*****
Please pray for Jen and Justin lost a close friend, Chris Laurie, in a car accident today. He leaves behind a wife, Brittany, who is 6 months pregnant and a 2 year old, Stella. Please pray for them!! Their lives will never been the same...

I Will Carry You

I have been on a very tragic journey of sorts, with a complete stranger, and I just cannot hold it in any more. I have "met" Angie, by traipsing around on blog after blog, and the story that she has been telling, and has invited me (and the rest of the world) to share with her, has really consumed me. I am dreaming about her and her family. I think about them all day long. I am sharing in her pain and grief. I just feel as though I have this dear friend who has suffered tremendously, and I cannot be there to comfort her. She is an incredible woman and has done a tremendous job enduring the horrific trials that have been laid before her. I want there to be more that I can do for her, aside from pray, and be so thankful for what I have been graciously given by my wonderful and amazing God. I wish I could watch her kids for her while she went out, or go have coffee with her and tell her that she is brave...so brave. Pray is all I can give her and sometimes it just doesn't seem like enough.

As I have followed Angie's story, I have been completely overwhelmed by her incredible bravery. She is so brave. I can barely find the strength to live through some of my pretty uneventful days...yet she so willingly and with so much strength, just endures, trusting that God will see her through. It has been such an example to me, of the strength that I can tap into, if I really want it.

I have been shown what an unbelievable miracle...I must pause a minute: I have always heard "the miracle of life" and believed it, I guess, but I had a baby. I didn't seem so miraculous...but now, after hearing and seeing Angie's story, and suddenly hearing many many similar ones, I cannot stop thanking God for my beautiful, healthy, wonderful-in-every-way, baby boy. He is all that I could have ever asked for (ok maybe in my perfect dream, he would have listened a little better and had a few less tantrums haha) and I am so thankful for my miracle. He is truly that...and I cannot imagine life without him.

Angie's story is a beautiful one. it is one of the hardest things I have ever "been apart of." But I truly challenge you to read her story, and share it. It requires bravery just to read it, but it will change your life. Start at the beginning...it's only been a few months, and the story deserves to be told...

Treated Like a Celebrity???

This weekend we went to Ngoma which happens to be the only place in the US that I know about where I can get Matooke...a Ugandan delicacy that is absolutely fabulous! I miss Uganda a lot and it's nice to have such a fabulous meal every now and then...

On the drive home I saw a billboard for Rodeo Drive Cosmetic Surgery. All it said was, "We have treated everyone, like a celebrity..." gag... I was repulsed...still am.

It was ironic in a way. Memories flooding my mind of all the time I have spent in Africa (Uganda, Rwanda, Sudan). Remembering a time where every breath I took felt like it had meaning. Caring for orphans widows and some of the most amazing survivors that I have ever/will ever meet... and then smack!! "we can hack your face up to look like a celebrity" wow...I truly don't have anything else to say about it. it just makes my heart sad...

Honored To Know Her

I have been more than a recluse lately. Its been an interesting time and I just don't know how to relate with the world at the moment. I almost feel like I have no where to go and even if I did, the last thing I want to do is sit and rehash everything. But I am going to try to get a little out here...hopefully it works.



My gramma died one week ago Tuesday. It was a horrificly painful process to watch and see and experience. She has been a step away from death, so it seemed, for 3 years now. Minor heart attacks everyday, MD's saying "take as much morphin as you want" because she was just that close. She was an inspiration to everyone who knew her, being so sick and still making it to her bolwing team two times a week, still bending over backwards for everyone she knew. Even as she was slowly starting to forget things, people, important dates, you just knew that her endless love and self sacrifice was still there...dispite the glossy look that came over her eyes. It was hard for me to spend time with her. She would get so frustrated if she would forget and I just hated seeing her like that. I didn't see her much lately...but I don't feel guilty about that. She knew how much I loved her and how thankful I was/am that she was SUCH a MASSIVE part of my life. The funeral was harder to get through than I thought. I thought, because she was in so much pain, that I would feel a sense of relief for her, she is finally in heaven and the feet of God, where she wanted to go...yet somehow, I was still stuck with grief every so often, having trouble sleeping. When we walked into the church I saw her beautiful pictures and casket and I just started to cry. My dad got up and spoke through tears, my aunt Laurie spoke through tears and then Adam sang the song he wrote for her...it was hard...really hard.

My mother in law is here visitng so it has been a bit of a hectic few days. Solomon and I both came down with colds and had to stay home from Disneyland yesterday which is terribly sad. He is still congested but I am feel tons better...THANK YOU ACUPUNCTURE!!! I think we will have a nice visit. She is here for a week and its nice to have her here.

Funkdified!

Fink Funk Funk... That is me at the moment. I don't know how to shake it. I really want to get to a better place emotionally but I seem to get like this every few weeks or so. I just become suddenly launched into overload, emotionally, physically and any other possible way that I could get overloaded. Several things are taking place within me...

First is my lovely child who has been a but of a hellion lately. I try so hard to be patient with him, explain things to him, respect him as a person, and give and give and give my whole self to him. Well this week, it seems it's not enough. EVERYTHING is a knock down drag out fight. Everything is "NO" and fit after fit...screaming flailing tantrums. Example: "Solomon, come help momma pick up your toys please." "NO" I get up, go over, pick him up to standing, "We don't tell momma NO, we get up and come when momma tells you to." I walk him over to the toy area and he drops to the floor and kick and phoney bologna cries about. I tell him we don't act that way but he continues to refuse helping me put his stinking cars in their home so I break down into tears because I have just had it. I scoop up all of his toys and take them to a place that he can't get to and just say, "Since you wont help clean your toys up, you cannot play with them anymore today." I didn't handle it the best way. I didn't know what to do. The whole day had been chalked full of these situations and I just lost it emotionally. Will walked in the door at 9pm and I said, "Does anyone you know want a little boy????" jokingly of course (well sort of) But I have no help, no babysitters, no assistance, its just me and Solomon so I do get these choking moments...where I just need out...only for an hour or so but with Will's schedule it rarely happens.

Another issue is image. Yesterday was a particularly horrifying day. Everytime I walked my the mirror I just bawled my eyes out. I still cannot accept what my body has become since having Solomon. I have been working my butt off at the gym (well I took a week or so off but before that) doing 60-90 mins a day of intense cardio with what seems to be no results. I hate what I see. This saggy kangaroo pouch that is now my stomach has got to go! I just feel defeated, like a complete failure. Why can't I just complete this task? I need to lose 30 lbs. And note to self, avoid at all costs (although I can't think of much I could have done differently) gaining 60lbs during a next pregnancy!!!! AHHHHH...I'm a weepy mess. I hate weigth, I hate food, but msot of all, I hate feeling unlovable because of my appearance...this brings me to my next issue.

I am toiling with the issue of having a little girl. I don't know that I will have a girl but if I did, I seriously question my ability to mother a little girl. I have very unhealthy self-esteem and I never want another girl on this planet to feel this way...much less accidentally raise a child to feel the same why. I have just started reading "Captivating" so maybe that will have some insight for me.

I know in a week I will feel better. (My mom is home for the week...that always makes everything harder. Seeing as how we live in her guest house!!!) My mom and I have had a huge fight every day this week, so that is a blast. Nine months until we move...nine months until we move...I just keep repeating that. I miss Will. He is gone constantly...I curse that school!!!! Why do they steal him from me!!!?!?!?! Not fair. Again, nine more months! I will finish this season out...and begin a new chapter. I cannot wait.

I am trying to be strong. I just feel lonely and defeated. This too shall pass...of this I am sure.

Sadness, Sickness, Sweetness

Where do I start? Christine's memorial was Friday. It was quite possibly the worst thing ever...I mean it was a beautiful ceremony but it was horrible, sad, I cried the entire time. This woman, she got it! She understood what life was about. Truely, I feel that if she had another 5 minutes on this earth, she was be able to say, "No I don't really have any regrets." The testament of her life proclaimed this loudly. Her children, my friends, stood to talk about how if she say a homeless person she would rush to the grocery store, by them groceries and take them to the person, offer to take them to her house so that she could cook them a hot meal. She loved to paint and garden and cook.
Her best friend told this story: Christine came to visit me last year. Everyday I would come home from work and she would have dinner made from scratch. We would laugh and giggle like only girls can do. One evening I came home and my walk way was lined in purple pansies...they weren't there when I left. She met me at the door with that huge "Christine smile" on her face and said, "Come look in the back yard." She filled my backyard with tons of panies, lined my rose garden with panies and then said, "There is another surprise for you...but you wont know what it is until spring." Well it's sping...my yard is FULL of daffodils...and Christine is gone...but everytime I look out my window, she is there...I remember her.
I have a memory of Christine and the type of mother that she was. I remember her kids and my siblings and I were looking for some summer fun/trouble. She let us climb to the top of her massive old station wagon, slide down the wind shield and off the hood while someone was hosing it down to make it super slippery. What a blast...my parents would NEVER allow such fun. She cared for her kids in such a way that I want to follow...what an amazing woman. Lord let me never forget what an impact this has had on my life...never ever

I came down with a fever on Saturday. Will had Chiro Board Exams the entire weekend (boo hiss!!!) so Solomon and I went to church without him. On the drive hom my nose was running like crazy and I just felt like I got hit by a truck...in one hour I went from feeling fine to completely horrible. Sunday was a beast. I slept almost the whole day, but since I was with Solomon that wasn't a good thing...woopsie...I kept waking up in a complete panic...WHERE IS MY CHILD...whew...he is right there...not fun. I still feel not so good but I am hoping that it will clear by tomorrow...

Solomon has become a mocking bird. He repeats EVERYTHING...its a blast. He has been such a wonderful joy lately. He always is, but just extra funny and playful and fantastic. We are getting him the BPH-A free sippy cups and bottles...and I just got his BPH-A free binkies in the mail today, so I am excited about that...hopefully he likes them.