Uprooted and Four

Who ever said "Home is where the heart is" is a big fat liar.

18 months ago, Will, Solomon and an in utero version of Shiloh and I moved from sunny Southern California to Western Pennsylvania.  I was excited.  We were all excited (mixed with EXTREME sadness) for what we thought would be a new and exciting adventure...

It didn't quite turn out that way. 

What makes it hard is going back to California for visits, and seeing what we are missing...and then coming home to a void that cannot be filled by dear sweet Pennsylvania.  There are so many things that we love here.  The season changes (apart from that awful one that brings all that white crap that forces you to stay in the house for like 5 months straight...ugh winter!) the beautiful greenery, the way the air smells, thunder storms, and just nature in general...But when we got home to California, its just different.  Everyone is swarming around to see us.  There isn't enough time to even fit everyone in, which is just so flattering and amazing, that I nearly burst just thinking about it.  There is so much love there...and nothing can compare to that.  My kids were in heaven.  Disneyland, the beach (did I mention heaven??), family, friends, sunshine and love...doesn't get much better than that.  I just walked around Disneyland remembering going every week, pushing Solomon in his stroller.  I watched my kids just LOVE their time there and I imagined it being a time where I could live that life again.  The beach became a magical place that I can't ever remember it feeling like.  Both of the kids seriously just wallowed in the water, cracking up when the waves were crashing on them.  They literally rolled around in the sand for hours...oh how I miss it. 

It was so great to just hang out with old friends who have been apart of you for more than half of your life (woah...am I old or what???).  You don't have to be anyone or entertain...you just sit, and be.  That is a good feeling.

And family...oh family.  You are weird and coockoo, and often annoying and embarrassing ..and there are times where I probably almost hate some of you ;) but being near you was so completing...Will and I feel like we still belong there in so many ways.  Its painful to feel so out of place for so long...and its breaking my heart that my kids are missing out on so much...they deserve to have nearby what they have in California.

I am really working hard and digging deep...trying to "bloom where I am planted" but until now, I don't think I actually realized just how deeply rooted I was.  I feel like someone ripped me out of the ground, and my foundation, my roots, are still on the other side of the country.  I don't know how to right that.  I don't know if it is intentional.  All I know is that I am sad.  We are sad.  Its nothing that any one thing, or any everything could change...its just that there is a California shaped hole in our hearts and I'm pretty certain that it cannot be patched up.  My heart hurts...and Im genuinely looking for any words of support/advise that you are willing to offer...

In other much more spectacular news...Solomon is FOUR years old today...The most beautiful four year old I know.  I love him with my entire heart!!!!

Birth Day

One Wonderful Year

Two Wild Years

Three Incredible Years

Four Unbelievable Years.

Happy Pity Party Tooooo....

MEEEEEEEEE!!!

Im having a crappy day. It's my birthday. Yesterday, well it was supposed to be fabulous. Will got tickets to the ballet...Romeo et Juliet...well we bickered and I'll be honest, argued all day!!! No fun...then we made up and tried to enjoy the rest of our night...the ballet was awesome though.

Will has to work today...so I invited my two good friends over to spend the day with me...well one got sick and the other text me this morning to say she couldn't come...I started bawling my eyes out. I think Im homesick for the first time. In CA, birthdays are big deals...its kind of stupid I guess...its like you're turing 5 every year. And my birthday is always near this three day weekend so its like birthday fun all weekend, at least...but here I sit...just me and Solomon all day...with no car. Im making my own bday dinner and my own bday cake...Im sorry...Im just sad...

Its the baby's fault...right??? ;)

Birthdays And Total Awe...

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband...who is 25 today. (We are "only a year apart" for 5 months haha) He's been so sweet today. I've been trying to give him a break today, but I was feeling really ill this morning. As I started feeling better I started cleaning up our breakfast, doing dishes and the like. I dropped his favorite mug, it shattered!!! On its way to the bottom of the sink, I tried to save it, but instead just sliced my finger opened and it was bleeding forever! Its throbbing now and I'm trying to not use it...poor guy is tidying up the house and being so wonderful! We are going to get Lebanese food for lunch but I think that's all we are doing...I'm so glad I'm married to Will...Happy Birthday sweet love!

So I was poking around on facebook...and one of my "facebook-friends" commented on a picture of her friends picture (which allowed me to see the picture and the comment). I noticed that the picture was of Sarah Palin and being the politics freak (not Sarah Palin freak...just politics freak) that I am, I took a look...There was a little rally type thing in Carson, CA, which is about 20 minutes from where I live. I guess this person, who I don't know at all, went to this rally. She had tons of really close up pictures of Gov Palin, and I was thinking, "Wow what an awesome experience for this person." Then I got extremely disturbed!! This person had Sarah Palin autograph her Bible... I am so taken aback by this act that I cannot even articulate my feelings... I find it totally inappropriate and disturbing and even blasphemous. I don't know the person, I don't know what they thought they were achieving but I just found it kind of a reflexion of the strange attitude that a lot of Christians feel about politics...that you have to, in a sense, "worship" the republican candidate, even if most of their stances on politics are totally anti-Christ and His message...I think I'm going to sit on it for awhile and digest it...it was just very strange and gave me a bit of a sick feeling that Jesus came to this earth and gave all that He gave, for us, and people have so perverted it all...

Happy Birthday Will!!!

Birthday Excitement

SO SO SO sorry that I got crazy and flipped the camera around the wrong way...I always do this!!! Please...stick with me!



Our sweet friends, Patrick, Candice and their amazing daughter Jillian, got Solomon this AWESOME motorcycle for his birthday. I know I know, this is a little outdated I haven't had the time to sit down and post everything that I have wanted to in forever!!! Will's work decided to eliminate their Sunday hours, which is a big bummer in the financial area but a big horray in the "I get to see my husband" area. So here I am, posting all the things that I have wanted to post for the last month.

As you can see he was SO excited about this gift. It was the first gift he got and he was in heaven!! He loves it. He is getting really good at navagating it. he loves to compare him self to papa, my dad, who has a Harley. It is one of the most awesome gifts ever!! Thanks guys!!

Happy Birthday Solomon

(his birthday and birthday party was on June 28th)

As I have previously stated, my mom decided she wanted to throw Solomon and big 2 year bash. So...why not? We went with a Nemo theme and took it as far as little kiddo pools and slip-n-slides. Solomon had so much fun. We had to have at least 40 people here. It was pretty massive. and most of our closest friends didn't even make it...not ALL, most. I don't want to hurt any feelings.

We started out with decorating.



My mom made the cake the day before.





The swimming and slip-n-sliding was a hit!!!






Opening presents was one of the best parts...of course...








We had a blast...and were so glad for the friends and family that made it to share Solomon's special day...






We have been so blessed to have this little monkey in our lives. He is a joy to parent, and joy to love, and a miracle that we, in our wildest dreams, could have never imagined being worth of. Two wonderful years, and a life time ahead of us...we love you Solomon! Happy Birthday!

Sleepy Time and Nemo Mania

Last night was a sweet yet trying one. Solomon is having a bit of trouble with him 2-year-molars. He has had a tough time with all of his teeth and these buggers, of course, seem to be no different. He woke up once at 2am begging for "dada" and a "baba" so I hand him over. Will is so willing to get up with him at night, and its a good thing, because his mama strike is lasting forever! He woke up again at 4ish asking for the same. And then at 5:30 he was crying and crying so I got up and just forced him to love me haha. We rocked for a few minutes. He was cuddling, I was loving it. I asked him if he wanted to go lay on the love seat, on the pillow there with me. It was SOOO cold so I got some blankets and we snuggled, no, crammed onto the love seat together. For those of you who don't know, Will and I have a loft bed that is 8 ft in the air, so co-sleeping has been out of the picture ever since Solomon rolled over...hence the love seat grrr. Solomon fell asleep in minutes and there I was, awake and uncomfortable for 2 hours, until he woke up. It was really nice to cuddle with him, and sleep near him. its been such a long time since he has done that. He loves his crib and he loves to have his own space. I am grateful for that. I know its hard to get a child used to their own sleeping space and its nice that he enjoys that without having to be convinced to.

The big TWO-YEAR-PARTY-EXTRAVAGANZA is coming up soon. June 28th, Solomon will be 2. I'm very thankful... we didn't give him a 1st birthday party because he was so young and we didn't have the funds. We just went as a family to the Long Beach Aquarium, which was a BLAST!

Because of Solomon's love for fish, sharks, water, boats, bubbles and of course, Finding Nemo, we decided on a Nemo/Aquarium theme. We were debating on this or Disney Cars...but since it is summer and we are going to be outside and swimming, we decided on Nemo. I am grateful that she is doing this because we really couldn't afford it right now.

Being Born...

I haven't yet expressed how much I loved the documentary The Business of Being Born. It was just really amazing. Solomon's birth was so hard for me, even though I labored at home with my husband and doula for 12 hours...even though I had the most supportive Dr ever who was BENDING OVER BACKWARDS for me to have a natural birth. After 26 hours of hard active labor and almost 3 days of no sleep, I got the epidural. I don't regret my birth at all. We did what we did and it was a horrific and wonderful few days. I always thought "well what if it is that hard again and I need an epidural?" But after this I thought that I really would almost certainly have a home birth, or at least a midwife in the hospital...wow...what an awesome movie!

Then I found this incredible blog, The Human Pacifier, You MUST check it out!

'Bout Time

Where have I been???

May 10th- We did the AIDS WALK and what an awesome day it was. It was pretty hot. We got up early and headed down to Angel Stadium. It was a 3 mile walk. Solomon was in his stroller and it was such a blast. Allow me to digress for a moment. A man, oh a man, was perched across the street and the main cross walk that the over 100 people were walking past. He had a 15ft or so sign, black with white letters, "BELIEVE IN JESUS" it said. He was shouting on his bull horn, "SINNERS!!!!!!!!!" Wow...I can't even dignify this with words. But you can imagine what a slap in the face this was for the 400 people that were from our church, RockHarbor not me mention all the others that were there living with AIDS. Enough... it was a big sucess and incredibly rewarding to go out and do something like this as a family. We got home, had a nap and then KelliAnn and I got manicure/pedicures for her bday (that was like 2 months ago haha). I was a nice relaxing day.

Well there was Mothers Day. It want a great day. My own mom and I got into a massive screaming match. Those are always a joy. Will and I talked my sister into watching Solomon's monitor so that we could go over to Cheryl's and my dads to watch the Survivor finally. Amanda didn't win, so that was the final "cherry on top" to my lousy day.

May 14th, I watched Sara's girls. She had to go to court for the termination of their birth parents parental rights (which they ended up postponing for the SECOND TIME booo!!!) so I hung out with the kiddos. . Melody, 5, is a bit of a bohemian diva. She doesn't exactly grasp that Solomon and Kimberly, 18 months, are babies. Solomon was babbling to her and she gets this big girl look on her face, puts her hands on her hips, rolls her eyes, grits her teeth and say, "I have NO CLUE what the HECK you are saying!!!" haha...and of course the tattling was driving me bonkers. Between Solomon not listening to me, and Kimberly screaming/squealing/shrieking every time Solomon even came remotely close (cant blame her, he usually hurts her haha), I wasready for reinforcments when Sara got home. I am glad that I can help her like this. She watched Solomon a few days a week for about 2 months while I attempted to go back to work (and failed miserably at, because I missed Solomon FAR too much!).

May 15th, we went to a swim date with friends. I was SO proud of Solomon. He was the most incredibly sharer. He was saying, "Sollie's turn please (while signing please)" even though the boys were older than him and were grabbing everything off of him. He did bonk a little boy on the head once, but that was after being shoved by him haha. I was just so impressed at how he listened and obeyed and played nicely...I have been beaming ever since!!!

Saturday, I went for an "interview" for a few days of nannying a 2 y/o girl and a 3 mo/o boy. I met the most awesome family EVER! Amy is a momma who is passionate about natural childbirth and parenting. They are eco-conscious and a very gentle warm family. Amy and I hit it off. Her kids and husband seemed wonderful. They ended up inviting Will , Solomon and I over for swimming and barbecuing. It was really hard with Solomon, he was just all over the place and I was sweating just from chasing him!!! so I wont be taking the job...BUT Will and Amy's husband, Brett totally hit it off. Our kids got along. We have more in common than should be humanly possible. It was really fun and we cannot WAIT to do it again!! Thank you enannysource.com haha...

Today, Jen and I got to go to Disneyland...JUST US!!! (thank you Will!!!!) I was an adult for SEVEN whole hours. Can you imagine?? What a great feeling!!! Her and Justin also offered to watch Solomon for Will and my anniversary which is on the 28th. I am super excited. Now we just need to think of something to do. We don't usually get babysitters...so this will be SUCH a treat. Solomon's birthday is on the 28th of June, and my mom is going to throw him a party...yeah...an event to plan. I'm excited. She wants a "theme" and I am truly torn. Dumbo, Cars, and Nemo are all such a tie...how is a mother to decide???

I think I am pretty well caught up... OH yes, Dr Yamata, Wills Private Practice Rotation (PPR) supervising doctor, as kinda been offering him a job. Its not that he can really take it. I mean he offered a really good salary but if we went to PA and made the same, we would automatically still be "making more" in PA just because the cost of living is about 1/3 of what it is here...anyway, just thought I would throw that out there...

Must go watch Dancing With The Stars with Will now...even though I am royally disappointed with it!

T...T...T...

Solomon, in all his amazing smartness and cuteness, learned the sounds of the alphabet at about 10 months. He cannot for the life of him, figure out why some letters are also words. Tea, Pea, Bee...So I would have to say, in speaking for him, he finds the whole concept ridiculous. Perhaps that is why, when he would like tea (a favorite of his) he ask for T T T hahahaha as in the sound that the letter T makes. He does the same with pea and bee too but the tea thing just gets me everytime...he just holds up that sippie cup and says tttt tttt tttt...too cute!

Yesterday, we had a little birthday luch for me over at my Dad and Cheryls. We left Solomon with my mom...which has never happened for loads of reasons...but for some reason she agreed to help out...with lots of discussion and arguing to go along with it. I didn't even want to leave him with her. She seems unequipped...but Will convinced me that he would be ok for 3 hours. We had myu siblings and our friends, Will and KelliAnn over...it was SOOOO fabulous. I can't tell you the last time that Will and I went out. I don't think its ever happened in almost 2 years. It was great...we got to talk with ... ADULTS!!! It was just really fun and relaxing. I know I speak for both Will and I when I say we were so hapy to get home to Solomon though...we missed him!!!!

We were both really tired but we still decided to watch a movie after Sol went down at 7. The Bible Tells Me So. If only all churchs would require this movie to be played...it was incredible. So sad how followers of Christ forget about Jesus and his message all together. It was abotu homosexuality and the devastating role that "christians" play in their lives. Churches were rallying together holding up signs that read "God wants the faggots dead." So sad... I can't say much else about it right now. I am just really digesting the whole thing right now...it was a must see though...

We did get into bed my 8:45 and Solomon slept until 6:51 which was great!!! I feel rested today...its lovely!